I have been married for 10.5 years and have 3 children. My wife stopped working 4 years ago and got board with her new life and went into sex chat rooms. About 3 years ago she went to far, I found videos for other men in our out mail, phone sex to other men, and a lot of lies. It almost ended our marraige, she said she would change and we helped each other through it. Recently she has been sucked back into the chat rooms again, it is taking a lot out of me emotionally. She has been cold and unapproachable in the last couple of months. When she goes in the chat rooms it makes me jealous and angry that she is putting it back in my face.I started to put more of a conscious effort into saving our marraige with little change in her.
Our birthdays are a couple of days apart so I took her to Boston for a romantic weekend that went great. We had taken pictures and when I was looking for them I found a file with nude pictures of her with happy birthday written accross her body. I thought it may be for me since my birthday was in two days.my birthday came and went yesterday with no special gift. I felt devistated and angry.
I know she is under a lot of strain being home with the kids and doing the same things over and over again with no new experiences to have. She asked me if she could go on vacation alone this year and soon, she was mad when I did not jump at the idea.
I am going to tell her to end her chat room life and rebuild our marraige if it can be.I will let her know that I will help her in any way I can and want our marraige to work (am I a sap or what)I feel She may feel cornered and make an irrational decision. (thinking of the kids not in my life kills me)<p>Please give me some advice<p>jetek

I agree with what you are suggesting. Her behavior is very dangerous and destructive to your marriage and relationship. Sexual new videos and photos to other men are ridiculous. Try to get into counseling or be prepared to talk to an attorney. I would also suggest getting rid of the computer. She is an addict and this will to a very unhappy conclusion for her and you. I wish you luck.

jetek,
I see your other post as well, and my advice will *hopefully* help you with both questions.<p>Welcome to MB, although I'm sorry your circumstances are such as they are. This is a great place to learn, and get support from others in similar situations.<p>I'd like to encourage you to read through the MB web-site... the Basic Concepts and Q&A sections especially. Get your hands on the Harley books and read them asap. His Needs, Her Needs, and Surviving an Affair. <p>There's some questionnaires that you can download and print, that may answer the questions you had on your other post (what do women want?). Basically, we all have Emotional Needs, and you can probably identify your W's needs, when you read about them a little bit. Common needs for women are Financial Security, Honesty/Openness, Family Commitment, Admiration, Affection, Sexual Fulfillment, etc.<p>There's some great links in my signature line to help you get started also.<p>There's hope for rekindling the passion in your marriage! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] There's no guarantees (of course), but these principles and concepts will give a better chance.<p>Read and learn... lurk and post often!!<p>Welcome and good luck!

<small>[ February 07, 2005, 11:56 AM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

Hi Jetek - I've been on both sides of this internet issue, so understand the emotions. For my own part, just as I was ending my marriage of 16 years, I became hooked on the internet. For a period of about 6 months I did the online sex, phone sex, romantic and sexual innuendos. Fortunately, after about 6 months it lost its luster. Some time later, I fell in love and married a man I met online.<p>He is definitely struggling with an online addiction to the emotional and online sexual relationships. Three times he has betrayed me, and as you know - it is excruciatingly painful to discover!!<p>This time, he recognized he was addicted. During one of our counseling sessions he said, "I kept trying to end the relationship, but I kept going back." Do I think we will recover from this? We seem to be on track, he seems to be trying. I am having a hard time recapturing all of my old feelings for him, but I am giving it my best shot.<p>I think you need to insist she end the online activity "cold turkey". Trust me, there's no weaning away from it. I also liked the suggestion that you install a keystroke logger, and let her know that you have done so. And I really encourage you to both go into counseling to help her. There are, oddly enough, a lot of online sites to help with internet addiction. Perhaps you could email one to her....