WH moved in with OW over 3 weeks ago. This is so hard. He sent an e-mail yesterday saying he so so sorry for what he is doing to all three of us.(Me, dd and him) He is off in bimbo land while I struggle with the mess he made of our lives and feels sorry for himself.
He called dd last night and she gave phone to me. Told him I was frustrated over trying to get daughter to study, do homework etc and was short with him. I said I was tired of doing this by myself. When he comes to see her its all nice, they have pizza and ice cream and then he leaves. No responsibility just fun and gives her money. Meanwhile I make her do homework, study, chores etc.
I have been trying to Plan A cause he says he thinks of coming home all the time, misses us etc.but it is so hard when your tired, frustrated and about fed up with their stupid behavior.
Thanks for letting me vent. D day was October how much longer can I take this??

Don't lose it. I know how you are feeling I am going to through the same thing. My H moved out two weeks ago I think he is with the OW. It is killing me inside. You just can't let him see it, that is the advice everyone has given me.<p>I have 4 daughters and my H has not take them once. We are surviving. I decided to start with myself. I went shopping to make me feel good and I purchased the herbal medicine St. Johns Wort to keep me calm. I think it is actually working.<p>Stay calm, you will make it through it all.

Thank you deelam. I am trying to remain calm with the help of meds of course. Last night I was so tired and cranky I couldn't help myself. I just keep telling myself to take one day at a time but some days are worse than others.
I can't believe your husband has not seen the girls. How are they handling this?

kf, these are the kind of posts I just hate reading. "Plan A" is about trying to meet your spouse's emotional needs so that he won't need to have them met elsewhere, correct? How can you possibly do this when he is already living with some other woman?<p>He is just keeping you dangling with is "thinking about coming home" garbage, and he knows exactly what he's doing by saying stuff like that. He's got a new girlfriend to play with *plus* you waiting at home for him in case it doesn't work out. He just assumes he can waltz back into your life anytime he feels like it, and why shouldn't he? You've made it clear to him that that's exactly what you're doing.<p>His actions are horribly disrespectful to you and your child, to say the very least. No one can live like this for long. It will destroy you, and he will not care.<p>You need to be in Plan B. Now.<p>Psycho_B***h

Thank you for your honesty. You are probably right. I just didn't think I was ready for Plan B yet. You see he has been waffling back and forth and went to live with her cause I couldn't take continue contact and he couldn't stop seeing her.
I thought a dose of reality was what he needed. He admits living with her is not what he thought it would be. My plan A basically at this point is just being nice to him mostly for my daughter's sake. I don't initiate any contact.
He comes to see my daughter at our house because I refuse to let him take her there. And all she knows is that we are just having problems not that he is living with OW. She is only 12. When he comes over he is so broken up over what he is doing, talks about coming home, loves me etc. but needs to see this thing through.
I thought that if the A dies and he knows I love him and feels he has a safe place to return that that is what the desired outcome is. I'm afraid Plan B will upset my daughter if I refuse to see or talk to him as she knows I want him home. I am confused but will go back and read over Plan A and Plan B again. Thanks.

KF,
I agree that it is all confusing. My H sees his daughters at softball games and practice(he is the coach) and he stops here when I am at work and they get home from school.<p>It is still hard on them though. I thought of starting Plan B but for me I think I need to continue with Plan A. I have learned today, that my H is tired of discussing children and finances that we lack intimate discussions and that is why he strayed... Could that possible be the same for you?? <p>Im no counselor but each as each day goes by I do inquire with my H as too what went wrong and why and he finally said something.<p>I hope it works out for you.

Thanks Deelam. My husband says he was unhappy (maybe MLC) Instead of discussing this with me he turned to female friend and co-worker who is now divorced. They have been friends for long time. He says he wishes he could go back a year and talk to me now. You see I did have a chance to do a pretty good Plan A for 6 months. He acknowled changes I made but said he didn't feel passion like he felt with her.
I couldn't take continued contact so he cut it off with her for 3 weeks. Then he couldn't stop seeing her so he moved in with her to see if this is real or addiction.
So here we today 3 weeks later. He is coming over to see d today and do things around house. I pray to be able to remain calm and just get through the day. Hopefully someday he really see the light and the man I married will return. Thanks for listening.

Keeping ~<p>You can survive this. I know how hard it is to manage everything alone - but I did it for 18 months. There were days I didn't think I'd survive either when absolutely everything would go wrong and there I was all by myself!<p>Hey to make it even more fun I was pregnant for the first 9 months of it, and had a brand new infant for the last 9 months!<p>The best thing you can do is take care of yourself. Make taking care of you a priority. You know how when you get on an airplane, they tell you to put on your own air mask before helping others? Well you've got to give yourself that help, the care and comfort you need, to you before you can help your kids or manage the rest of your life. <p>Put your H on the back burner right now...and focus on how to sort out your life so that you can survive.<p>Trust me, you CAN do it.

Thank you for your words of encouragement. I will try to work on myself and enjoy this beautiful day.