I've had fairly good luck with plan A so far, when I can stick to it without LBing and freaking out, which is most of the time now. <p>Last night, H and I talked a bit about the whole situation. He initiated the conversation by asking if I wanted to change him and saying he can't change who he is. I said I didn't want to, I just wanted him to enjoy being around me. He said that he loved me and that he didn't want me to "cater to him just because you think you need to." I asked him what he wanted me to do. He said be myself, other than that he doesn't know. Doesn't know what he wants. He asked me what I'm afraid of. I said losing everything that matters to me. He said that's what he's afraid of too, but he doesn't know if he will f*** it all up anyway. <p>When he told me to be myself and not cater to him just because I think I need to, I told him that I don't even know who I am or what I want anymore. We managed to do this without yelling, although I did start crying. At the end of the conversation, I told him that if he doesn't care, he should tell me now and get it over with, which was probably a LB. Should have left it without saying that...<p>Anyway, I guess he sees my Plan A (I haven't told him about MB) as "catering..." I don't want him to think I'm manipulating him, but I don't want to quit Plan A. I think he really cares about this marriage, is confused (me, too). Any "veterans" have any thoughts/advise for me??<p>I thought about emailing him at work and apologizing for that last comment and telling him that I love him like he is and don't want him to change...I think that might be too clingy, though...

I haven't been following your story (sorry), but I'll take a stab here. If this doesn't seem to fall in line with your progress, just ignore me [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>I think an e-mail would be ok. To say what you said (apologizing for that last comment and telling him that I love him like he is and don't want him to change), but don't grovel or stretch it out any more than that.<p>Overall... you want to communicate to him that you are also learning and growing through this, and learning to be the best Dani, and the best wife that you can. That he deserves a loving, attentive wife. You are not catering to him, but you are learning how to treat him with the protection, care, and honesty that you both deserve.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I said losing everything that matters to me. He said that's what he's afraid of too, but he doesn't know if he will f*** it all up anyway. <hr></blockquote><p>I think this was good. You said that very well, and his comment proves he cares. Of course he's scared. Continue being there for him, forgive each other for your mistakes, and don't be afraid to make them [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] . <p>Just my opinion.... keep up the good work!

Faith1,<p>Thanks...I appreciate the advice...

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I'm glad you appreciate it! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I'm going to reach for a little dialogue... perhaps I should have asked questions in my first post. <p>What do you think about what I said? Do you agree or disagree? How do you feel about it?<p>I hope you get more replies. I was just taking a stab... but curious what you think about it. Perhaps your answers here will help someone else know what to say for you also. It's Friday, and things start slowing down a bit around here on the weekends...

I think your advice will really help in my situation. After all, I don't want him to think I'm "catering," but rather that I am trying to be the best me that I can be, just like you said. To an extent, I'm "acting" right now, but I'm not "acting" about the fact that I want to save my marriage. I really do want that. So your advice really encouraged me.<p>I haven't figured out how to word the email to him, but I think I'll go ahead with that this afternoon, if I figure out how to word it without LBing or sounding fakey.<p>Thanks :-)

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