Have YOU been tested? If not, do that right away. Any contact involving mucous membrane is enough to transmit.<p>My H, too, swore he was "clean", that he used condoms every single time. Well, he never used condoms when OUR R began, so I didn't believe him. For me, being tested was part of the agreement for moving back into the home, but he STILL balked. I made the appointment, I told him where it was and at what time, and that I would be there and if he wasn't, that would tell me exactly where our R was, and I would follow through accordingly. He showed up.<p>A week later when we were to go to the doctor for the results, he balked yet again--not enough time, had to work, etc. I said, "I know that you found time in your busy schedule to dally with the OW. If you cannot find time in your busy schedule to do what is necessary to make love to your W, then that tells me a whole lot about your priorities. Thank you for that information." He came with me.<p>We both had Chlamydia--yes, even Mr. "I KNOW I'm clean"! I was the only one with symptoms, and they were so mild, I just thought it was from sweating in the summer heat. So, I had gone MONTHS with a disease that causes infertility and who knows what else without ever knowing it.<p>I had no embarrassment at all. *I* didn't do anything wrong. Not being tested would have been doing something wrong. My H, on the other hand, was VERY embarrassed, as he should have been--he exposed his W to STDs, for heaven's sake! Too bad, it's part of the cost of doing business with an OW and then wanting to be with your W again.<p>Has he agreed to all the extraordinary precautions to ensure no contact with the OW? If not, maybe he's still seeing her. He could be afraid they'll find something, and his lie about condoms will be exposed, as my H's was.<p>It could be any number of things, but if it is mandatory to you, then I'd do what I did. Make the appointment, let him know about it, and go yourself. If he shows up and gets tested, fine. If he doesn't and your test results reveal an STD, then you know where you got it from. And also, if he doesn't, even if your results are negative, you know you still need to protect yourself until he is tested.<p>Having STD tests is basic Recovery From Infidelity 101. It is a given that if you have had multiple partners, you get tested. Period. If he refuses to cooperate with that, I'd find everything to do with him suspect. The very LEAST a WS should do is protect the BS from STDs. If he is not following through on that, then what else is he not protecting you from?
