Hi Chris - well ok the kids I understand now - and you are definately a good person - some people even though they are like your own and have been with you for 12 years wouldn't think that they were their responsibility but you are a good person.. I can't imagine how hard it is for them basically they have had both parents walk out of their lives and they basically have done nothing.. I don't think that my husband would have been very understanding if I had cheated on him I believe that I would have been thrown out or he would have left the first time I told him. He says you don't know how I would have reacted - and he is right but I do know there is no way in hell he would have put up with all of the crap that I have been through.. last night he took my oldest daughter to dance lessons and while he was there I kind of ignored him and went about my stuff and he actually engaged me in conversation a couple of times but I am trying to get my mind set on the fact that once school is over he won't be there alot and that we are getting a divorce... I need to try and accept reality a little better...I definately will not be looking for a relationship very soon like you I am afraid that trust will be a big issue for me.. but I will tell you in my next relationship (god willing there is one) I will be the top priority me and my kids - I need to look out for me for a change - I need to be appreciated I guess you could say.. Now for religion I am catholic but I don't go all of the time - but that is my religion - but I would think if you got annulled that is like you didn't even have a marriage and you have two beautiful children out of that union.. I actually have not found any peace at church I am kind of angry that all of this crap is going on in my life.. I went from having this boring life, work, kids, husband to like something out of a soap opera and I do not need nor do I want this drama.. My neighbors all know what is going on - my neighbor acutally joked to me the other day and said thank you for making this the most interesting neighborhood I have ever lived in... Nice huh??? And the funny thing is I am not doing a damn thing.. Well I must go to work now - talk to you later .. I am actually at work I just need to do some... Bye - Mimi

Mimi - The whole work thing gets in the way of both our soap opera lives, to bad it wasn't as easy to push aside and find another multi-million dollar job in no time like on TV. Oh well back to reality, even on TV, I'm sure there would be some type of affair we both have to act through. Do you think your husband is just trying to be a nice guy, after what he has done, and he figures if he is nice to you, all will be forgiven. A different situation then I am dealing with, being no conversation takes place at all. This weekend I get to travel for fouteen hours to take the kids to and from their moms. I'm fairly sure this whole thing isn't going to last that overly long as far as the traveling goes. It seems way to unfair to the kids, but still the mother is in a me first attitude, adn dosen't seem to understand what it does to the kids. I know if she had the kids I would be traveling those fourteen hours every week or two to see the kids, and would not expect the kids to travel at all. So we will try it this way for awhile, and see what develops. I need to look for a new vehicle anyways. Too bad you couldn't have popped your neighbor in the nose and told her to mind her own beeswax. Some people have absolutely no consideration for others feelings. When you mentioned your life went from somehting boring to a soap opera, I find that to be a something I also felt. I knew that I was not having fun, and needed to change something about things at home. I think I looked at that we were in the marriage trap time, where everything was to comfortable, work was busy and stressing, and the kids seemed to be such a focus. I only wish that she would have seen the same as me, but maybe I was blind, and she saw it was problems between her and I. The last thing for tonight in my soap opera life is I got home tonight, met teh oldest at the door, and she said the basement is partially flooded. I went downstairs, and we had a hose split on one of the water lines. I got the line temporarily fixed, but it soaked the carpet, and looks like it wrecked two of the walls and one ceiling. Around 8:00 I sat down, and asked "when is all this stuff going to slow down." I appreciate having you to talk to, it gives me the chance to vent, and talk about things you just can't talk to others about. Thank-you Chris.

Chris - it is kind of like what can go wrong will go wrong right??? I hate when that happens - hopefully you have insurane that will cover your flood.. but soon it will smell musty and just be another pain in the butt that you don't need... My husband has been doing nothing wrong that I can see but I am still obsessing and it really doesn't even matter I guess.. For example yesterday he came over because my youngest had a school play so - I notice the lady next door leaves at 3:00 ish and her sister comes over to watch the kids - so I called my husband at 3:30 to see when he was coming over - I am thinking they are meeting he says in awhile he had to go home and change - so he shows up at about 4:45 and he is changed then she comes home like 5 minutes later - so I am obsessing that they were together still today this morning - we went at it and he said that he isn't talking to her etc. same old stuff but I guess the problem is that I want to believe him but I guess I don't because I have proof but he still denies it - so therefore I am going insane - actually sometimes I think you are better off because you know where you stand - even though it isn't where you want to be you at least know what is going on - my life is full of I don't knows I don't know what to believes - and I can't get it through my mind that it really doesn't matter anymore...and I am driving myself crazy - I need a life - big time ---- Talk to you later - Mimi

Hello Chris - I hope that all is well with you - you didn't check in last night - I hope the pipes are better and that you didn't have any other minor or major catastrophes - Hopefully your luck and mine will change in the near future - I am thinking that 2003 is going to be our year - lets make it the year of the Betrayed Spouse - what do you think??? I am a little better today not obsessing so much but still finding life a little difficult. Go figure I wonder why - actually last night though I had a good nights sleep.. Which is always great.. My husband is coming over today to get my youngest off the bus because I have to take my oldes to the doctors for a check up but then as soon as I get back I need to take the youngest to be fitted for sneakers for cheerleading so maybe I won't see him for very long - basically I need to start moving forward without him - but I don't know how to get there.. So have you talked to your wife? Does she appreciate you driving the kids to see her? I don't understand why she doesn't move closer ! When do you go back to court? My lawyer is back from vacation next Tuesday then we are going to proceed with my divorce- Kind of scary - I will probably really loose it then.. And when he gets his own apartment on July 12 - I don't know is there hope for me - do you think??? Talk to you later - Mimi

Mimi - There is definately hope for you. I went through a very tough time when my first little one was born. See I was adopted by my parents, and in the first two years of my life I was in six foster homes and the hospital. I didn't have any problems with this until the first child was born. Then I don't know what happened it was like I relived those first two years of my life in my sons eyes. I was so scared for him then I went through the preganancy/birth that I thought something was going to happen to me to take me away from my kids. I know this isn't the same as what you are going through, but in that time I found that I obsessed about something happening to me all the time for some time. It seemed to be there all the time. I woke in the morning and felt terrible, went up and down through the day, and then only felt relief at night before bed. A big part of the situation was also that I was such a busy person before this happened, then when the little ones came along, I was tied down and limited in being able to do anything. If I could have found things to do for myself, and relax a bit things would have been alot easier to handle. Over time I started to get involved in things, really started to do some things for myself rather then for everyone else, and things seemed to get back to normal. I don't know if you are the type of person that worries alot, but for me I kind of was that way. Sometimes I think that was my conditioning for what has happened now. I don't know if when I had my problems how much exactly that affected my wife, but she never said anything, and I tried to keep alot of it inside. I do know for as scared and sh%tty as I felt alot of times, I never walked out on my family through the whole thing, and was there for them all the way. Even though some days I might not have been there mentally. For myself the key to getting through the whole episode was to look deep inside myself to find out what scared me so much. It had nothing to do for me with the kids, it was that as a child I was abandoned by my mother, and then did not have the support of a regular parent until I was two. After that my adopted parents were there for me and did an excellent job of raising me. Just so I am clear I don't think that everyone has problems as a child and all problems should be blamed on childhood things. I do know that stress we create within ourselves is normally from something that we are scared of for some reason. The thing on the surface that makes us scared is rarely the actual thing that scares the crap out of us. Somehow you need to ask yourself what is it that you are obsessing about, then ask yourself why does that bother you so much. As you ask yourself the question of what bothers you, you also ask yourself "so what if that happened", then when you decide what would happen next, you ask yourself again "so what if that happened", and just keep going until you realize thay things don't actually get that far. Keep answering those questions, and I think you will find you have the strength inside to handle anything once you realize it really won't be that bad to handle. I hope this dosen't sound hoakey, but it is just what worked for me. Some people have different personalities and things bother them easier. I have been there, but have changed alot over the last however many years. If you think this sounds weird let me know.
My basement is in the dryout stage. This weekend I get to make the 14 hour trip to my wife and back with the kids. I am not looking forward to it at all, but have to look for another vehicle at the same time. I will be back on the computer most likely Sunday night. I hope you have a good weekend, and please do something for yourself. Your life is about your kids, but it's also about you! It's time you tried to enjoy some of it, you deserve it, and you'll feel better. Leave the kids with him and go do something that makes you relax, if you remember what makes you relax. It has been so long with a partner, you may not remember what type of things make you happy, but you can only try and see. With the kids I know what I want to do for myself, just haven't figure out how to get there yet. Have a good weekend. Chris

Hello Chris - you make so much sense - I guess that I am just afraid - overwhelmed with the prospect of having to raise the kids full time by myself being in charge of the house by myself everything by myself - I guess I am afraid what if I never find anyone else again and I become this divorced bitter woman who just goes on pining for her husband for the rest of her life. I guess that is it and financially it is gonna be really tight for me. So I am worried about that - i guess it boils down to I am afraid of the unknown.... I am not a person who likes change - I kind of like everything in order in its place - or as my husband would say boring .... I saw him last night and we had another talk because he said something sarcastic like hey I am here and Anne isn't that is the lady next door and I am not with her am I.. Then he went on about how I didn't believe him there was nothing going on between them - and the reasons why we are getting divorced because - I will never trust him I have proven it with the Anne thing, my family will never treat him the same etc.. Again shifting all the blame to me.. So I actually got a little angry he left and I was like relieved he was going so I didn't have to listen to his crap anymore - then I told myself that as I lay awake at 3:00 am with an anxiety attack - that he is leaving because he doesn't want to face the consequences of what his actions have caused - basically in a nutshell he is running away from his life - and leaving all responsibility to me - and I am going to have to become a stronger person and prove to myself that I can do it and try to do it as a happy person - one can only hope - I think you are a great guy for driving 14 hours to deliver your children - Really most guys would not do that - I hope you don't bump into the guy though - I know that is tough for you.. I don't know what I like to do - I need to enter a journey of self discovery - I sound like Oprah - Yikes.... I really need to find myself and make myself busy... Very busy - and try not to dwell on the situation my life is in because I have no control - and everything happens for a reason what that is hopefully someday I will find out.... Bye for now - Mimi

Hey Chris - I hope you had a great fathers day :} and I am sure you are tired from all of the driving - but other than that how are things going? Did you find a new car?? Did things go alright when you saw your wife - no altercations with the other man I hope for your sake.. My life has been relatively quiet.. I decided since I stopped digging for information and I am really not letting anyone tell me anything anymore - it is easier for me.. And the funny thing is that when I don't ask my husband what he is doing etc.. He just seems to volunteer the information so I am not freaking out or worrying.. or obsessing I should say.. I think that we can be friends as long as I can let go and I don't freak when the time comes to divorce... Hopefully I won't - but who knows I have only really been angry a few times - I am more in shock still I think about the mess my life has become - but I know I can survive and somehow I will - School is out tomorrow for my kids that means way less running around and a more free time - but hopefully I am going to start doing things for me... What I still don't know but something... I am going to start walking every night with my sister so that should be relaxing - I guess I want to stop feeling sorry for myself about the state of my life and start living it.. I can't have my husband but I can have a friendship with him and he will always be part of my life - I guess someways I am hoping that one day he wake up and realizes what a mistake he has made - and hopefully it won't be to late - but if that never happens that is gonna be ok to.. I guess.. Who knows - well give me an update on your weekend.. I hope all is well --- Mimi

Mimi - You are sounding abit more relaxed. I don't know if you actually are though. I got home last night and I was so wiped out that I just unpacked and went to bed, then sat there awake till midnight. Dosen't make nuch sense, but it just seems to happen that way. I think I might have a bit of a idea how hard it is to be constantly having contact and seeing him, while he wants to have nothing to do with yourself as far as the relationship. I went to DV (my old town where my wife is living presently) on Friday and didn't get there till 12:30 in the morning. I dropped off the kids then went out for a couple of drinks. I ran into some people I knew, and it was relaxing to sit and talk. I just left my life out of the conversation as well as I could. On Saturday i woke to my Ex calling to let me know that I left the two little ones clothes at home (they were packe dnad ready to go, just didn't make it to the van). I ended up buying them new clothes, then went to Edmonton to look for a vehicle. The 17 year old and a friend of hers came with me, and I met a old friend in the city. WE went golfing then went out and played pool till 3:00 in the morning. Overall the weekend was relaxing, but at the same time very stressful. From the time I saw my wife and talked to her I found it very stressful, it brought back a wave of emotion, and I felt very lonely for a large amount of time over the weekend. My wife was kind enought o let me know all the wonderful things she was planning to do with the kids over the weekend with her boyfriend. I didn't see him, but she did enough to make me mad as it is. Then seh has the nerve to tell me that I'm not letting her spend the time that she wants with teh kids, and I'm screwing up her life right now. By the time I was ready to drive back home I was tired, mad, and just stressed out. The kids were grouchy on the way home, and right now I am just thinking she is being so inconsiderate to expect that the four kids are going to spend 14 hours every month in a vehicle traveling to see her. She indicated that for the betterment of the kids I should quit my job and move closer to her. I aggree that one or the other moving closer is the best for the kids, but I don't understand why when 2 out of 3 that are in school want to stay where they are, the other one just wants to be around his mother where ever she lives, and I have supported the family my whole life, all adds up to us all giving up what we have so she can stay with this guy. It all seems so selfish to me. I don't know I'm overly tired, feeling the stress of how I'm going to handle this, and very alone right now. Kind of adds up to a low time. I will get over it in a few days though. Hope your day is a bit better, guess I just needed to vent what I'm feeling. Talk to you latter.

Hi Chris - Glad you made it home safely - Now let me see if I got this correct - Your wife of 12 years has left you for some other man nine hours away - left you with all the responsibility of five children and technically three of them are not even yours biologically (not that that matters whatsoever as far as you being their father) and now she wants you to quit your job and uproot the whole entire family nine hours in her direction because she wants to be with her new man - OK now what is wrong with this picture?? Duh - the only word that comes to mind is a selfish person - very much so... I don't even know why you are driving 14 hours to see her she should be coming to see the kids - I mean she is only one person ... She should move -- And better yet aren't you the sole bread winner I mean don't you need your job - How long have you been at this job?? And is it easy to transfer??? I mean my god you are trying to provide your children together with some normalcy in their lives and she wants to totally uproot everything.. I don't think you are being selfish at all I think she needs to sit back take herself out of the situation and take a good long look at what she is asking of everyone just to make her life easier... Right??? It is really good that you went and relaxed we all could use that ... Totally.... The stress of these situations sucks big time.. I am going to refinance my house on Thursday - so that is a big thing for me... I have to send everything into my laywer so she can get us into the court to get things started - which I have got to tell you makes me very sad.. But this week I am ok - why I don't know - I think for some reason I believe that he is the one in the long run that is going to regret his situation and I am just going to try to move on and be happy.. yes I still see him alot but he is getting his apartment on July 12 and I believe that will change...he told me yesterday when he gets someone in his life that me and the kids will not know about it - and that he isn't looking for that right now anyways - He just wants to hide away - it is the shame he feels that everyone is mad at him and knows what he did... Oh well he did do it right??? I don't know I hope I stay feeling like this but I know on any roller coaster it is a series of twists and turns so basically it is one day at a time..... Right???? Remember all of those people who say everything happens for a reason, god never gives us more than we can handle etc.. You know all of those fun little sayings that happy people are always willing to throw in your direction.. Maybe we need to start lisenting to them and applying them to our lives - what do you say??? And anytime you want to vent feel free - you could also email at mimiw64@yahoo.com - I feel the people that I talk to here are like my lifeline in a really crappy situation - so I will talk later - bye for now - Mimi

Mimi - Your husband sounds like he is looking for a few people to feel sorry for him right now. If he is pulling back because everyone is mad at him, maybe he needs to sit up and notice that he brought all this on himself. The sad thing about people playing these types of games is they can pull people in, and make them feel sorry for themself. I see it with my wife, some of her friends that put down other peopel that had affairs are there for her right now, feeling bad for her because she dosen't have the kids. They just seem to miss the boat that our spouses have hurt so many other people and continues to choose to do so. Within a few years all will forget what our spouses have done, except the people liek you and me that had to live through it all, and try to make heads or tails out of it. My wife dosne't care about my job, which I am in an excellent positon in now, and have more room to advance. With all that is going on some days I just want to go back to the work I use to do. There was very little stress, but I like what I do now, and like what my future holds. The kids are done school here right away, have you thought about going out of state for awhile to visit some family or somebody else. The time away may help you to clear your head and relax for awhile. Just a idea if you have somewhere to go. I am planning on taking a trip with the guyb I met up in Edmonton with last weekend. We may go kayaking, some white water rafting, some camping, some hiking in the mountains, and just kick back and drink some beers. This is if everything goes good with my wife in having her take the kids for a week. Also if I ever get over this flu I have, it feels as if I have been sick for about five weeks now. I guess very little sleep, lots of stress, and a hectic lifestyle can kick the crap out of you. I'm going to try to get a decent sleep all this week and see if I can get over this. I hope things go good for you this week, it's tought to face all the financial difficulties of having the mortgage as well as everything else, but not knowing if the money will stretch all the way. I am presently still trying to figure out if I can afford the house I'm living in with the kids as well as all the other things. I'm just hoping that people wanting money will go away. Last night the builder of our house came forward and let me know I still have about $5000 in outstanding money I owe them. I just wonder what will be next. Hope your week is going better for you then mine is at present. I'm just rying to keep from letting the stress get the better of me. My E-mail is c.klein@shaw.com, I will most likely start e-mailing you that way if you don't mind. I feel better already just sitting here typeing, thanks for listening. Chris

mimi,
Hiya (looking like a goddess <---------me)
I love what your neighbor said, I hope you can see the humor in it and the guts it took to try and make you laugh in a miserable situation. Maybe you could think of a smartie remark also.
You know something has always bothered me. Your H says it wasnt Anne,but never gives any detail about who it really is, and then says cryptic things like "when I start seeing someone no-one will know" His fog is as thick as pea soup! He calls you for advice on furniture???? How bout a cardboard box and a fork!
You know I am kidding with you.
You continue to do great,as always. I hope this summer can afford you some time for relaxation.
L