First of all I DO still love my WH and I am willing to accept where I let him down. I have remained totally faithful to him since the beginning of this 4/99...........For the last 1 and 1/2 years, I had rebuilt the trust in him and my love for him grew stronger....I also forgave him.....so I know it is possible to do again......
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My WH and I sperated 4/99. OW was involved and worked with my WH and I on same shift at same worksite. WH left in 4/99 and moved closer to work (after refusing for months prior to move "US" closer to work). We were driving 90 miles one way to work. On 5/99 I resigned my rank and transfered back to site closer to WH and my home. I wasn't going to do that drive alone to put up with rumors and watch them carry on.

4/00 WH went back to college and 8/00 (my Birthday) he resigned from the worksite.

WH and I kept contact up and 12/00 WH announced while at home with me, that he had to get out of there and shut down the apt. 3/31/01. WH closed apt. and stayed in city with his cousin until moving into company apt. (He never gave me address and said that only company bosses and etc. could stay there). I went to city from 1/01 to 4/01 and we stayed in motels when we met. WH mainly came home when job time allowed it as he traveled with new career, we talked on phone and e-mailed. Or intimacy never stopped at anytime throughout this.......(12/01) last ime we were physically together and to my knowledge nothing was wrong)....we exchanged Christmas and he went "NUTS" ove new business suit and etc. I got him. He has always looked me in the eye during those times and seemed to "melt" into me......

For the last 1 1/2 years, things seemed to go really well between us (NOT EVEN ONE ARGUEMENT) and he seemed more and more relaxed when we were together. His main topic of converstaion has been all about him, his new career and job. Christmas 01 was last time we have been together physically and he told me that he was going to be really busy until spring or summer 02 because of lay offs in the company. We continued phone contact and e-mail contact. Since 12/01 he has started telling me that he loves me, misses me and only reason we are still apart is because of this job.

On 4/8/02 WH left voice message on my cell that he loved me. On 4/13/02, I recieved e-mail from sources at former worksite, that WH had picked OW up at worksite in late 3/02 and OW had told them that my WH truck had broke down and she was taking him to the city (where he works out of and is staying in company apt.) I called WH, no answer and threatened Divorce and everything else on his voice mail and apt. answering machine.

WH called my cell phone the next morning. As i was dropping a co-worker off on my way home from work and was turning across traffice, I asked Jeff to answer the cell so i wouldn't wreck us. I had nothing to hide so i didn't think anything of having him answer. WH was OBVIOUSLY ticked and question me about who answered my cell. I answered him directly and WH dropped subject but informed me that he wasn't going to answer any of my d**n questions and WH told me that he was tired of me going off on him over everything every Tom, [censored] and Harry told me. Also, that he wasn't even going to tlerate me leaving messages like that on his company phones (only way I had to reach him). Sources knew something because of truck deal, because WH told me himself about that time frame that he was having truck problems. Also I do not believe these friends would lie to me and WH actions NOW seem to confirm sources information.

WH lost his job on 4/22/02, just days after we got into it over OW and their contact. If WH was telling truth about apt. being the company's, than he had to move out of it as well. Truck may or may not be fixed or he may have bought a new one. Bad deal if he did because he lost job before 1st payment even due. 4/26/02 was last contact with WH and he informed me that he was not telling me where he was at and that he was sick of everyone's nose stuck in his business.

Last thing I told him was that I loved him and was here if he needed me and he said "OK", then he cut me out and told me that he wasn't telling me where he was.

I have sent e-mails that I will not be in a 3-way relationship and it was me or her. He has not responded and I have not sent any to him since 5/5/02. I changed my home phone but left e-mail and cell number the same. I HAVE NOT tried to find him or gone to see if he is with OW. I simply let go and placed WH, and our marriage in GOD'S HANDS. I am taking care of me now......

WH has not said anything about divorce, 2 weeks ago he blew it off like contact with OW was rumors (I know it wasn't).

As a former wayward husband or spouse, can you give me insight as to what this is about with WH? I imagine he is trying to find another job and realizes that he has an extremely upset betrayed wife on this end. I am about 150 miles from city where he was living and OW is about 80 miles one way from him. He might be with her but don't know and I'm not checking to find out.

We have NO children and not much to really seperate if divorced. I am in our home and near his family. His family loves me and I am close to them. I am 40, my WH is 40 and OW is in her 50's. She went through a divorce in the begininng of this in 4/99, when my WH and I first seperated. She has nice home, van and "MONEY". I suspect that she may have co-signed his student loans and heaven knows what else. She is also a nurse and is the one that my WH went to and through in finding doctors' concerning his heart condition. He has a genetic heart condition. My finding out that he had gone through her and hid it from me is what kicked off the fight that night in 4/99 that we seperated. Yes we had alot of stress in our marriage at time of seperation and months prior. (Stress we had no control over or could eliminate such as death's, illnesses, my brother's death, my mom's incident that has left her an invalid, job promotions and the long drive to and from work). My WH is quiet and I can't know what his needs are if he doesn't tell me and won't let me be there to fulfill them. Living apart and her still being in picture hasn't given me a fair chance either. WH hasn't been honest and re-committed fully to us, our marriage and giving me a "TRUE CHANCE" to prove to him what we can still be and have.<p>So I have placed WH, OW, ME and our marriage in GOD'S HANDS...........I've let go and released him to GOD.

Your past insight would really help me now....."Why did he cut me off"? One of the last comments he made to me was this: "Just let me work this out, OK". He made that comment to me when i asked him what he was going to do, right after he told me that he lost his job. So I don't know if he meant job-wise or the "OW" too.

Thanks!!!

Bump<p>I'm so sorry for what you're going through.<p>You have some difficult decisions to make. You seem very comfortable with out knowing for sure whats going on. I don't think I could do that.<p>Have you read everything here? You seem to already be in Plan B -- with no contact. <p>Are you just waiting for him to make decisions?

Hello there,<p>No I am not comfortable with not knowing what's going on. But what good is it going to do to go drive 100+ miles to see whether or not he is staying with "OW"? I cannot do anything about it if he is. Only sit there and burn to pieces ripping my guts out if he is............<p>WH led me to believe that is had been "just us" for the last yaer and a half until I found this out about his recent contact with her. WH hasn't let go of me in the last 3 years either. He is angry with me now, I guess because I now know she is still in the picture and I confronted him. He lost his job days later so I guess he's blaming me for that too......I don't know why he lost his job but figure it was compnay cut backs as they made a big one about a month before this happened. I have made it abundantly clear that she goes or I do and WH has to decide. I have no intentions of filing for divorce because I still love him and I was not the one that walked out on him, turned my back and turned to someone else. I am not the one that is in an "A"....<p>I know what we can still be, last year and a half proved that, but we cannot get completely through this until he ends things with her, and gives ALL his efforts to me and this marriage. He moved out, got involved with her and I am trying to give him the chance to come clean with me......<p>If he wants out than I feel he needs to let me go (get the D if that's what he wants), since he is the one that has turned to another.... I know that affairs don't last...I'm trying to give him time to come around, choose to end it and come to his senses.......<p>I see you had 3 year affair? Tell me about it.....what made you end it? You divorce or reconcile with your spouse??????<p>Thanks for answering and I know you like my WH pay a terrible price for going the "A" route.....

I see that you are still married and that IS WONDERFUL as we all make mistakes........<p>What kept you in the affair so long and what made you finally end it????<p>I really do love my WH and I married hard and deep when I married him........we have been through alot and not all of it we had any control over.....I know I failed to meet his needs but he failed mine to, yet i still love him and want only him........<p>I suspect he cut me out 2 weeks ago because he couldn't handle or face me. Because he knows that I am aware of his deception once again and him losing his job and all probably made him feel more of a failure? He may be with her or he may be focusing on getting another job.........<p>Just haven't given up on him or us yet.....I believe that he still loves me or he owuld have ended us by now.........<p>Please keep in touch and I am sorry as I know even though you were the WS (former) (PAT ON BACK THAT YOU CAME OUT OF THE FOG)....you hurt too....