I've received many interesting and encouraging interpretations of my H's email. I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner. Yesterday was my 11th anniversary...I asked my H not to contact me so it was a little difficult but thankfully, I made it. <p>Need a little help with what my next steps should be...I'm a little confused. Generally, it sounds as if I should acknowledge my part in making him feel the way he did, which I have. O, hope it's babble. Hard to distinguish sometimes. Zorweb, you're right, I do need to acknowledge his feelings a little more than I have...but I never looked at his response as an opening but more of a closing. <p>Honey, You made me laugh...he met the overseas OW (Serbian) while she was here visiting her sister who is one of my H's clients. She's 11 years younger than myself. <p>Lex, O, Honey, Topie, ILuv, KA and all the other mothers I may have missed...Happy Mother's Day! I often question my abilities as a mother since this struggle is certainly taking its toll...but I'm sure all of you have felt the same way at different times. And all of you are much stronger than I so I applaud you. I hope you're doing something special today. I will be without my H for the first time. That's all I will say for now.<p>Hugs to all of you.

Just a brief update...my anniversary came and went. I had asked my H not to contact me or try to see D on Saturday. He complied. I received flowers/cards from some friends and surprisingly, each and every participant (10 couples) in our wedding party called me leaving a message. Was very thoughtful. <p>H left a Mother's Day card for me on Sunday from D. He wrote in it more "babble" which included stating that "he wished things were different but they're not"(love you Orchid)...and ended it with "make sure you never take D for granted". <p>I made it with only a few very private tears. Thanks for your support.

Terri,
I thought the letterwas bazare-- agree that is is blaming & tring to justify his inaapropiate actions.
It soes tell methat he wants to keep this alive --at least the bantering part. I like Lexxsy take & also the idea that he is perhaps being open & honest aboujthis feeling - although I cannot see him as the romantic type? I am curious how you feel about hos aquzations -- can you answer them in a non-threatening way?
Is he giving you chances to make amends or his he throw more pain & guilt your way? I like the ide of assuming the positive & respond in your most mature way & see how that works.
Careful to admitting those aqusations ---might be some kind of trap to prove some kind of mental cruelity & claim custidy of your D with child support. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]
Good Luck!
HH

Just read your H's email,so I may be a little behind the times on this one. <p>If you do D, then what your children learn over time will vary. When they are adults then maybe everything. But while they are still children, all of the details of how/why are damaging to a child. His words of "if she had loved me half as much as she loved you" may make your D feel it is her fault!! He is using her as a weapon.<p>If you are questioned you could respond with: "We were blessed with you, and both of us love you very much. We are better people living apart than together, and just because are not married anymore, we will always be your parents and love you very much."<p>I know you are not D'ed, and I hope he comes out of the fog. But any explanation of why the marriage doesn't work is really not the business of the children.<p>The only thing that is the cihldren's concern is that both parents still love them, and will be there for them. They must be assured that just because a marriage ends, parents' love does not.<p>You may have to take the higher road on this one. And never say anything negative about H to or in front of children, if he does then that will rest on him. <p>Hope I am not being harsh. This is a very difficult situation. Hope things improve.