What a roller coaster ride! WH and I talked and argued (sorry I couldn't help it) last night for 4 hours. He was furious with me for questioning where he was until 9:15 p.m. He's angry because I've been checking his voicemail. WH says everytime I check up on him, he feels violated! He says he feels like he is on a short leash. Please tell me this is FOG talk??? He says that he has confessed to what he's done to friends, ministers, etc. and now it's my turn to accept my part of it, which i do. I was very withdrawn in the past year, and while the A went on without my knowing I built up a lot of walls to protect myself, because my gut was telling me something was going on. So, yes, I have a lot to work on too and I've told him that. We can't agree on the no privacy and radical honesty thing. He tells me I just need to relax and get over it. I got so heated I told him that maybe we need a separation for a while. He said no, he loves me.
I don't know where to go from here. We can't afford a counselor. He read SAA, but now says I need to quit reading all that junk.
Today he has been sweet, telling me he loves me, asking how I am. As long as I don't bring ANYTHING up, we can get along.
I DON"T KNOW WHAT TO DO NOW>
Thank you all for your insight and advice.
Tearfully,
KK

It's tough KK, but your WH sounds like textbook WS. Very little you can do, except Plan A you beehind off, make yourself better, make the changes you know you need to make, for yourself and for the M, and hang on for the ride.<p>I've been on that rollercoaster for 8 months now, and boy...where's the dramamine?!?!<p>Keep working on you, keep working Plan A, learn, post, and get C whenever you are able to. It'll help.<p>We're here to support you, so keep posting!

Thanks, space case.
In my heart I know all that. It's just SO hard. Are things getting better for you?
KK

my WH was much like yours after dday #1... unfortunately there was a dday #2 2 months later. After that day everything was dramatically different. He set up an account so I could monitor his cell phone usage online (his idea), told me if OW stopped by store to visit friends (though she 'hates' him now and won't even try to speak to him thank goodness), etc. I was SERIOUS on dday 2 that it was no contact or plan b and it shocked him out of the fog. Then I could tell as he gradually came out of the fog more and more. He offers info and I don't have to ask for it. But now that he realizes what he did, he is paranoid about me doing the same...like all of a sudden he realizes what he had and what a "catch" I am that someone is going to steal me away...if I was a catch for anyone but him, I would've been long gone....but we're good together [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Good luck. I say definite FOG talk. Prepare yourself for another dday. Until then, plan A, start focusing more on you and less on him.

KK, how are you doing.