After finding a great deal of peace after the situation on Wednesday, I haven't had time to really think or do anything more about WH or OW. <p>WH hasn't contacted me since an hour after incident, at that time I told him that I needed to re-group before communicating with him again.<p>Everyone has insinuated that WH/OW relationship is shakey at best, they either believe that or were just saying that to make me feel good!!!<p>I am trying to decide if I should poke a little at the relationship and stir it a little, and if I do how do I do that long distance? (They aren't even together they have 1500 miles between them)...........or.........do I continue as I have and basically ignore them and do nothing?<p>Any help or advice would be great as I am just not hearing what it is I am to do, actually I am very torn.<p>Thanks for any and all help!!<p>
It's a Friday night and I am setting here with a bunch of kids aaaaaagain!! Were are you FSA?<p>Dawn [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Hey Dawn,<p>Don't really have a reply for you....but wanted to say Hi. I have found it best for me to stay out of my H's life with OW....Whatever happens with her has to be in his ballcourt. <p>I am trying hard to move on with my own life...if he wants to be with me and the kids--that will have to first be his choice......and then he will have to beg, plead...crawl across fire...etc. etc.---just kidding.<p>He is losing a lot here. He feels like his life is so rosey with OW.....well let him figure out on his own what he has lost. I don't want to interfer with that. <p>Anyway, take care. Pat

Hey Dawn...<p>I know you've read Lostva's story.... that's my best suggestion.<p>I know the temptation is great, but I think you let them hang themselves with their own rope... such as was done w/ the email.<p>Hugs.
Cali

Cali,<p>I know I know, but can I poke just a little!!! Pleeeeeeease!!!!<p>MnM, Thanks for your thoughts, I see your D will be final on the 31st. Your WH will eventually see what it is he is losing but won't be for awhile yet, and am not sure that I will be here for him to come home to!!<p>Dawn [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Dawnie - please don't go pokin' around.<p>You don't need to.<p>You're "above" doin' that. Do not lower yourself, do not step down from the moral high ground.<p>I understand the temptation, having felt it myself. But I'll bet your "help" isn't needed right now to upset reality. Please remember: the affair will very likely end. To hasten its end, do not interfere with it.<p>WAT

Just think about this - do you want the affair to die on its own, leaving no doubt in his mind that he really screwed up?<p>Or do you want him resentful that you helped end it, and his idea that maybe it could have worked if you had just stayed out of it?<p>It will die without your help!

Daybreak/Dawn, He sounds so on the fence you can't help him. For everything you do to push him makes him more uncertain. It sounds like you need a break, and to do something for yourself. recharge yourself so you are clear. Let her LB and push. The conclusion he reaches on his own will stay with him better.
Good luck

I tried poking around a couple of times and on one occasion H said it MADE him contact her again! Of course it was my fault, I held the gun to his head - any excuse will do won't it. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

Thank you all!!! Specially for not giving me permission to do poke!!! If someone had given permission I probably would have poked. You just don't want me to have any fun!!!!<p>WAT---you are so right I have kept "above" all of that for the last 17 months, why sink now? I have been so nice he isn't sure what to think and I am susre I really messed with him Wed.<p>BR----I'm taking the advice and so appreciate it!! I know, really I do that it will die, byt the end of the marriage is so close at hand, (I've never believed that I would be a divorce person), but the papers are all done and waiting for the judge, so I thought that perhaps I was suppose to help with the demise of the A as OW helped with the demise of my marriage.<p>Daniel-------This is only the first time in the 17 months since d day that I wave seen him waiver in any way!!<p>Seahorse----Thanks for the insight, I am glad to know that it probably would not have helped "poking".<p>It is raining and icky yet again outside, will be one the road in afew hours with 8 teens going to a bowling tournament!!Yeppy!! They are good kids, just been a hassle getting all 8 of them ready to go!!!1 dropped out last minute and we've searched for a replacement and couldn't come up with someone last minute so my 11 yo will get to go, she is so excited!!<p>I know that it will be fun for all!!<p>I trul have valued all of the insight and advice on my last two post, as WH has been so sure of everything that he has said and done recently that I was beginning to believe some of his bull, and I knew better I did. Just all so confusing. But I am "above" itall and will remain "above" it all!!! Thanks, Love you guys!!!<p>Dawn [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Good job, Dawnie.<p>Look at it this way - you'd be pokin' around in the garbage. That's how he got in this mess.<p>WAT

Think it would be smelly too!! They can keep the aroma for themselves!!<p>Dawn [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Dawn,<p>glad you didn't poke. you had great advice. I would have poked. I wouldn't be able to help myself.<p>Have fun at bowling. be careful out there.<p>With that icy weather bet you don't want to hear about the pool party we are having this afternoon.<p>Hey, I have to talk good about the weather before it gets so hot & humid that you can have a heat stroke walking to your car. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

sing,<p>It wasn't the easiest thing, not to poke, but was so busy trying to get this bolwing thing together and at school that I couldn't find the time to poke, so guess itwasn't that important!!!<p>We need the mositure so badly here, didn't get the snow that we usually do, so will be a bad fire season!!<p>No I really don't want to think about your pool party!!! What is the reason for having it? A son's birthday or what?<p>I really need my glasses to type, but you're not to look at the kieys any ways right!!<p>Have fun splashing!!! And yes I did get good advice that I took!!!<p>Dawn [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

I had all the info I wanted at one point. I know her e-mail password, her long distance bill password, and all her credit card online accounts. I could track her every move. And to be honest, I did for a while. Then one day I was out golfing and checking her e-mail on my cell phone. Then came an e-mail from the suspected OM. The emotion and hurt I felt caused me to leave the golf course (and I was having a very good round). I went home and cried and refelt all of the emotions that I felt when she left, and I felt them with the same intensity. After hours of deep reflection, I came to the decision that to keep my own sanity and release the pain, I had to stop. I found that whenever something like that came up, I regressed into the insecure, crying whining baby.
Once I resolved that this is in fact her drama and her decision, I was able to quit monitoring. I also found that my thoughts are not on her and her actions very much anymore and I am able to focus on myself and my life. I have no choice in the matter and asking questions for reassurance usually gave me the answers that I did not want to hear. Sometimes they will tell you things to push buttons and get you to prove them right by your reactions. I found that by not asking questions and monitoring their activity, you don't leave your buttons exposed for them to push.<p>I don't know if thta makes sense, but that is the world according to c-dude<p>Danny

Danny,<p>Yeah it does make sense, I haven't really worried too much about what he is doing or whatever. <p>It's just to the end, DV paper work is waiting on the judge, WH goffed big time, first time and I just needed to know for sure, I would hate to go through all of this and not be 100% ok with the way things are going.<p>I really don't care to have anything to do with OW. And if I never have to meet her that is ok with me!!<p>Dawn [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Dawn,<p>how was bowling? the pool party ofr YS birthday was great.<p>YS bday was 2 months ago but I made him wait till the water was warm enough & I was out of school.