I don't disagree with anyone's posts so far on this topic. This is definitely supposed to be a marriage builders site and I have personally received so many helpful responses from both those who have been on for awhile and from newbies.<p>I don'think I am the most sage person in the world...but I do try to help when I can. I hope I have learned some of the principals talked about here--I am sure I could do better with them too.<p>I think this whole thing is a process you go through. I know there have been times--all I want to do is scream and rant and rave. It is the only place you can do it without hopefully being evaluated. Everywhere else in my life, I have to act like I am in control of the situation--when in reality, I am dying inside. Sometimes the things my H does so enrage me--this is the only place I can vent. It is the only place I feel people can express themselves and others can understand.<p>I hope I am maturing in my posts. I hope I am growing in my emotional part of me. But sometimes I just can't take anymore. This week I royally exploded with my H over some stupid things he has said and done to my kids. I should have vented here instead. Sometimes I am tired of being the nice guy. He screwed me and my family over. Sometimes I just want to kill him [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] It is hard being involved in this affair situation---it is harder than anything I have ever done. <p>Some of the posts I don't agree with---and they don't do anything for me personally to help me with my growth--so I don't read them anymore.<p>I can honestly say tho---that for over the 25 years of my marriage and the h*** he put me through without help from anyone--this time this site and the people who have responded to me have saved my sanity. When I think I can't do anymore--someone here helps bring some common sense back into my life. I truely don't think I would have survived it this time without all of you. Sometimes I haven't agreed with some of the posts--but usually they have made me think, calm down and act more rationally. Thank you all. Pat<p>[ May 10, 2002: Message edited by: miserynmissouri ]</p>

Hey MnM...<p>Glad to 'see' you. You sound even stronger.<p>Hugs,
Cali

Thanks Cali,<p>Have been extremely busy...and haven't been on in awhile. <p>You can tell....I don't know how I started a new post....meant this to go under "Have you noticed..." [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] Oh well....<p>How have you been? Sounds like things are going well for you. We are surviving here...just barely. <p>Our life has been the normal hectic end of the school year stuff. Dealings with my STBX have been interesting at best. I am also having to deal with my kids highschool soccer coach--who could be his identical twin. Yuck!!! Only 12 more days to summer vacation. My divorce will be final May 31st if I can squeeze it into our schedule. Graduation is a week away...and we haven't done much yet...it may not get done either. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] I walked in tonight and my house looks like a tornado hit it. The worst part is...I am too tired to care.<p>They lost my daughter's graduation announcements--so we don't even have those out yet. I am laughing as I am writing this. You would think I was still on Zoloft (my prescription ran out last week)---things that I normally would be spun up about--I just don't see the significance at this time. I guess that is good.<p>Have I missed some bad posts or something? The few times I have been on...I have still still encountered great advice and correspondance. <p>Thanks for the post...Pat

No... having been here a whole YEAR... it seems just a cyclical thing...<p>Newbies who are stubborn... whiney... kinda like me when I started out [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] ... guess I have empathy for them...<p>Sometimes it is overwhelming trying to keep up. Some new ones only have one or two people posting to them... <p>End of the school here too... though we are in the standardized testing phase... we don't get out until Jun 12.<p>Yep... it is 'funny' out the things we used to think WERE so DA***D important... don't really matter anymore. I guess it's called perspective.<p>Hugs again,
Cali

Yeah...we have been doing testing too--or trying to. My kids haven't been sick all year...and in the last month, I have had to take about 4 days off for a horrible case of pink eye, strep throat, the flu and now Kaitie broke her middle finger. Actually, that one has been kind of funny. When things get rough--we just tell Kaitie to hold up that hand. (Not happy with Dad---wave to him [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] ) Oh well....Meg and Mandy and I have to be careful with what we are imparting to the little guys. <p>I am so far behind this year. I've written the worst IEPS I have ever written...and I have been winging it at conferences. I didn't realize how much my H did around here until the grass started growing. I bought a new mower--and darn the stupid thing works. One of my new "friends" fixed my weedwacker too---so now I have to do that too...darn. I have figured out I need another 24 hours in my day in order to make it. I am just going to hang out this summer tho--no summer school, no classes, and only one of the kids is doing baseball---yea!!! Swim team will still be there tho....I can't wait.<p>I need everyone's prayers to get me through graduation tho. We are going to have a dessert reception here the night before graduation from 8 to 11---the only time we could fit it in. That will be fun. At least I don't have to do dinner. Sorry I am rambling tonight---to talkative. <p>Don't you hate testing. The kids think they are done when they are over. Party time. I kind of feel that way too. Thank heavens for field trips. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Pat,<p>Been wondering how you were doing with graduation coming up & everything.<p>The boys have 12 days left. I have 13 in the school I am in, that is not counting the last teacher day, as I am just a long-term sub, <p>I slipped last night. Long story but a lot of mom tired of dealing with teenager boy blues & add same teenager doesn't have a car much less his license as any insurance. <p>So I was Calling STBX car phone no answer, I called his house, I never call there, so I couldn't remember the number, had to ask son. So I call & I get the OW, she says he isn't there & could she take a message she implied that she didn't know who I was. Remember I was very frustrated that STBX has chosen not to be here that night, he has chosen to live an hour & half away so I replied tell his WIFE called. She about died, she laugh then asked how I was, said he be HOME soon & slammed the phone down.<p>Okay I know I should not have done that but I couldn't help it. Partly because I know how much she hates that even after living with him almost a yr & seeing him for 3, he is still not divorced. Gee wonder if that could be a reason that I am slower than Christmas about returning anything to my lawyer.<p>I then tried to call STBX car phone again, it was busy, and she beat me to it again. Later I founded 3 messages from him, the 1st time you could hear the laughter in his voice. <p>When I finally did talk to him, I told him what I wanted was no longer an issue that sometimes I get tired of dealing with all the parent stuff. And to tell the OW I was sorry that my remark was uncalled for. I did tell him that I couldn't resists when she left herself wide open.<p>So today I have squared away everything with the insurance <p>I really don't miss the STBX in a lot of ways. What I miss is like next wk the new Star Wars comes out; I have seen all but the 1st with him. <p>But I woke up a few wks ago & realized I was happy and I am.<p>Hoping that all goes well with you in the next few wks.

I don't think you slipped Sing....I have done that before.<p>Sometimes it is just so hard to be so d*** nice all the time. Sometimes I don't think it hurts to let some of those feelings out every once and awhile. She needs to be reminded that you are STILL his wife. I get amazed at the attitudes of the OWs and WHs. <p>You do such a good job with your parenting skills in this mess. I look up to you for inspiration. I don't do nearly as well as you do. <p>I don't know if anyone knows how tough it is to be a single parent and go through all the emotional crap and affair brings. It is hard enough just being a single parent---and yet we are supposed to do it with grace, understanding, forgiveness and love. Tough to do sometimes. Hang in there. <p>I will let you know how graduation goes. It will be an adventure that is for sure. Pat

Pat,<p>I am not nearly as good with those parenting skills as you think. I think I am good at knowing what one should do & telling someone else but putting them into play now there in lies the hard part.<p>I think single parenting sucks (I hate that word but stink just didn't work). What I really hate about it is, I am the only one who is waiting up for OS to be home (guess what I am doing now). I hate it. I hate setting the crefews, wondering who is driving, is anyone drinking or anything else. Just everything.<p>I have often thought about calling STBX about this time a night & say Well, since I am up, waiting & worring about OS, I though you & OW should be also. Why should I be the only one not getting sleep?<p>Don't you dare let your inlaws stay with you. My MIL, SIL & I still email but it is getting fewer but they are still there. They don't want to loose contact with me if for no other reason than the boys.<p>Good luck next wk. Can't wait to hear how it all goes. I'll shed a few tears for you.

Pat,
Glad to see you are surviving!! You will make it through keep that chin up!!!<p>Dawn [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]