Well I found out today that WS has been to another lawyer! We separated in March, I moved out for 3 weeks (at a friends), then I moved back home, stayed together for a week while she found herself an apartment. She moved out in March, on a 6 month lease to "find herself"<p>Well I think she's found herself, even though OM has been out of the picture since March, she is dating a new man now!<p>DDay #1 was back in September last year, I have tried a hard plan A (yeah a few LB's here and there, but it's tough with continued contact). Do I just resign myself to D now? Is there any hope left?

Hi, don't give up yet... she may be spiraling down... my h went from one ow to his maid.. granted he is an alcoholic... but you can't find yourself in others... sounds more like she is losing herself... keep praying and doing the right things on your part... take care of you. read the book s and post and grow... by your growing perhpas there will be a relationship to salvage when she does wake up... sounds very immature and out there...<p>Honey

I don't think you give her the divorce yet, but rather set a time frame in your mind of 2-6 months from now to decide whatyour life and hers is going to look like in the future. This will give you the time to remove some of the emotion you are presently feeling, let her know that you are not ready to quit as she is, and maybe give time to have things change. Based on her actions and how you feel over this time frame, I think the answer will come to you quite easily. I do believe if you are not ready for the divorce at present you need to let her know verbally or in letter, how you feel about what she did, your emotions you experienced, what your marriage has meant to you, and what you hope for the future, with reference to taking X amount of time for both of you to calm down and decide what is workable(I didn't say best for all, because that may not fit). I would ask her based on the years of your marriage and the good time sto at least sit and listen to you as you read her the letter. This way even if she walks out the door and throws it out, you can at least know you let her know what you felt. It is quite good emotional assitance for yourself. Good-luck.

One more thing the time is most likely a good thing anyways as if teh relationship doesn't work it gives you time to focus on your life, and get some closure on the relationship before you move into another. I am doing alot of thinking about what I would/would not do different, where my interests lie at present, and what things I will look for in a woman if I should be lucky enough to meet on in the future. My wife has left me in a place that it is very unlikely that she is coming back, but I will still take the time for myself, and then make decision after the date I set in my head. I used another important date such as the custody hearing for the kids as the date I will make my decision around. Just ideas.

Thanks for the replies, I am trying to be positive, my WS seems to have given up of our M, she hasn't made any attempt to work on our M, even the A aside. But obviously if there is another man she is starting to get involved with, then I'm not sure that there is any hope for reconciliation

One more Q, talked to WS today, she flatly denied talking to a lawyer, but this is the woman that said she hadn't talked to OM, and still denied it when it showed up on her cell phone call log, even when I showed her the log she still denied it. Should I go to plan B, I mean we're already separated, should I separate the bank accounts and have no contact with her except to do with our son?

As bad as this will sound if she is lieing to you about the lawyer, I would be aware of what her motives are. If she is keeping this as a secret there maybe other motives such as her trying to get at the finances, or who knows what else. I talked to a lawyer, but I let my wife know that I was going to and what I was going to talk about. When she starts to see a lawyer I will take it that things are going to get serious. Sorry but the step of going to a lawyer is a strategic step, and usually a person has something in mind. I would not push it to far with her, but rather be prepared, adn aware of what her next step is. How can you tell my trust in a person that has a affair is very low?

I would immediately freeze your assets, and get a separate account. If she has the children, figure out a way that you can give her finances for the children, by wiring money into the joint account. Is it both your money or her money she is using to see the lawyer? Will there be enough money for you to use a lawyer after she gets one? If she is seeing another man, he may be advising her, and she may do some things different then you would expect. I am seeing it in my wife at present, she is thinking different then she traditionally did. I would still not up and give her the divorce at present, but wait the time frame I mentioned earlier, but make sure you take care of yourself and your finances. When my wife first started seeing the other guy, one of the signs was how much money she went through very quickly. For that we are still recovering, but I had her isolated from the finanaces within 16 hours of finding out about the affair.