Hi. I've been here last year and been around the block since and I'm back, but no better off, yet...<p>My H had affair 12/99-10-2000. This was in my eyes, the second time. I initially wanted to fix things, but tired quickly of seeing his "getting it out of system" letters (yes, I was snooping) and also he left them lying around. I was tired of seeing how he felt for her and didn't for me and I started to give up. He moved out in 2/01 and in 3/01, I ended up in another relationship with a man who was my friend a long time ago and who I really care about. I just ended it a little over two weeks ago because I found myself always feeling guilty for giving up on my relationship.<p>So anyway, now I feel better that I made a right decision, but find my self no less confused about my husband. There is so much damage and I don't really miss HIM. I miss the family life. I am so lonely when I'm by myself but manage to keep busy, but when I have my kids, I find myself wanting to invite him to do stuff with us, but afraid to be in his presence.<p>Should I just "know it" that I want to work on things? I just don't feel it but am afraid to totally let the relationship go. I think that I am afraid of the guilt I will feel if I am the one to make the final decision, that my children might somehow blame me.<p>My H since 10/00 has once rekindled his affair because he was angry with me and my relationship and has dated three women. We are both now in a holding pattern, trying to figure this mess out.<p>So, should I be feeling something? Does my ambivilence and fear mean something? What am I not getting here?<p>Thanks.
