I am 10 months from dday. My WS and I are still living in the same house and at times things are wonderful. I am trying very hard to show him love and support and to be there for him no LBing. I have read all of the Harley books and follow the principles, I believe that is why we have made it this far. <p>But........and there is always a but isn't there. I recently received a phone call from a friend. This person is a friend of mine but also the OW. She told me that she had recently found out that they were still in contact. This friend was completely on my side after dday and hurt by her friend the OW when it came out because she had introduced my WS to OW. OW lied to her about the A when I suspected it and confronted OW and H. OW now has a single boy that she is dating and I do mean boy since OW is only 20 years old and was only 19 when A started.<p>I decided to do something I am not very proud of but at the time felt was necassary. I broke into WH's cell phone and found out that they were talking on the phone to one another several times a day. I confronted OW first. Yes I know bad move but she did not deny it. SHe told me that they talked but were just friends that she now had a boyfriend. I then confronted WS about it. He denied everything. Told me that he had not been in contact with her. I told him that I had talked to her and that she didn't deny it. I did not tell him that I had checked his cell phone. OW dosen't know how I know either she just knows that I know. <p>I told him that if he was in contact with her one more time that he could pack his bags and leave that I had been put through a year of hell that I refused to go through again. I have been checking his cell phone now everyday. He dosen't know that I can do it so I still check it. There has been no more phone calls between the two of them. Things are pretty good at home. He stills hasn't verbally told me that he loves me but he does things every now and then that I know shows me he does. <p>I am wondering is this a good sign or should I move on? At this point I am up for either I just can not take anymore of what I went through before. I will not do it. I love him but I have more respect for myself then to allow to be dragged through that again.<p>Music

I am glad that things are much better for you. It is good that he doesn't contact the ow anymore and prayerfully it will stay that way. Are you still friends with your friend that introduced your H to OW?

Well, personally, I do not see anything wrong with anything you did. He's continuing in his lies and you have to snoop to get to the truth. Dr.Harley recommends that the WS willingly allows the BS to do as much snooping as necessary. Evidently your WS has not agreed to this.<p>I say good for you. You have a plan, it sounds like to me--continued contact = Plan B. Sounds good to me.<p>Now, about the angry outbursts... Gotta figure out a way to simmer down. I once read that anger is about us--not the other person. Maybe getting to the heart of your anger can help YOU be a better YOU.<p>I don't see anything wrong with your contacting the OW. It sounds to me like you had a civil conversation and she was cooperative. Can't ask for more than that?!<p>Hang in there, I know this was not easy for you. I responded to your post on the "silent treatment" thread--your words were very helpful to me.<p>Anyway, perhaps your H is open to counseling with Dr.Harley? Maybe that is a next step that would help HIM develop the right plan for HIM to move forward with your marriage and leave this OW behind for good?!? Maybe? (((HUGS)))