Ok here is the short version of my life at the moment and I'm open to any and all suggestions....<p>My WH and I talked this weekend after I a very long week of me being moody and upset... Last weekend I asked the questions that no one really wants the answers too.. The How are you? do you still wish you had moved out? I got the answers but of course I didn&#8217;t like them. My counselor is telling me to give him a break, He&#8217;s not seeing OW - (except at work) they don&#8217;t talk (as far as I know) and he is doing the counseling (Individual) and just started taking Anti-d's - My Counselor told me to take his actions and not his words to heart, that he is trying. <p>Ok - Moving on - I went out with Friends on Friday night for the first time since d-day - On Saturday I just had to go on-line to see if he had emailed her - He hadn&#8217;t but he did visit divorce web sites and checked OW's horoscope - So he gets home from work and I asked him "WHY?" he then proceeds to tell me that he made a list of all of our bills and split them in 1/2 and when he goes to the Army reserves for 2 weeks starting June 1 he is going to think about what he wants to do and let me know when he gets back.... He feels that I will never forgive him for what he did and that he cant live like this...that right now he is 80/20 - 80% of him wants to leave and 20% of him wants to stay and work things out.<p>Then on Mothers day he gives me a card that says that I'm right that he did love me at one point and maybe we can get it back but that I just have to understand that he needs to do things his way for once - That he will always be there for me and respects me as the mother of our children....and that he knows the past few months have been hard on me but that they have been hard on him too...<p>Ok - does anyone know what to make of this... I'm so confused...I don&#8217;t know if this is good, bad or just down right mixed signals...
[img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

I don't have of advice except these two observations:<p>1. Keep your eye on the big picture. I know it easy to get up and down on the day-to-day stuff but try not to ride that roller coaster. It's a lot easier on YOU to just let some stuff slide.<p>2. Patience...I know it's hard but you really need to give things time. Remember, believe nothing that they say and half of what they do....time is on your side, but only if you can be patient. Again...don't ride the day-to-day roller coaster.<p>Good luck <p>E

Thanks Elad - I know I need to find Patients... I'm driving him crazy.. He actually told me that the reason he is going to try and deciede what he wants now is because I cant let thing go.. I have to keep pushing for answers... I told him that I could leave things alone if I just knew he was committed to working on our M!

Give time for your husbands to think on what he really wants. The main thing is he is communicating and opening up his feelings. Try not to dig up the affair. I know its hard but yes, your husband is probably soffocating with your questions about his affair. I've been there and the more questions i ask about his affair the more he gets annoyed with it. I realise i am pushing him away again. Your situation is probably better than mine as your husband is cooperating. My husband...nah... he's not remorse. He still think its my fault probably to make him feel better and to get rid of the guilt.

Dont you just love their guilt - My H tells me that he isnt sure he can forgive me for calling his OW - I found her number and asked him if he was having an A and he said no, so I called and got her H. OW hasnt talked to him since! He lost his friend (oh...poor baby)<p>I seem to be able to restrain myself from asking questions for about 4 weeks and then I just bust.. I need to know and cant seem to stop myself...It sucks.

R,
I saw your post on DANI, and though i would see what is up in your crazy world today, bout like mine, except my WH other OP is still with her OP (not married but live in # 5 or 6 its hard to keep up) MY WH tells me, current man is crazy, that he threated to kill himself if she left him, BLAH BLAH, tells me not to tell him because he knows i wouldn't want that on my concience (sp)How does he know, i don't think he knows and they are all lying, such moral, upright, honest, people my life is surounded by IDIOTS LOL sara

Dont you just love the crazy world we live in - I just want my boring old life back... I really miss it!<p>I'm sorry to hear that you are still on this seemingly never ending roller coaster.. I just want off - How about you?

I would love to get off, heck, i would have never got on. LOL, daughters do make it worth it don't they. Mine is definitly the sunshine in my day. She turned 7, MAY 1. Definitly one of the best things he ever did. My son is great too. He is nine and a little to smart for his britchs right now. I tell them all the time, he is my pride and she is my joy. and they are. I am glad that they don't know that they are the only reason i get out of bed some mornings, to much responsibility for their little shoulders to handle i think. hugs sara

My 6 year old is a lot like her daddy (which I use to think was good) but she is kind of a loaner, but can wrap anyone right around that little finger - You can't stay mad at her for long! and my 8 year old seems to be starting with the Pre-teens a little early, unfortunately she is like me so we butt heads all the time but I wouldn&#8217;t trade them for the world. They make me remember why I'm trying so hard to make this work - we were a good family each with our own individual qualities that made us complete. I use to love rollercoasters but dont think I will ever want to ride one again -we have to rememeber that when were on the down hill there is usually a up hill just ahead - Keep that in mind (I'm trying too)

I have to run now, you know work [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] i teach school and its almost over for the year. just when i think i have it really bad, i get to teach a little girl who is either autistic or im not sure and i am so grateful to God for not giving me more than i can bear. Hugs and prayers sara,
i will check in in the morning.
ps sunnyday19672002@yahoo.com

cloudy -<p>Have a great rest of the day - and keep smiling! I find it helps even when you want to cry..<p>I will email you later and if you ever need anything my email is JUbil@rwd.com<p> [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

R,<p>Thanks for the reply. I am smiling, i feel like that doll on maniquin [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I hope this plan a works. (most of the time i hope, sometimes i just don't give a crap.) my new radical honesty plan. Tell it how it is. (as long as its not LB lol )<p>HUGS

well here is my latest and greatest...<p>Last night We were watching Everybody love Raymond and my H asked me if I had talked to my friend Sue (she is the only one who really knows everything about what's going on in my life) and told her what we had talked about Saturday. I told him, Yeah we talked a little so he asked me "what did she think?" I just told him that she was Sad for me and just wanted to see me happy again. so I'm sitting there trying not to cry and he looks over about 10 minutes later and asks "what's wrong?" I get Mad! I tell him that you know its one thing if you want out but don't make a joke of our lives - You know this isn't what I want and I cant stop you but I don't want you to make fun. He actually apologized and told me that he was just kidding - I was like, yeah right! and that I understood about wanting life to be different, and needing to change a few things but I just couldn't understand how he could want to throw our whole life together away! So after that I go take a bath, when I come out he tells me again that he is sorry that he doesn't mean to hurt me. So we goto bed and I lean over and give him a kiss - we are laying there and once again he tells me that he is really sorry and that he really hasn't given up hope yet and that I need to be patient with him, with tears in my voice I tell him - I know, and the fact that your still hear gives me hope. He then asks me if I want to have sex? I was like wow - because one of his things has been that he wants me to initiate everything so he hasn't been doing it and he actually kisses me after... Ok so do I take this as good that there may be a ray of light under all this fog or is it him saying goodbye? oh yeah and this morning he actually came in the bathroom to say goodbye before he left - I don't know what to think