What a weekend I had. On Sat., H and I went out of town for the weekend. There's a place we go to when we want to just relax/let our hair down. Had a great time Saturday, relaxed then went out at nite and had a few drinks, danced, etc. He told me Happy Mother's Day in advance and that he loves me. Woke up Sunday morning, had great sex (sorry...but it was part of the "good" weekend).<p>So then I walked into the kitchen after taking a shower. He was cooking breakfast...sweet, right? He was also talking to OW on the phone. He didn't try to hide it. OW was a "best friend" of mine and I guess he thinks we can still keep casual contact with her. <p>So I got upset and clammed up most of the day cuz I though I couldn't talk without LBing. On our way home, he asked what was wrong. I couldn't talk; didn't want to cry. He said he knew what was wrong and that at least he didn't lie about talking to her and that he's "only" talked to her 3 times since I thought contact had been broken. She, the lying *****, had promised me that it was over and that she wouldn't talk to him. I guess all of you people who've been telling me not to trust OW even though she was a friend were right. I'm a bit hardheaded sometimes:-) <p>Anyway, we had a long talk which amounted to he loves me, I love him, we don't know what to do, we both can't think of anything else but how is this going to work out without destroying us. He said he wants it to work out sometimes, sometimes not. He cares about her, too. I didn't LB, but wanted to. He said that if he didn't want it to work out, he wouldn't still be living with me. I told him that if he was wanting me to tell him to leave, that I just couldn't do that. That I didn't want him to leave. He said he didn't want to leave but that he doesn't know what he wants. Asked me to tell him what to do. I said it won't do any good unless the decision comes from him. Bottom line--I'm confused. He also thinks that I'm "acting" in order to keep him around. Wants the real me. Well, I told him that I've been pretending to be "perfect" for everyone for years, and that I dropped all acts on d-day. So this is the real me (just without LB's...I think that's what he means). I told him I wouldn't act anymore for anyone. He said he had never put on acts for people (okay...but he "acted" like our marriage was okay for 3 years). Anyway, I know I'm rambling, but can anyone help me make sense of this.<p>I'd like to email OW who promised me that she loved me and she was sorry and she wouldn't talk to H. It would go something like this:<p>"I was under the mistaken belief that you had a little integrity left. I won't make that mistake again. If you want to continue attempting to destroy my life, I WILL destroy yours..."<p>I know, I know...not a good plan, and I won't do it...but it would feel good. It would also feel good to yell at her...but that would make me the b****, not her. And she deserves the title :-)

up

GOOD GOD DANI<<p>Our husbands are talking this sounds just like my husband, scary, He is 33 yours ??? i was wondering if this was some kind of pre mid life you know crisis. lol its definitly a crisis for me. And i know what you mean, i would love to tell the OW (not ever my friend) that if she continues to f*** with my world, I WILL F*** hers all to pieces. VERY BIG LB, as she would tell, ps. i will look for your thread good luck sara

My WH is 32 and I swear it is a Mid-Life thing... He just wants to be happy, doesnt know if he's ever been happy in our 10 years of marriage - Maybe we should send our WH's to lunch together and see if they figure anything out for themselves! <p>A piece of Advice I learned the hard way - Be careful contacting OW - My H is still mad (and thats the nice way of saying it) at me for contacting his 3 months ago. Says he cant trust me.. now thats a good one!

Wow,
even the happy thing, i haven't been happy blah blah, i can't believe how much they sound the same. We even have kids almost the same age mine are son 9 and daughter 7 and we have been married 10 years too, SPOOKY the new """10 year iche"" LOL keep me posted maybe we can help eachother out. You know the best thing about this site, i don't feel so alone Hugs to you and many thanks

Wow...it's bizarre how much alike our H's are! Mine's 31, not sure how to be "happy," doesn't know "who he is or what he wants." Yadda yadda yadda.<p>I would call/email OW, BUT I know now that she would either tell or forward the message. To think that I was hanging on to a shred of our friendship now makes me sick. She sat and talked to me after I found out, told me how sorry she was, that she couldn't explain why it happened, that she'd do anything I wanted, that she "owed" me that, that she loved me (ha!)<p>So I asked her not to talk to him...she promised...I believed her. She is the biggest f***ing b***h in the world and I hate her guts!<p>Okay...I just needed to get that out. I feel so stupid that I trusted her after I knew she'd been sleeping w/my H for 3 years. What was I thinking?<p>When H and I were talking yesterday, he said something to the effect of how could I not have known what was going on when any outsider could've seen it. I said:<p>#1: The two of them were the two people I loved the most in the world. I trusted them. I felt like I could be myself around them, with no pretenses. I had fun when we were all together. <p>#2: They're step-cousins. Yeah, not the real thing, but it matters to everyone else. Why should it not matter to them? <p>BTW, if I ever need to ruin OW's world, all I have to do is tell her family and her live-in BF. But it would crush them, and I love them, so I'm saving it as a last resort. It would F*** up her world. I won't do it now, cuz it would be a LB, but if he chooses her, I will.

up

AHHHHH.... its so frustrating... I just dont get them (Our WS's)!!! I know things are hard sometimes, Marriage is hard but its like this generation has made it too easy for people to get divorced and find someone new... everything takes work and it might be hard but should be worth it.<p>I would love to ruin the OW's world and maybe I did - I called her H and pretty much told him I had found her number on my H's cell. They work together and she is someone I would have had to consider a friend. They have worked together for 3 years, I even tried to get her a job at my office - He H and I talked and then I went home and confronted my H about it - He denied everything and convinced me to call her H back and tell him I was wrong, that they were just friends becuase he was afraid that her H was going to Hurt her... so I called back and told this man that I was wrong and guess what - She had spilled her guts... told her H everything and promised to stop everything and not see my H again... Her H went up to their work the next day with the intention of kicking my H's AS* My H was late that day (thank god - I think) so he didnt get to do it but to this day OW wont have anything to do with my H - He blames me for losing his friend and thinks that she is afraid of her H and thats why she wont talk to him... Talk about a fog - She played my H - she wasnt getting all her needs met at home and saw that my H was having problems also and used that...My H now says he's not sure he can "forgive" me for calling her - that I had no right..whatever!

up

It's like my H has lost his ability to use logic. For one thing, whether he and OW wanted their R to work out or not, it WON'T. They would have to tell everyone, and both their families and their friends would be extremely hurt and turn on them (don't know if you know from other posts, they are step-cousins). I'm very close to both families; I know the reaction would be horrible. Also, my and H's daughter would be dragged into the middle of this sick thing. It would devastate her. They both realize this. So why do they continue to talk?<p>They act like they can't think. I told H yesterday, because he said that it "just happened" and that "it was nobody's fault", that no matter how swept up in things you get, you always have a choice. I know because I've had opportunities for A's before and I've made the choice not to. He said that the only other time he's felt the way he feels with her is when he's with me. <p>I don't understand a thing any more...

I completely understand the lost of logic therory - My H is being totally unrational. I often wonder why he says things he does. He use to be a very responsiable, caring, loving, understanding man and now he is a selfish, uncaring, selfcentered [censored]... he wants to get rid of my mini van and get a 2 door car, get a motorcycle, a new tatoo, find a new career but of course he doesnt know what he wants to do but it needs to be different..yeah, yeah, yeah.... but does he need to kill our marriage in the process

I think whoever came up with the "alien abduction" theory was onto something :-)