Well, last night my WW told me she "thinks" she wants to pursue a divorce. She says "too much damage has been done" to ever repair our marriage.
I reiterated that I still want to try, but she seems to be looking for a way out.
I've been plan A-ing from a distance as much as I can...but it seems that right now, the OM is what she wants.
I told her that she should take time and be sure, because once done, its done.....and she, myself, and our D will have to live with it. I also told her I think she is making a mistake, and that she may not realize it now, but that she would see it one day. She didn't comment.
Oh well, I'm preparing as best I can for what is to come. Very sad that it has come to this. :-(

maximus,<p>I'm sorry you're going through the pain you're going through. Please don't give up yet. I know how hard it is.<p>If you recall my WW moved out not long after yours did. I know how painful that is. I wish I could offer more than encouraging words to you. I really don't have a lot of advice to give. (I'm a recent member just like you)<p>My WW was talking divorce in the begining. Now though the the fog might be lifting. I don't know yet. It's too soon to have real hope yet.<p>The only advice I can give you is to not push the M with your WW. Let her come to you. Try not to LB. If she's looking for a way out don't give her one. There is lot's of great advice here at MB. read through some of the other posts. <p>Sometimes it's unreal how many of us are experiencing the same things. <p>Why don't you tell me what you've been doing since she moved out. Have you read HNHN or SAA? are you working on Plan A? <p>Feeling Lost

I am so sorry to hear about all of this. My H recently had an A and now the OW is pregnant with what was supposed to be our first child. He says that he can no longer cry about our divorce because he knows that he screwed up. He is now hanging with young 23 year old guys and going to the bars. I believe, like you, that he just wants his single life back. I know your pain. I am truly devastated. I was considering to sacrifice everything, even caring for this child, to be with him. He has kicked me in the heart so many times I just don't know if I am coming or going. You will be in my prayers whenever you come to mind. Know that you are not alone.

<<<Why don't you tell me what you've been doing since she moved out.>>><p>Well, I have my daughter over 50% of the time, so while she's with me, I take her for bike rides, to the park, Movies, to my moms etc....just try to have as much fun with her as I can.
The rest of the time, I work late, play golf, work around the house, hang out with friends and stuff like that. I'm a musician, so I've been writing songs as well. I've really been trying to keep myself as busy as possible. However, It seems that no matter what I do, I can't stop thinking about my W, busy or not. Just taking it day by day.
I plan A as much as I can. I took my W to dinner friday night. We had a nice time, had a nice talk about our D, our Jobs etc. Neither her A or our M came up once. I do tell her how much I love her everytime we talk or see each other. Thats about all I can do I guess.
BTW, thanks for the encouragement....and I hope things are improving for your situation.

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Max-<p>It aint over, not by a long shot! I think most WS's will push for the D at some time or the other because it will justify the A even that much more. Its just fog-ese talk, nothing more, don't take too personally. And don't do anything to encourage it either, make WS do all the work to get that D, if that is what she really wants. Your main objective is to restore the M and that is all you should be focusing on!<p>DDay was at the end of Feb for you, that's only 3 mos ago, and W moved out only 1 mos ago. Not a long time, well, an eternity for us BS's, but most people say it takes at least 6 mos after DDay for the A to really start to unravel and fall apart. Any ideas how things are going in La-La Land with WW and OM? You know they cant be all that great.<p>Keep Plan A-ing, let WW know you are the safe haven, you are the one who truly loves her. Don't force any issues concerning M, the A or a possible D. Focus on improving yourself and spending as much time with your daughter as you can. Time and patience are on your side, Max, hang in there, better days are coming.
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<<Any ideas how things are going in La-La Land with WW and OM? You know they cant be all that great>><p>I'm really not sure. She never brings it up, and I don't ask. When my wife and I talk, she talks like the OM doesn't exsist....even in the conversations we've had about our marriage. <p>The other night, she called me on my cell phone, asked me where I was. I told her i was "out".
She then said "oh, I'm not allowed to ask you that"?
I said it was ok to ask, but that I felt since we are separated, we are not accountable to each other for our whereabouts. She then asked me if I was seeing someone, I said no.
Thats the kind of stuff that really confuses me. If she didn't care about those things, she wouldn't ask. She says she loves me, but wants to pursue divorce. I just don't get it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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maximus,<p>Sorry I tried posting a reply last night, but my computer died on me. I didn't have the energy to fix it. So now I'm posting from the office.<p>I agree with LHS, don't give up! Let your WW talk about D all she wants. Remember that she's lost in the fog and not thinking rationally. Don't LB by trying to talk her out of it, of course don't encourage it either. Let her say whatever she wants. I know that it feels like a spear through the heart, but you can survive this. <p>It's good that you can spend time with your little girl. My WW and I don't have any children. I can only imagine what it's like to be a parent and be in this situation. I spend my time with my parents, and like you I'm spending working late, and working around my house. Anything to keep my mind off my WW. <p>Keep up the good work. Keep plan A'ing. The only thing I can tell you is that things might get worse before they get better. Don't despair though. Keep reading and keep posting. There are people out here who do care, and unfortunately they have experienced / are experiencing the same things that you and I are experiencing.<p>If you want to know what's been going on in my life recently you can read this<p>Gotta go for now. Keep posting so we can know how you are doing.<p>Feeling Lost

<<don't give up! Let your WW talk about D all she wants. Remember that she's lost in the fog and not thinking rationally. Don't LB by trying to talk her out of it, of course don't encourage it either. Let her say whatever she wants. I know that it feels like a spear through the heart, but you can survive this.>><p>Its really strange. My wife told me she wants to pursue a divorce. The very next day, she asked if we could get together to work on a song we had written a few months back. I want to be with her, but find it difficult at the same time because I know she's still seeing OM.
Its like she wants to divorce me, but she still wants me to be her best friend.
I've already told her that I won't file for divorce, thats up to her if thats what she wants.
Problem is that its very hard to Plan A because I havent seen her much. I'm as nice as I can be on the phone.....but most of our conversations are centered around our daughter.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> Its like she wants to divorce me, but she still wants me to be her best friend. <hr></blockquote>
Take this as proof that shes not thinking straight. My W was/is the same way. She told me the other day that she wants to work on us, but I haven't heard from her since. It's one hell of an emotional rollercoaster that we are on.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Problem is that its very hard to Plan A because I havent seen her much. <hr></blockquote>Sounds like you're on the right track with your Plan A. Just remember that Plan A isn't only about what you do when you are with /talking to your W. It's about you. You need to work on filling your W's EN's even if she isn't there. We all know what our S's biggest complaints are. Work on fixing those. Just like anything else with a little practice they become routine.
And don't forget to put in a little time for you. Go to the movies with your family or friends. Do things that will help boost your morale.
One last tip stay away from your single friends, or any friends that are divorced. Unless they are offering supporting advice (i.e. "Hang in there buddy") or better yet no advice, they have a tendancy to make things worse.
I say this from experience. One of my best buddies has been seperated for a few years now, and is just waiting for the D papers to go through. I was listening to him before I found MB. complete 180 on points of view. Suffice it to say that he thinks I'm nuts for going through this, but at least he respects my decsion and doesn't mention my situation anymore.

Sounds like my story.....But I guess you could call me in Plan B, now. Tried Plan A for a few months, but didn't even get off the ground with it.<p>See this for story:<p>Plan B and over in 5 minutes<p>The only issue that I am having is that she is staying with her parent's just a couple hundred yards or so....<p>I really don't want to leave here, cause the comfort of home really helps. (And my two cats)
But....there are going to be times when we "see" each other. But as long as there is no "face-to-face" contact, is Plan B achieveable?<p>HCII