I posted earlier today about a conversation H and I had about his A last night. We talked without LB'ing, but one statement sticks in my head. He asked me "Don't you ever wonder if there's more than one person out there for you to love?"<p>Well, yes, sometimes I do. I almost let a brief EA get the better of me several years ago. Ended it after 2-3 weeks, never told H until he told me about his EA/PA. So I am trying to remember how I felt then so that maybe I can understand him. <p>I think that maybe I could've gotten in deep in that EA if I hadn't made the CHOICE to get out. I think I was super-compatible with that person. I think I was very attracted to him. But I was married, so I didn't let that situation continue.<p>What does H want to gain if I acknowledge that yes, I wonder about there being more than one person for us out there? Does he think I intend to share him? I don't think so!

Its kind of like the "soulmate" question. My H asked me if I thought he was my soulmate - I had never thought about it. I have put some thought into this question and have come to the conclusion that our soulmate is who we choose it to be - I have chosen my H - I made the choice to get married and have children with this man and if I wanted to find bad in the relationship I'm sure I could but we make the choice of who we want to spend our lives with and I'm sure if I have to I will be able to find someone else to share my life with - and this person will be my new soulmate........

rdvpmm,<p>You sound so much stronger than me. At this point, I don't feel like I'll ever find anyone else or even want to. I think that if he leaves me, I'm done with men. <p>I do agree, though, that our "soulmate" is who we choose to be with. If I'd chosen to continue my brief EA, it would've most certainly become a PA, and then that person might be my current "soulmate."<p>The point being, I realized that I was married and that that mattered to me and I made a CHOICE to save my marriage. My H is acting as if he had no choice and it was all meant to happen and he couldn't have stopped it.

Let me tell you my experience:<p>When I found out of my WW affair one of the things she said to me was that the OM was her
"soulmate".
When she recovered from withdrawl, and I was crying my heart out she said to me: you're not the man i used to know at this moment,you alsways were my soulmate.
Sometimes when i think about what they say (WW) about the OM and myself I think I'm gonna die
laughing:they just turn everything around
It's like they have been fooling around with their feelings

I'm not strong at all... I actually cry everyday and wonder what the heck I'm going to do to make my H realize that he really does love me and wants our M to work. I have told people that if (and thats a big if) we end up divorced I will only re-marry for money, that love isnt worth all this pain! I have actually had the opportunity to have an A also and made the choice not too... I knew it could and would cause too much pain and that even if I didnt love my H as much as I should have at that point i knew that I didnt want to spend my life with anyone but him. This OM was telling me things I needed to hear and sure it was nice but we all make choice and unfortunatley our H's have made ones that have changed our lives forever. We may get them back and our Marriages may be stronger in the long run but either way we are changed forever - i will never trust as completely or openly again.... which is actually very sad [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

It's nice to talk about this to someone who understands how you feel, huh? My H doesn't understand that this is the worst thing that ever happened to me. <p>When we were talking yesterday, I told him that it's strange that I've always struggled against being like my mom. She had a PA/EA and left my dad and us kids to be with OW, to whom she's still married. I told my H that I ended the EA I started into because I loved him too much to inflict that kind of pain on him and I knew I wanted to stay married and I didn't want to be like my mother. I remember walking out of my bedroom in the middle of the nite when I was 14, and my dad would be sitting in the living room crying so hard he couldn't get up. Now I understand. So I told my H that I think it's ironic that after I've fought so hard to not be like my mother, now I get to be like my dad. It's not fair, and I almost wish I would've given in to temptation so H could feel the way I do. I know it wouldn't help. But it seems like they (WS's) don't feel as bad as we (BS's) do.

Dani -<p>I just think they cant see the pain they have caused us just yet but hopefully soon they will wake up and realize what they are losing.<p>I actually think I saw a glimpse of the sun from behind the fog last night....<p>My H made this very insensitive comment about how he that maybe I will be happier if he leaves. I just got really quite and was trying not to cry - about 10 minutes later he asked me what was wrong - I told him that if he wants out of this M that his choice but not to expect me to be ok with it right now - That I could understand him not be completely happy with his life and wanting to change something&#8217;s but I couldn&#8217;t at this point understand how he could want to throw our life together away. He actually apologized to me! Not once but 3 or 4 times! Then when we went to be he apologized again and told me that he hasn&#8217;t given up hope for us yet. I told him I know you haven&#8217;t or you wouldn&#8217;t still be here with me. We actually had great sex and he kissed me (which he hasn&#8217;t been doing).
I'm looking at this as a good thing but yet it makes me worry also that I might be getting my hopes up and this is just his way of letting me down...Not sure if I can take it again....

rdvpmm,<p>Hi...sounds like your night was a good one. I had a good one too. We went out for a little bit after work before we picked up our D. Had fun, came home and enjoyed the whole evening. He was nothing but nice/loving to me all night.<p>I'm like you in that I love it when he's like that, but I also worry about him trying to "let me down easy." So I hope that's not why he's being nice. I try not to get my hopes up anymore. I think it's easier to just take it one day at a time.

I try the one day a time thing but I worry about the future and cant just seem to live in the one day timeframe...Good days - bad days...the never ending rollercoaster - I just want off... My H made the comment recientely that I will never be able to forgive him and that I will never just let the A go. I told him that if he gave me 1/2 a chance to forgive than it would be possiable.. That if he just told me that he believed we could make it then I would be ok and take things as they happen. He leaves June 1 for 2 weeks for the Army Reserves and has told me that he is going to use this time to think about what he wants and will let me know when he gets back....