How much info about WS A do I need to know ? I know start and finish, does knowing more do any good.<p>I know the OP,

Tough one. <p>It's hard to get over something if you don't know what you're trying to get over. <p>The only thing is knowing will make it worse before it gets better. It will hurt, so be prepared. But you can't fight a battle without the proper intelligence.<p>It's been a long time since I found things out, and although I don't think about it nearly as much it still stings.

I am very new here, so I don't know how sound this advice is, but it's what I've decided to do. I know a lot of general things about the A (I know OP, I know when it started, I know how long it lasted, I know when and where most of the encounters happened). I have decided that getting into more specifics would just hurt more, so I don't want to know any more. I know he had an A, I know we're going to try to work it out, and that's what I need to know right now.<p>When I first found out, I wanted to know minute details about things they did, etc., etc. I'm glad that I didn't ask. Some people on this board gave me the good advice to not get so much into specifics, and I think they're much smarter than I gave them credit for at the time.<p>Hope this helps a little.

Thank you both for your comments. I will stay away from details. I think, or feel I know enough, and want to move on, and continue the recovery process.

I am one of the ones that needed to know everything in great disgusting detail. I thought it would help me in my recovery...boy was I ever wrong. It did nothing but add to my misery. I should have listened to the advice I was given here and not pushed for stuff that was just to hard to handle...but then again...would I have always wondered? total catch 22 situation

I think it is an individual thing, and I think you will know how much you need to know. I need to know everything, every single thing he knows. First of all, because it is a respect issue for me--all that deception has to be as undone as it can be in order for me to feel safe. As long as he's hiding something, I don't feel safe and protected.<p>Secondly, this was my life he was playing with. He gave me an STD, and the jury is still out on HIV--I understand you have to keep testing for 10 years before you know whether you're in the clear or not. Because of the oneflesh covenant of M, he took MY flesh out there and did whatever he wished with it, heedless of my safety. In order to process my own life and where it has been, I need to know where my flesh has been and what happened to it.<p>Lastly, for me, if I don't know everything about my H that he knows about himself, then that will be a hindrance to intimacy, and if I can't have intimacy, then all this work is for naught since that's why I'm in a M in the first place.<p>You need to tune in to what YOU need. I imagine if it is not being met, it will nag at you, and then you'll know how much you need to know. Someone here told me that your questions need to be answered until you have no more questions.