This may take me more than one attempt to ask the question I am wondering about. What I want to know, ladies, is why or what leads a woman to fall in love?
Is it for characteristics and qualities she ADMIRES in the man?
Is it because the man (uncocsciously to her) meets significant emotional/psychological needs that she has?<p>Could she "fall in love" with me because of who I was and how that was going to affect what she thought about herself? If her past caused her much shame and regret, could she "fall in love" with me because marrying someone who was a virgin and going into the ministry would allow her to see herself as the kind of person she desperately wants to be? Could she love me because being my girl friend or wife allows her to be the kind of person she desperately wants to believe she is? <p>
Do you understand my question? I am not sure I do, but I am working on it. thanks.

I wonder this because of my relationship with my wife. I wonder why she "fell in love" with me. What was it about? I mean, this kind of question you can't just come out and ask, because, we don't really usually know the internal motives behind decisions like this.<p> I wonder why she loved me. Was it because of what? Some needs that she had that she thought I could meet? Whats up with love ladies?

See you started with an easy question … lol<p>I’d venture to say that she fell in love for all of those reasons. You met her needs, she liked who she was with you, and she admired you. While it seems a deep questions, I think it’s pretty straightforward.<p>I do believe that the first two have to be there for love to start to grow, flourish and remain constant. If she only admired you, she would not have fallen in love with you.<p>I also think it’s fair to turn the question around.. Why did you fall in love with her?<p>I once heard an MD advise his students… ‘When you hear hoof beats, don’t look for zebras.”<p>Oh what does that mean? Don’t look too hard for he exotic or hard to find diagnosis first. It’s most often the something simple and common. The advice applies to just about everything in life.

I think we fall in love with someone because of how we feel about ourselves when we are with that person.<p>She could have felt more admirable because you wanted to be with her and she could see that you have admirable qualities.<p>She could have enjoyed the feeling she had with you, that your "goodness" helped her feel good, too, and less ashamed, that she could be her best self when she was with you.<p>The problem is that when there is anything like putting someone on a pedestal, like if she felt your pureness and wholesomeness would somehow make up for any lack she found in herself, then anything you do to fall off that pedestal (which will ALWAYS happen) will damage her reflected sense of self.<p>It's hard to really know what happens inside a person, but I think my first paragraph above sums it up best.<p>[ May 14, 2002: Message edited by: Conqueror ]</p>

My philosophy is similar with C's. I believe we fall in love with the person who brings out the qualities we like the best in ourselves. The person who supports us in being our ideal selves. I think that is one aspect of infatuation; we're intoxicated with ourselves and the feelings we have when we're with the person we love. CSue