WH moved out to live with OW 4 weeks ago and now says he is sure he wants to come home. We have been talking about this for 2 weeks. I gave him space and did not pursue or talk unless he wanted to. He says he realizes I was right fantasy would burst after living together. Living with her is not great like he thought it would be.
He says he loves and misses us and the life we shared together. I want to take it slow and easy. He has agreed to following MB principles and wants to build stronger Marriage. I suggested finding a place of his own for awhile but I don't think any of us really want that. (especially our dd)
I asked him how he would handle withdrawl since last time he tried to break it off with her he couldn't stay away. He says it would be different this time since he knows now it would not work with her and there are no what if's anymore. Wouldn't he still suffer withdrawl?
Any advice welcome. By the way I gave him Truehearts letter to WS which he read and says really hit home and made sense. I want to be patient but I want him home so much also.

Make sure you two POJA a "no contact" letter.<p>Also make sure he is enthusiastically agreeing to allow you all access to all passwords/codes to check his voice mail/cell phone/internet account. Tell him you are not spying you are trying to catch him doing something right and rebuild trust. Make sure he is willing to help you recover and that it can take 5 years. Make sure he has a clear picture of reality. I told my H just this week that I don't bring up A to discourage him but rather to get reassurance from him (it doesn't come up often anymore - but to have a willingness to communicate it means that healing has taken place).<p>Just because he realizes it won't work with her does not mean his underlying issues have been addressed as far as what caused him to stray. He sees the true colors of OW now - great. BUT he needs to recognize the tricks that got him where he is - no more lunches alone with women. No more women friends - if he emails anyone he should cc: you. There is NO such thing as harmless flirting. etc...etc...etc...<p>and Good luck! For me the first 3 weeks of recovery were great! then followed by 6 months of HE!!/doubt. But now I can honestly my marriage is in beautiful recovery! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] . I just want you to have a realistic picture of what to expect. Hang in there.

Thank you for the suggestions. We both need to realize it will be a long hard road. I think the reasons for the A had to do with unmet needs and lack of communication on both parts. Since finding MB I have hope for a good chance of recovery. Did your husband go through a long period of withdrawl? I am so concerned about that right now. Any suggestions on how to handle it well?

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by I LuvNprotect ME:
<strong>Make sure you two POJA a "no contact" letter.<p>Also make sure he is enthusiastically agreeing to allow you all access to all passwords/codes to check his voice mail/cell phone/internet account. Tell him you are not spying you are trying to catch him doing something right and rebuild trust. Make sure he is willing to help you recover and that it can take 5 years. Make sure he has a clear picture of reality. </strong><hr></blockquote><p>Great suggestions. My H was ina and out afew times before the final time he came home. That was extremely hard on me. Each time he left again (even though he was still saying "I'm not sure") it was devastating all over again. The final time he came home I made it very clear that I could NOT go through that again and the revoloving door was no longer operational. He had to be SURE about his decision.