Hi all,<p>It has been ages since I have written and many of you probably do not know my story. Just a quick recap- H and I have been separated since last June. We had an attempt at reconciliation (it was wonderful btw- he just freaked out once I found out about his EA/PA (I think it was on hold when we got back together) and could no longer be with me). <p>I discovered MB in Nov. of last year and went right into Plan B (wrong approach!). In Dec. I realized I couldn't handle having no contact with H and I certainly had not done a long enough Plan A. So, I read and read some more and reinstituted my Plan A. <p>I did a fairly good job (I have been coaching with Lostva) but lost it a few times. All of these LB's set us back, that is for sure. <p>I am pretty sure H is no longer seeing OW and hasn't been since March. I still get his bank statement in the mail and he is no longer spending his weekends in her city. However, he does still work with her. <p>Things had started to really progress with us- he started calling, stopping by randomly, took me to dinner, etc.... It was great and I thought we were headed somewhere. <p>Two weeks ago he stopped by my house (my sister moved into my basement so I could afford my mortgage) and I wasn't home (it was unexpected). He noticed she was home and went into the house to say hello. They talked for the first time in about 6 months and I thought this was huge.<p>But..... ever since then (over two weeks ago) he will not talk to me, meet with me, e-mail me, etc... He has taken such steps back and I am completely at a loss. He is acting like I don't exist. <p>I am proud of myself in some ways- I am handling this better than before. I am actually living. But, I still get upset and cannot understand how he could just write me off like he has.<p>To be honest, I am reaching the end of the rope (I don't want to do a Plan B- I know my husband and realize that this will push him away!). I am finally coming to terms with the fact that we may not be together- it makes me really sad, but I have done all that I can do. <p>Yes, I have LB'd. But I have also been very supportive and welcoming. I think I may have gotten a little to excited when he stopped by (did I mention he also called my best friend). But, I have backed off recently and given him the space he obviously wants.<p>Does anyone have any suggestions or explanations (especially any FWS). I need some understanding, etc... If he is not with OW (and I am pretty sure he is not) then why is he acting like this.<p>Thanks everybody.

Advice Seeker<p>I cannot offer you any advice. However, I do have a question. Have you talked to your sister and your best friend about their conversations with your H? Maybe they have some insight as to why he is acting the way he is.<p>Regretting

I wanted to ask you the same question that Regretting did. Seems from your story, that talking to your sister and friend are the only events that occurred that could explain the change in his behavior?<p>I have another question: If you're are reaching the end of your rope, and you're afraid Plan B will push him away, then what else can you do? What is there to lose by going to Plan B? IOW... if you can't Plan A any longer (is that what you're saying?), then what else can you do? <p>I'm assuming you've tried to contact him the last 2 weeks, and he's not responding.... <p>Honestly, my suggestions are to see if sister and friend can tell you more about their conversations with him, and then depending on the results of that, give this a little more time (it's only been 2 weeks). Could it be that sister and/or friend told him to get lost?

Thanks for responding Regretting and Faith1. Unfortunately, the conversation with my sister, although awkward at first, was great. She even invited him to her wedding (to which he replied, "you know I cannot do that.") <p>My friend invited him out with us for drinks on Cinco De Mayo- they were both very welcoming and warm to H. <p>I think it has more to do with him freaking out because he allowed himself to let his guard down. He started to come around, freaked out, and ran.... Unfortunately, I am beginning to think that I married someone who is unable to swallow his pride and face my friends/family again. I have alot of close friends and a very close family (who would all support him if he wanted to come back- they want the best for me). I just don't think my H is 'man' enough at this time. It really is easier to throw in the towel and walk away. But, everytime we see each other the feelings are very much there for BOTH OF US- he wouldn't deny it. Plus, to the best of my ability I have been trying to 'undo' any damage I have done to H's reputation (in the beginning I told alot of people about A). <p>I just don't understand the pulling away.... it is really hard to deal with yet again. <p>Oh yeah, I sent H a few e-mails to which he did respond, but they were cold, distant and short. So, I am not trying to directly contact him anymore (I send him a 'fun' card every other week and will e-mail him a non-response needed e-mail next week).<p>Next Monday is my birthday and I am very curious to see if he even acknowledges it. In some ways I hope he doesn't- it will help moving on be that much easier. <p>In June we will not have lived together for a year. UGGGGG!!!!!<p>I guess I am not really ready for Plan B, but am finally distancing myself from any thoughts of a future for the two of us. I want it so bad, but am really focusing on me now. As you all know, somedays are better than others. Today is hard....

Just wanted to vent a bit more, hope you all don't mind [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] <p>H finally wrote me- this was his message, "that is good stuff [referring to a joke I forwarded to him]. listen, I was going to email you tdy to say happy b-day. I know im early but I didn't know if you were working on your b-day and your server hasn't been the greatest lately. well, have a great day, especially on Monday."<p>His writing things like this just confuses me even more. I want to let go, move on. Just when I start to distance myself emotionally, I receive this message. He is a huge date man, so I knew that he would remember my b-day. UGGGGG..... <p>Why is he pushing me so far away?

advice seeker,<p>Being a FWS, I can see that he may be having trouble finding his way back to you. It's very emtionally draining giving up the OP. And can take a long time to be able to move on. While the indications are there that he wants to be able to come back to you, for some reason he doesn't feel safe in doing so. at least not yet.<p>He sounded like he responded well to your joke cards, so send more of those to him. or as much as you can emotionally handle. It's hard to tell you what he will do next. So move forward with your life as best you can, but be open to little things he may do. Just be good to yourself first. He will either want to be a part of what he sees or he will continue to let his pride prevent him from admitting he was wrong and starting over. I'm hoping that he can come to terms within himself of what happened, being willing to admit it was wrong, but also for him to be able to come back to you.
For me, my H didn't tell very many people, only his very closest friends. His parents never knew because they couldn't have handled it. They would never have been able to treat me the same way again, so they never knew anything except we were going thru a rough period. Your WH has to overcome the hurdles of what others know and think, but if he loves you enough and wants to make your marriage work, he can do that. Step back and give him time to realize that, now that the A is totally over.<p>I'm not sure how much help this is, but my prayers are with you. If you have any questions you think I might be able to give you an insight in, please feel free to ask them.<p>Debbie

Debbie, thank you so much for your reply. It was extremely helpful and explained what could be going on in my H's head. This whole process is so frustrating!!!!<p>If you really don't mind, I do have a couple of questions for you. Did you and your H ever separate? What made you begin to believe that the changes he made within himself were real and trustworthy? Do you have kids? If so, was this a major factor in your reconciliation (H and I have no kids- I know this is a blessing, but it also makes it easier for him to just walk away....) How long after the A ended did you begin to realize that you wanted to work on your marriage. Was your A with a co-worker? If yes, did you continue to work with this person? Finally, you indicated that your H told only a few close friends- are you still friends with those people and, if so, did they welcome you back with open arms??<p>Thanks so much for taking the time to discuss this with me Debbie. Hearing others discuss their situations (and I know they are all a bit different) makes things easier to swallow. Especially when they have a happy ending.....