Hi SC (and anyone else who wants to say Hi,
I wanted to tell you that I've had more discussions with my H about my EA. I told him how and when it ended. He was great about it. He was disappointed that I wasn't able to end it, but at the same time, he's glad it's over. He told me he was worried it might happen again, and I told him more about MB and the concepts. He could relate to the bank account concept and all weekend long, we'd tease each other about deposits and withdrawals...we've made alot of progress.<p>Thank for everything!
AS

ashirley:<p>Great news!!! I'm glad to hear things are progressing between you two. <p>I've had a couple of upsets lately, and posted a new thread on GQII about it this morning. I guess I just feel weird right now. Kind of detached, I guess. Anyway, Just Learning, SC and a couple others have helped me at least level off a bit.<p>Good to hear from you!

Hey there!
Glad to see you're back...that's great news!<p>I knew he'd be understanding...I'm so glad. Good for you AS!

Hi 2long,
I'm sorry to hear that you and your W are having such a rough time. An 11 yr. EA, has got to take on a whole different life of itself, and perhaps breaks all logical rules.
Has you W ever come to this site? Is there anyway you could get her here? BC if she were to come, so many of us WS's would commesorate with her and help her be strong, make her aware of why she has to have no contact, etc. This site has been so helpful to me and so many others. I, for one, would love to "chat" with you W. She sounds like an interesting, wonderful, but a bit stubborn, person. Let me know if there's anyway, even off line she'd like to chat with another WS.
Take care,
AS

Hi SC,
I'm also sorry to hear that you don't seem to be making as much headway with your wife. You seem to be doing all the right things. I suppose this thing, ie EA, will run its course. It seems like I've seen at this site, that 2 years seems to be the amount of time it seems to take these EAs to run their course...what is you feeling about that?
Hang in there,
AS

ashirley:<p>I don't think my W would be interested in this site. Not now, at least. She thinks our C sessions are a waste of time while she's trying to finish off her current project at work. I didn't realize until our last MC visit, that we've got a limited number of "free" visits at Kaiser. We've had 5 now, with another "chip" burned by her being late last time so that we had to take a cancellation slot the next hour. We've gotten pretty much nowhere since the first visit. We always end up talking about "no contact" and why my W can't let go of OM, then MC asks my W to talk about this at her IC sessions. But all I hear from my W and at MC sessions is that her IC keeps asking her stuff like "if your H is this bad, why didn't you leave a long time ago?" So we're stuck.<p>Then, I have my IC session this morning - the one that believes in "measured honesty." I'm not sure where we'll go this time, but I'm inclined to stop seeing him, for a while at least, because his sessions cost the most money and I don't see the point of seeing someone that believes so differently about honesty from myself, even if he's "willing to work" within my belief systems. I may contact one of the Harleys at some point, but they're more than 2wice as expensive as my IC, so I may wait until my W's report is done to see if we can truly start a recovery with a good C. <p>My W knows I post here, but has never asked to see what I'm posting. I have occasionally told her about threads I've participated in that are relevant, because that seems to be okay, it's not "educating" her. She won't read the books, doesn't believe any of the observations that we all behave in remarkably predictable ways, and so I'm stuck there, too.<p>We're getting along okay, but I'm losing interest. I feel insulted every time she insists on handling emails from OM herself, when her coworker could do it (and more efficiently, because she's in the office every day, whereas my W is not). So, I've been doing things to help the report along, and I point this out to her - that I DO this to help her AND to help hasten the end of the need for contact with OM. <p>And, except for that one day with fleeting hints of remorse when she realized she'd never broken up with anybody before, things have been pretty much the same between us. <p>I will try to find out if she'd correspond with any other WSs about their experiences. I hope she will eventually, but I don't think she would now. Thank you very much for the offer.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by ashirley:
<strong>Hi SC,
I'm also sorry to hear that you don't seem to be making as much headway with your wife. You seem to be doing all the right things. I suppose this thing, ie EA, will run its course. It seems like I've seen at this site, that 2 years seems to be the amount of time it seems to take these EAs to run their course...what is you feeling about that?
Hang in there,
AS</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Well, I'm willing to try Steve's plan. I trust he knows what he's doing, and I'm willing to try.<p>It's going to take a lot of re-adjustment for me, and I'm having some trouble with that part, but I'll manage. Every day has been getting better as I get used to the idea.<p>If it DOES last 2 years I doubt I'll be around. I feel like if in 2-3-4 months she doesn't end it, and begin to show signs of progress (remorse, something), I won't be able to continue to Plan A...we'll see.<p>Thanks for being here!

2 long,
I hope your session goes well. I hope you will ask your W about emailing other WS's. I know that one of the emotional needs that my OM filled was that ability to put on paper the feelings that I was having at the moment. Kind of the yearning feelings of not being able to have what I wanted, but being able to verbalize it. He was so responsive to my emails. I'd hear back from him in a very satisfactory time frame, and it made me feel really good. My H, on the other hand, might not respond to an email that I sent him that didn't need to have a response, or it might take him days to respond. I have shared a few emails with a couple of posters, and our mail exchanges definately have filled an emotional need that I had, that my OM was filling, and that my H couldn't. (He works too hard, is in meetings and away from his desk, so he really doesn't have time during the work day to give me much attention.) For what it's worth.