Brief update - Formerly Exploding-- Separated since Jan 02. D-day #1 Oct. 2000 - #2 July 2001 - Counselor suggested writing a goodbye letter & 3 days later WH said he called & discussed SAA book, OW bought His needs & Her needs & agreed no contact ever & to work own their marriages. I had read enough to believe when I saw action, so still Plan A.<p>We were enjoying each others company, however I didn't mention WH moving back in, even though WH kept mention about the inconvience it was driving back at night & back to attend the end of school activities. WH was not meeting many of may needs, but expected to just waltz in the house & nap or be entertained by son-16 or myself. <p>This last week there was an event every night, no LB because I didn't even mention A, & tried to be supportive. Finally Sat. I mentioned something about needing to talk about rebuilding our M & refer to SAA. WH got very angry and said something about the ****ing book, & yet 3 weeks ago WH totaly agreed with how WS's feel & the expectations. Monday he finally received some $$$ from our investments. A check to pay off D's car loan & so WH could by his small house instead of paying rent in the other town.<p>Anyway, Tues we finally did talk - no distractions. WH admitted to sending an e-mail to OW about his great report from his boss at work. OW called WH at work & as WH said told him off about not contacting each other. I said I could tell he was having problems again. "Calmly". WH always have said good things about me being a good mom, but nothing the last three years at mother's day. He acknowledged to not helping much around the house, & yet expecting everything clean. Talk about SF being good, & not a problem.<p>I really worked on listening & restating what I thought WH was telling me - without commenting agreement or disagreement.<p>After discussing his fence sitting again - WH brings out this list:<p>1. To be desired, not just be given into - (We discussed the fact my C suggested co-dependacy on my part. & WH thought it was me giving him things.) <p>2. Go dancing & movies (Would love to, but it is a 2 hour drive to see a movie). (Had young kids plus heavy work responsibilies for a while).
WH wants to just dance in the living room - ya know I need good vibrations to live it up.<p>3. Be at my side at functions & proud to be there. (He was gone 3-4 time each week night).
4. Entertain
5. Share our dearms with each other.
6. Travel
7. LOVE to ----!
8. Yard work
9. Keep a clean & organized house.
10. Camp
11. Be romantic
12 Trust & WH said he didn't deserve.
13. Touch<p>WH said I do great with travel, yard work & being fun with camping. WH said he could only imagine that I would have a list just as long.
He needed to be driving back & left.<p>Talked later that night on the phone & I told him that right now there would be nothing that I could do to make him happy, it had to come from within himself. He is not going to IC. I asked what he was trying to gain by sending a glowing work performance to OW.<p>I probably LB this afternoon, when I email him about phone counseling & gave him the phone #.
H did call this eve, but tone was sooo indifferent. I will be sooo glad when work is over for the summer, other than a workshop once per month. This is the lightest work load I have had in ten years, otherwise I probably would have been still exploding if not for this site & praying. <p>WH is lost without that "loving feeling" - fog talk?? I did print off VIP... no contract ..the conditions, I want to read it with more time to reflect. This is just my vent for now, but seeking guidence. <p>Hating being a part of this summer triangle. VEGA
