I understood plan A only to be applicable if he was still in the house. I seems that some people use it after separation too. H will be moving soon. I need to know how to handle him. He is very involved with the kids so I would imagine at first, he'll be around a lot.

RN<p>I think you will find many of the members here to respond that the bulk of plan A is for YOU...<p>That is, work on your issues and what will make you a better person overall. You can still try to meet your spouse's ENs if that is possible (even if you are separated) but the idea is to make you the best that you can be so that no matter what happens---YOU will be OK.<p>As you improve, your spouse is bound to notice the difference. Whether that makes a difference to them is another question but you will be better for it.<p>I am sure others here will expand on this.<p>good luck <p>E

Good answer from Elad!!!<p>I'll add a few thoughts here.<p>I did plan A in separation, because H moved out right away. It's more difficult in many ways, because you don't have much oppurtunity to meet their EN's, or oppurtunity to demonstrate any changes you've made in yourself. You're sort of "on the spot" when you have your few chances to communicate, so make those times really count!!! BUT, it's easier in many ways, because THEIR bad behavior is not in your face every day (lying, phone calls to OP, computer activity, anger, etc). It can also be easier because your oppurtunities for LB's are fewer. <p>Yes, Plan A is designed mainly for use while the WS is still living with you, but you need a good Plan A before you can move to Plan B effectively.<p>Good luck!<p>[ May 16, 2002: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</p>

RN,
Also, if you do separate, but he comes over to see the kids, if the time is pleasant (no lovebusters) he may realize he misses his family, being there with you.<p>There will be times he misses some really great spontaneous stuff. And, sometimes, the WS chooses to miss events or you can't alert him to schedule changes because he's not where you can reach him. <p>You would be amazed how quickly "inside" family jokes develop and how out-of-the-loop a WS can feel. The OW rarely provides the same thing wife and family do.<p>Like Faith says, if the A is continuing, separation can decrease the household tension. When the WS comes over, he intends to be there, and I found that interaction was actually more concentrated than when my H was still in the A but living at home and avoiding me. It's easier to be non lovebusting for a few minutes on the phone or a couple hours in person that it is for an entire evening/night/morning.<p>And as Elad posts, since my Plan A was in great amount about me, and changing some of my behaviors, my H would notice changes. I also could plan to look good, something that can slide with constant contact. He did wonder if my changes would be permanent. A lot of them have become permanent because I think more about what I do and why.

I have done Plan A for most of the time since H left a year ago and only now beginning to look at possibly doing a plan B> It has made me a bettter person, H is changing towards me and I hope the fog will lift. Jante.