<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>MrFlorida:<strong>
I won't doubt for a minute that the fog will resettle within the hour and we are back to square one......
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>That is an excellent attitude to take because unfortunately it is most of the time true. This is what's called the emotional rollercoaster that the BS endures when dealing with a waffling WS. One of the best ways to endure it is to not get ones hopes up too high and be disappointed when they are dashed by the reality of a foggy WS. The old saying actions speak louder than words is very true in this situation.<p>Even if she changes her mind and decides to stay with OM for a while longer, she is starting to realize that the grass is not always greener on the other side.<p>Joe<p>[ May 24, 2002: Message edited by: TooMuchCoffeeMan ]</p>

Thanks for the reply Joe

Saturday morning update. Well the fog..... there is none. YET. I booked my flight to Houston last night and I leave in 6 hours unless the fog drops again. I would not bet against it. Talked to WS after last update last night and she is still coming home. I asked her if it was for the right reasons.... she said no. That hurt, but after thinking about it I know that many others here have posted that take what a WS says with a grain of salt. If she was totally happy and having the desire to return, she would not.<p>Comments......<p>
Mr. Florida [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

ditto Joe<p>Exactly why are YOU flying to Houston? I fear you'll show up and you'll be terribly disappointed - but, I guess this can be viewed as the ultimate Plan A behavior since you are still early in the game. Ideally, she would be telling you she's coming home and you'd just have to wait.<p>So go, but if it turns out different than you hope, get out of there if you regress to LB'ing.<p>Good luck,
WAT

Thank you WAT. I am going to talk to her this morning again. I want to really make sure that this is what she wants and is willing to work on us. If so, I will go. Houston is 1,300 + miles and I know she can drive herself, but I really don't want her to drive that far alone. Yes she did it getting out there.<p>If I get out there and end up disappointed when I arrive... it will hurt to say the least. But after what I have been thru, I can deal with it. I am going to call it I guess the ultimate Plan A behavior as you said WAT. <p>If she really cannot assure me on the phone that she is wanting to work on us, I am not to sure that I would go. It won't work if she is not willing, that I know and I will gently tell her that. I don't mind going, I will do anything for her and us. I just need some reassurances.<p>Mr. Florida [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

She also did offer to leave and have me wait for her. I am the one that volunteered to fly out there.... forgot to put that in ;-)<p>Mr. Florida [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

OK, then I think you're making the right offer. If she drives herself home, that long stretch on I-10 offers too much of an opportunity for her to change her mind and turn around.<p>If you pull this off, you'll have a captive audience to demonstrate your Plan A improvements. But I worry that you'll try too hard. Pressing too much will be a LB. Try to remember, sometimes less is more. Cultivate communication, don't force it.<p>Good luck,
WAT

Thanks for the reply WAT. I am going to spend my day developing a plan and I also have a couple of Dr. Harleys books that I am bringing along to read. I have read and read them... but I still need to read and learn more.... I know one thing for certain..... I am going to go slow and easy and be gentle and loving. <p>Mr. Florida [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

MrFlorida you haven't mentioned lately but how are you dealing with your OCD?<p>Joe

Hi Joe. The past two days have been very good. Wed and Thursday were bad OCD days. Even with the paxil (meds) somedays are better than others. I look forward to this Wednesday... I go to my OCD Support Group meeting ;-) It is a daily challenge and at least now, I know that it will come and go.... that I must take the meds daily and that I have to separate myself from my OCD and know bad days will be there and so will good days.<p>Everyone in the group has the same experiences as I do.... some have more issues and some have less. But it sure is a great help to talk to them all and know that I am not alone in dealing with it.<p>Mr. Florida [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi Mr F, just caught up with your post. You have been on the rollercoaster!!<p>I think Faith was right re the letters. You've told her how you feel, don't overdo it. Truly it does make the Alien abductees run for the mothership.<p>All she is saying is fogese, its classic. Its hurtful, but its all bull****, so don't believe a word of it. As toomcoffeem said 'actions speak louder than words'.<p>Try to hang back a bit on the dialogue, let her speak and listen hard. You will learn a lot about her and the reasons she's carrying on the way she is. Then you know what to fix in yourself.<p>Hey, you own a Harley? Cool, I'm getting my rider's learners permit this weekend!! So far I've only dropped the bike twice (the instructor did NOT look impressed!!) <p>Do you belong to a Harley club??????<p>Catch ya! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

update, MrF?<p>Hoping your flight to and from Houston was safe, and you have your W back in Florida again.

Update.... I am TIRED! Just got in from a 20 hour drive straight. Not FUN! Well, really quick. Let's see.... OM has issues with former girlfriend that he lived with for five years... and not told her in two months about WS. Why ? hmmmmmm....... anyway, OM asked WS to leave until he can tell her. Said it should be done by end of summer! B Sh**.... ;-) Sorry. Anway, WS said she is going to return once that is cleared up. So all the way back, I did major Plan A.... totally BIG TIME.... was very nice and hugs etc..... held her hand. Then we talked etc. She told me that her life was up in the air etc over this and she was going to wait to see what he does.<p>I told her that is her option surely and she can do as she pleases. However, this is also having a very big impact on my life and I am not willing to wait to see IF he tells this woman within 90 days..... He has not yet in over two months!!!!!!!!!<p>So.... I told her that I would do what I had to do etc.... <p>More later...<p>Bed time<p>Mr. Florida [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

any news Mr F?

Sorry for the delays in updating yall. Ok, as in my last update. The WS told me on the way home that she fully intended to return. OM told her to leave until he was able to tell a former woman who he lived with for five years about my WS.... he is apparently VERY good friends with her.... uh huh.... Who knows. Anyway, WS told me she tried to contact me before I flew out to tell me not to come. I had already left. Upon return home, we talked and I may have pressed her a bit too hard etc. Nothing too bad, I assure you. I am still in major Plan A. Yesterday, I made a suggestion to her that she just go ahead and return to the OM within a day or two until she found whatever answes she was searching for. I told her that since she could have stayed according to OM, that surely she would be welcome back. Apparently not. He told her he needed time to tell this old flame and that when the deed was done, he would feel okay about her returning. After that, we talked again. He told her he needed three months and that by the end of the summer, she could go back again. I replied that if she was willing to let the situation continue that I understood. However, I was not willing to be controlled by the OM. She did agree that it was not fair at all and said 3 months was out of the question. Finally today, she told him that he had two weeks, until the 11th of June to do the deed if you will. If he fails to do that by the 11th.... it is a done A. I have a hard time believing that. However, for the first time in two months today, she talked to OM twice for merely minutes, missed several calls on purpose and did not log online to chat at all. I was shocked to say the least. I told her that I would do what I could and reassured her that I loved her and told her I understood that she had alot on her mind.<p>The saga continues......<p>Mr. Florida<p>Suggestions, comments ?

Forgot to mention another thing that shocked me a bit. May not mean much, but we actually also discussed taking a MUCH needed extended vacation IF indeed he did not live up to his end of the bargain and also discussed other future plans. Who knows, just something that surprised me. It may all change on June 11th if he has not done the deed. Apparently between this old flame and my WS, there was someone else who the OM also kept a total secret from this flame. He apparently has some unwritten rule about no dating others with her. Sounds a bit odd to me to say the very least. I had mentioned it in my original posting that he had a photo of the old flame in his wallet and that he talks to her 5 or 6 times a day, daily. WS was on the phone with OM yesterday and told him that it should not take any more than 10 minutes for him to tell her. SImple she said, I heard it myself......<p>I am really curious as to what anyone thinks of this one......<p>Thanks!<p>Mr. Florida [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]

Forgot to mention another thing that shocked me a bit. May not mean much, but we actually also discussed taking a MUCH needed extended vacation IF indeed he did not live up to his end of the bargain and also discussed other future plans. Who knows, just something that surprised me. It may all change on June 11th if he has not done the deed. Apparently between this old flame and my WS, there was someone else who the OM also kept a total secret from this flame. He apparently has some unwritten rule about no dating others with her. Sounds a bit odd to me to say the very least. I had mentioned it in my original posting that he had a photo of the old flame in his wallet and that he talks to her 5 or 6 times a day, daily. WS was on the phone with OM yesterday and told him that it should not take any more than 10 minutes for him to tell her. SImple she said, I heard it myself......<p>I am really curious as to what anyone thinks of this one......<p>Thanks!<p>Mr. Florida [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi Mr F, I'm glad you had some nice time with your wife. Re your vacation, if I were you, I'd book it whether she says she going or not. Show her your going to get on with your life no matter what she does.<p>Be wary, WS are excellent at stalling proceedings and promising the world. I hope she follows though with what she says, but just be ready if she dosen't. Broken promises hurt a lot especially if you count on them (believe me, I know [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] ) so you need to be ready with an alternate plan should she do this. For example, my H says he's coming out on a particular weekend. I agree, but i have some other plan ready in case he cancels, that way it will help take my mind off the hurt.<p>Honestly Mr F this experience is all about us learning to cope with disappointment, letting go and surviving. Then we try to better ourselves for our WS' but mainly for ourselves. In the end, we are the only person we can rely on.<p>BTW, OM is LBing her big time by bringing ex girlfriend. I mean, who is this guy? Wow! Also, telling her you will not be controlled by OM is spot on - a good boundary to set - good on you!<p>One suggestion though, instead of saying 'go back to OM', ask her what she wants to do, don't lead her back to him, don't put ideas in her head, otherwise she may turn around and say you told her too!! WS can re-write history and have short memories with reference to how wonderful your marriage was, but they have excellent memories when it suits them. Remember, listen, listen, listen to what she says. Say little, because sometimes they turn it against you, even though you mean well. Saying that its her choice though, that's good, as it puts the ball back in her court.<p>Go Mr F! Hey, have you had the 'smile-dial' going on that Harley lately? [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ May 29, 2002: Message edited by: Seahorse ]</p>

Hey Seahorse, yes the dial is going on the Harley bigtime! We talked again etc and I agreed not to bring it up at all and I won't. It will be her decision etc indeed and forgot to mention one thing I was told and that was that if she had stayed longer initially, that she honestly felt she would have left on her own. She told me they ran out of things to talk about lol..... And LBing he IS BIGTIME. He made my WS leave because he had to do this on his own WITHOUT HER! Would not have been MY choice lol...... they have had some headted discussions as well mind you. I am indeed prepared at this stage for disappointments etc and she is here with me and we are doing things together etc, which provides me with the opportunity to Plan A my [censored] off lol. And that is JUST what I am doing. Wonder if I will have any ([censored]) left lol!<p>Thanks!<p>Mr. Florida [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Ok..... what a way to start your day. I read the local paper th is morning and just passed thru the horoscope portion of the paper for the fun of it. My horoscope read: Today is a 7. It's over. Love wins again. I said ok, yeah right. <p>Well it IS OVER. More later have to be with WIFE [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]