I've found a couple suspicious emails, and they are the first solid proof that her mind is not in the right place. She's talking about "glad she could spend half a day" with this OM, who's a contractor helping her to fix up her new house (she's moving out by month's end), and that he is "sweet and nice". She also mentioned about playing "kissy, kissy" with him and removing paint from each other's faces. I have been suspicious of her having an affair, and my gut feeling is growing stronger. She's been talking more and more about this guy to me, and I thought at first that he was just a friend. Now I think he's taking my wife away from me.<p>She'll be at the new house working alone tonight, while I'm at home preparing for a trip out of town. I have a buddy watching her under surveilance tonight to see if this OM shows up and if any hanky-panky is going on. <p>Are there any other things that I can do, short of hiring a PI, to see if she's crossed the line with the OM?

Hi Nasakid,<p>Welcome to MB .... although I'm very sorry for the cirsumstance which brings you here.<p>I just wanted to make sure you're warned about what you may discover. Suspecting an A is one thing, to be presented with hard evidence is entirely another.<p>When your friend comes back with his findings from surveilance of the house, please prepare yourself, and make sure someone who cares about you is with you ... you should not be alone, okay?<p>God Bless ....<p>Lv,
Jo

I just discovered the emails this morning, and when I read the "kissy, kissy" part, my heart almost jumped out of my chest, and my veins in my head almost exploded. I was literally shaking. I got that out of my system, and I just want to know the truth. I have asked her to her face twice if she's having an A, and she said no both times. The email would suggest that she is at least having an EA, which I would give her plenty of space and time to sort out, but a PA will be the nail in the coffin for our marriage. I've been trusting and loving to her since she told me that she's leaving. If she can't be honest with me about the OM, then I don't want to waste a year of my time trying to save the unsavable.

nasakid,<p>You can check her cellphone bill to see if there are calls and you can also tap the phone in your house with radio shack equipment. I would also strongly underscore what Resilient said, be prepared for what you might hear, because it could be very painful. To me, it is more painful to suspect and not know, but to many it is very hard to know the details. <p>One more thing. Since you have pretty strong evidence of an affair, why do you need more? Playing kissy kissy and spending the afternoon with someone IS an affair.

Ditto on what Jo said. The cold hard facts aren't as easy to deal with as the supposition. Be prepared for the worst and hope and pray for the best. You're in my thoughts

This guy is a painter, and he is doing her a favor and painting this new house pretty cheap for her. I know that she's known him at least a year, and she's done a website for his business. In other words, he's in her cell phone, he sees her at work (paint store), and he's helping her get her new life on track. Just seems like he's the common thread to her leaving. <p>As for being prepared for the truth - when she told me that she didn't love me, and that she thinks that she never did, that hurt worse than the thought of her and the OM. I just deserve to know the truth so I can assess my options. Right now, divorcing her is not an option, but if I find out about a PA, it will be a dang good one for me right now. I don't think I could give her another chance.

Nasakid:<p>This is awful news for you. Very much the way I found out about my W's A in January. I was shaking too, and crying, in my office at work.<p>I think the "kissy kissy" message is pretty convincing evidence of a PA. Remember, kissing, even hand-holding, if it's not parent-child, that kind of thing, is sex if the intent is sexual. <p>But MORE IMPORTANT, an EA is pretty sinister, particularly since you, the BS are the H, because men tend to not think of the EA as "serious" as a PA, whereas for most women the emotional attachment is far more meaningful than the sex. And, while your W is in this fantasy R with OM, they're both going to get exactly what they want with very little investment... ...that is until the fantasy collapses, which might take a year or two to happen. <p>If it were me, knowing what you know, I wouldn't wait for more "proof" that something's going on. Even if they're not having sex, they soon will be, so keeping this info to yourself won't do you any good. I'd be inclined to confront your W with what you know NOW, before this encounter happens. It might still happen, you might have a helluva fight, but it might also burst her fantasy bubble. If they haven't had sex, or even if they have, you might be sparing her the risk of an unwanted pregnancy or an STD. That would be a good thing, even if you don't get back together with her. <p>But PLEASE, get additional advice before you act on any of this. I'm no expert, this is just what I would have done if I had known about my W's A before it got "out of control".

Well, surveilance came up empty last night. Maybe she just was goofing off with that guy, since he is a good friend of hers. I guess since she moved out mentally, she has let her friends fill most of the emotional needs that I used to fulfill. <p>I've thought about it a lot since yesterday, and even if she is having an A, it's not going to change anything. I have the right to know the truth, but right now I am working on ME, and I need to stop worrying about HER so much. If she is having an A, odds are that the relationship will fail after a short time and she will come back to me (the only solid thing she has). With God's grace, I will take her back ONLY after she gets the counselling that she desperately needs.<p>Keep me in your prayers because after she moves out, it will be a new beginning for me.

nasakid:<p>Good, that the surveillance turned up empty. But don't let down your guard.<p>Since she hasn't left yet, it's imperative that you show her all the kindness (without being smothering) that you can. Let her remember you with the utmost fondness.<p>Darn, our house was broken into last night. Got to deal with THAT [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]