My WH has been at this since 4/99. Same OW still in his life. Found out last month after 1 1/2 years of believing she was gone. Grrrrrrrrrr
WH even told me last Oct. when he suprised me and came home (OW Birthday) and told me that he was sorry about 2 years ago (I had my wedding rings delivered to him at OW back door to let him know I knew he had lied and I knew where he was).<p>WH is 40 and OW is 50's+? WH moved out in 4/99 and has changed careers and is living about 150 miles from me and our home. OW is 60 miles roughly from him. Since I found out about the contact last month, my WH now has a very ticked off wife (AGAIN), he lost his job 4/22/02, had to move out of former compnay apartment (unless that was a lie too), has a truck having problems and 4/26/02 cut me off and informed me that he is tired of "Everyone having their nose stuck in his business". Refused and refuses to tell me where he is. WH is not answering my e-mails either and has not called. Last contact was 4/26/02.<p>I clearly told him that we cannot go on unitl he chooses to end things for life with her. That I will not be second or be in a 3 way relationship. Yes I LB and threatened divorce and to drag her right in the middle if he didn't end A and it went to divorce. He blew whole thing off like it was just a rumor and "He was tired of me going off on him everytime I hear something from every Tom, [censored] and Harry". Source of information is reliable and accurate.<p>For the last 1 1/2 years, even with the distance in miles, he has e-mailed, called, came home and as of this past Christmas started telling me that he loved me and missed me. Now, since learning of contact (OW helped him when his truck broke down), he went to her and had her take him back to the city, he has cut ME his WIFE DEAD. Really hurts........WH told me about same time as contact with OW that he was having truck problems and I had offered him the use of my new car. He stated that he wasn't going to do that and thanked me for the offer. Then I find out WH truck broke down and it was OW he turned to for help...........Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr............<p>I have turned it all over to "GOD", placed it in his hands and I am reading, learning on here and through books I recently bought through MB bookstore. I really believe in the POWER OF GOD!!!!<p>I did LB and scream divorce but WH hasn't said he wanted one, simply broke all contact with me. Did the last 1 1/2 years mean nothing? We laughed, loved and never even had an arguement. WH said only reason we were apart was his job.<p>Can any FWH or W-spouses give me an idea what the cutting me off is all about? Last thing he said to me was "Just let me work this out, ok"? Don't know if that was because he had lost his job or if it's in general??????? ANY IDEA'S?<p>Why after 1 1/2 years of WH allowing me to believe OW was out of the picture, did he allow "us" to go on? To laugh, love, communicate, and etc. Then when I found out about WH's contact in March with OW, (I found out middle of April) has WH just chopped me out of his life?<p>WH has not said anything about wanting divorce, simply that he wasn't going to answer any of my d**n questions. WH also got mad when a co-worker I was taking home, answered my cell for me as I was turning across traffic. I have nothing to "hide", so I asked him to answer cell knowing it was probably my WH. WH questioned me as to who it was (WH sounded very annoyed)and I answered him honestly. My WH has NO REASON to doubt me as I have always been faithful and honest with him. Even through this 3 year nightmare he has told me that he trusts me and isn't worried about me in that area. This co-worker had a wreck and needed a ride home. It was on my way and his wife buys Mary Kay from me.<p>HELP?

Sounds like he is doing exactly what he wants to do. It's called having cake and eating it, too, and you disrupted his secret binge. He obviously is not interested in marital recovery.<p>Now, what do YOU want to do? Of course, he has left you with no palatable choices, but you do have choices:<p>

• Pursue him, hunt him down, and do more LBing, which will most likely result in further distancing behaviors by him.
• File for separation or divorce, but you'd have a hard time having him served if you don't know where he is. I'm sure there are ways to deal with that on which an attorney would be able to advise you, though.
• Do nothing and allow your H to write the script of your life.
• Read everything on this website to learn how others' marriages have been rebuilt, and draft a recovery plan for yourself and your M.

<p>Most of us here have obviously chosen the last item. Most of us tried the first three choices and found they didn't work.<p>It is best to abandon the quest to understand the cake-eating mentality. If you don't think that way, then it just won't compute. The best thing to do is to accept that it exists and that your H embraces it. That way, you can stop spinning your wheels and get on with your life and figuring out what you want to do with it.

Conqueror,<p>Thanks for your response. I haven't made any efforts to find him and I have stopped e-mailing him. Things were going good till his hand got caught in "cookie jar' again. WS definitely have a "warped" way of thinking and are all "so blind" to their share of the pain. They bring so much of it on "themselves" and continue to blame the betrayed spouse.<p>I have remained totally faithful and true to him in spite of all of it. I have placed it in "GOD'S" hands and learning all I can for me, so i know how to deal with him, if and when he reaches again.<p>I am doing better since placing it all in GOD'S HANDS! <p>I will not file as I didn't leave, didn't cheat, and can face and accept my area's I failed him. If that's what he wants........he'll have to and then he can carry the sin for both of us since he is the one that doesn't seem to want to face his errors, learn how to not make the same mistakes and make an effort to rebuild us. He runs, withdraws and escapes.<p>Me, I am big girl enough to be willing to make changes, learn from my mistakes and not go running to someone else to "make myself feel better. Yeh, I made mistakes but this marraige's survival depends on him and his willingness to face and do something about his mistakes. I cannot do it alone.<p>To me Divorce is the "easy way out" but is it really????? Sooner or later, they will realize their "foolishness".<p>Keep in touch...........<p>PS: WH has done this a couple times before and always eventually came back. Difference this time??? MB!!!!!!!!!! I have learned some things!!!! (((((BIG SMILE HERE))))))

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