Yesterday I was so angry, I just wanted to call my WH and tell him I was done for good. But thank goodness I didn't because later I missed him badly. Talk about never ending roller coasters. I have tried so hard to leave everything in God's hands, because when I try to "fix" things, I screw everything up. Anyway, to get to the point of my post, I got in my car last night, and heard the last 15minutes of a pastor preaching on a Christian Radio Station. This isn't word for word obviously but to sum it up (stay with me here, I will get to the point, really!, "I" is in reference to the pastor speaking):<p>"It was single digit degrees this past winter, and I have decided I had enough, I decided to call the airlines that evening and book a flight to Florida. At 8:30PM, I told my wife, we're going to Florida. I called up my sister and asked if she could take the kids. I drove 30min to her house and dropped them off in their PJ's, I would drop off their stuff in the morning on the way to the airport. I drove back home, my wife and I stayed up late packing our stuff for Florida, and getting the kids bags ready for my sister. We overslept, waking up at 5:30AM, our flight left at 7:00AM and we are 40minutes away from the airport. We rushed around, dropped off the kids stuff, was running in the airport, cutting in line for the security check. At 6:55 we finally got to the terminal our plane was in and on the plane. We were on the plane for a couple of minutes when the pilot came on and said we were having engine trouble and needed to have someone come fix it. We all sat on the plane, 2 hours later, the pilot came back on and said, this can't be fixed, we need to deboard and get on another plane, this one can't be fixed. So we all get off the plane and wait for the new one. Finally, at around 11:00AM, we take off to Florida and then have an awesome time. Now, what I could have done, is sat there and complained about everything that I went through to get to the airport and made demands from that airport, and tell them to fix that plane, that I didn't want to wait until another plane came (but may eventually crash). But instead, I stayed patient, waited for the plane, was glad I did."<p>His point was: "Stay patient, God has better things for you, don't complain about things you cannot change, if you try to stay where you are, you will miss out on things to come"<p>He then related this to relationships:
For single people, get a new plane.<p>For married people, get a new marriage,but to the same person. Try to everything to meet their needs, and stay focused on God. Stay prayerful. Without prayer, we have no power. With a little prayer, you have a little power. With alot of prayer, we have alot of power!!<p>Ok, God, I hear you, I'm still on this roller coaster waiting for my better plane (marriage)!!!

((((((((AMEN!)))))))<p>Prayer is the only thing keeping me going right now! And I truly believe in GOD'S Promises and that he wants married couples to stay together and if even one turns to GOD, stays true to their marriage vows, prays for changed and allows those changes in "them" that GOD feels need to be made, anything is possible! <p>I have accepted that I cannot do anything to end mmy WH affair, cannot make him see the damage him continuing it is causing, cannot make him do a darn thing. So I am taking charge of my life.<p>I have turned WH and our marriage over to GOD. After all, doesn't he know how the "A" should end best? Doesn't he know what changes need to occur, BEST? GOD already knows the outcome...........<p>I'm a gettin' our of my Lord's way!!!!!!!!!<p>I am striving to grow closer to my heavenly father and I certainly believe in HIS POWER!!!!<p>I feel better, still confused by all this but doing all I can to learn and "better" myself.<p>My toughest thing right now? Lonliness. I am still living "married", honoring my vows to WH even though he isn't honoring his to me. I stay to myself and just go to work. I avoid being around "men" because I know I am vulnerable and I will not allow myself to walk off into anything.<p>I hate doing things alone......so I might as well stay at home "alone".......torment the cat, enjoy the aquariums, talk to the flowers, read, read, read, learn, learn, learn and PRAY my tail off!!!!<p>I hang on the net with my "Sister" and you guys/Gals!<p>Nothin' I can do but PRAY......until my WH comes back from reality.<p>He's planned B me.......because i found out the last 1 1/2 years that I thought we were re-building, OW was still in picture. I LB all over the place when i found out and confronted him. In a matter of 2 weeks.....all heck broke lose for him as he lost his job, had to move out of company apt., truck problems and you name it....<p>Me.....I still have my job of 11 years, still in our home......don't have the guilt of being the one that left and had an "A". My mind isn't all "screwed up". I clearly see my errors, I know where I need to work on some things, I'm not to proud to admit it and I am willing to do something about it! <p>I know that we can work things out "together" but not until WH chooses to end A, contact with OW and "Let's me fill his needs"......<p>Haven't heard from him since 4/26/02 and no idea where he is. He's either with OW or job hunting....who knows?<p>It's me and GOD now......God will always be with me from this moment forward. I can tell a difference when I let up on praying. As soon as turn back to praying.......I FEEL BETTER!!!!<p>((((((((HUGS)))))))<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>PS: I finally figured how to do the faces out!! "YEH"!! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]

And obviously I CANNOT TYPE TODAY!!!!<p>Suppose to be "until WH comes BACK TO REALITY!!!!!"<p>Hardest thing is knowing we can rebuild us and be better than ever.......but WH cannot see that...<p>Forgive my typing error's! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

WOW!! Great reminder of who is in control...I need to let go of this awful mess and give it back to God. As it was so well put, when I try to fix it or "help" God I mess it up!!!

Thanks, ladies, for the lift today! Thanks, _crazy, for the plane analogy. I also like knowing that you are about on the same timeline I am. I love having that little info tacked on the end of our posts, in the form of sig lines. I think it helps us to relate more.<p>I constantly need this reminder to lean on God, to totally let Him "have the mess" cause He alone knows how to fix it!! I've got some ideas, but obviously, it's partly messed up b/c of stuff I've done in the past! I don't want to make any more mistakes in my M. I want it fixed, but I WANT I FIXED RIGHT!! I can't do that. My WH doesn't want to do that. Only God is able. My WH said to me, just days before he left that "We really need to start going back to church." DUH?!?! He KNEW what he was comtemplating was against God's will, and did it anyway??? Does he really think it's going to end anyway but badly?!?!?!?<p>Today is exactly ONE YEAR since WH moved out and into OW's home. <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" /> I got paperwork yesterday which informs me "the end" is very close. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" /> <p>I had my little pity party yesterday, but today, God is telling me ( again ) that HE is in total control, and to look TO HIM ALONE and that HE will fix this! AMEN!!! Thanks for your witnesses of strength. I gives me the strength to keep going today. I'm still standing.<p>PTL<p>\o/

Thanks friends for reminding me... too on this day... LEt go and let God... wonderful wonderful tool and step of my twelve step program as well... alanon... H is alcoholic too [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I appreciate the reminder as I have to interact with my h a bit this weekend and possibly some early next week...<p>My attempts to FIX things or HELP my ws... end it... only made me look like a total fool and backfired.. I had temper tantrum... huge lb's and also huge OP anger and confrontations... <p>Spying and major stress... now I have let go... <p>I mentioned to H perhps we can lunch or dinner together this weekend... his answer nothing at all definite, but he will call me... well, I am just growing stronger and getting better... perhaps... I should not of asked him... but I am still plan a with distance.... <p>I want a chance to reconcile... but the more... I let go and SEE WHO HE REALLY HAS BECOME>.. <p>I just do not even want him.... ? [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>It is heartbreaking,, but why be married... fight, argue..w. ith someone.. why bother? when he can't do right? I do not want this happening again... and my h has no SERIOUS... .remorse...and lots of BLAME for me... OH becasue you... blah blah... I had A... <p>Well, I thouhgt marriage was for life... but who wants a marriage to someone who cheats and lies? NOt me... and truthfully, if they want to come back andlove us and adore us fine... if not, we are SO MUCH BETTER OFF...<p>why spend your life with a liear and a cheater who does not adore you?<p>WHY? <p>That is why letting go and not trying to manipulate or control helps me so much... I can really see who he is... all by himself... <p>and for that resaon... if we go anywhere again... after possible lunch... or whatever.. taht he will have to get back to me... on//// He will be asking... ! I am moving on... <p>It is so sad... so much of what I have wanted in my life.. has not happened since I married this man... he has made so much of my life so difficult and more like survival than living... <p>Gotta go because my son has a piano recital this afternoon... this morning he had a baseball playoff game... I have gotten to be the proud mom at both occaisions and guess what WS has not even tried to make one of the events... what a DAD???/ it surely shows his true colors... <p>Thanks for the topic and the read, HONEY

Still believing in GOD here!<p>Food for thought and a saying that people say that drives me up the wall:<p>"Get rid of the no good liar, cheat and etc." "You deserve better"......<p>Are these people GOD???? Where is the guarantee that in a "new relationship", that person won't change too and we're right back here on this forum....again? <p>I know that there are super men and women out there that have NEVER cheated nor would they (PAT ON ALL OF THEIR BACKS) PROUD OF THEM!!!!!!!!<p>Even though my WH has "hurt me", he has hurt "himself as well".........<p>I "CHOOSE" to remain true to the vows that I made to him (WH) before GOD! And I "CHOOSE" not to give up on him (WH)! I also "CHOOSE" to use this time to grow closer to my HEAVENLY FATHER and move out of "his way", so he can do "WHAT HE FEELS" needs to be done........including changes I need, not just ones that my WH needs.<p>Yes, call me a fool or whatever but I "still love this man I married and I still believe that somewhere down deep, he still loves me too". I believe the man I knew and love is still "somewhere" deep inside this fog and I won't give up on him.......Just "lettin him go" so GOD can take over.<p>(((((((((HUGS TO ALL))))))))))<p>I know that there are super men and women out there that have NEVER cheated nor would they, (PAT ON ALL OF THEIR BACKS) PROUD OF THEM!!!!!!!! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Hey everyone, this place is just so awesome!! It is nice to be able to "talk" with people who know exactly what we are going through!<p>BetrayedAgain: Can I just say that I feel we are in the same boat? I have learned all the could a , should a did that stuff too. LB'd big time in the past, took my husband for granted, still that does not give him an excuse to do what he is doing, but I have accepted partial responsibility!!.. I guess both of us are still waiting to get on that better plane!! God's timing is so hard, I have to apologize to God all the time for being so impatient, taking things into my own hands, and screwing them up!! If only, our WH's would just realize what we have learned about ourselves!! <p>He keeps telling me that "he is thinking about coming home" but is "afraid things will be the same" (he doesn't say this, but he's scared it won't work with us, plus he will lose OW). I wish he would "wake up" and come back down to reality!!<p>Lupolady: so sorry to hear about the paperwork, pray to the very end, and keep praying sister. I went to "DivorceCare" courses at a local church which is a support group for Separated/Divorcing/Divorced individuals. It had a couple on there who had divorced, and then remarried 2 years later!!<p>Honey: Sounds like you are on the same love/hate roller coaster!!!

GoingCrazy<p>Yes, I think we are in the same boat. Can't remember for sure if i saw your post or not but if you haven't found my thread, check it out!<p>WH/WS Need a little Inspiration?<p>I have been on so many threads today I am rattled. Pretty sure I "THANK YOU".<p>Also if you need a "good laugh".......check out thread "OW Anatomy". I posted a cracker-upper on it!<p>((((((HUGS))))))))<p>PS: Keep in touch! I think we're trailing each other anyway! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

GoingCrazy<p>Yes, I think we are in the same boat. Can't remember for sure if i saw your post or not but if you haven't found my thread, check it out!<p>WH/WS Need a little Inspiration?<p>I have been on so many threads today I am rattled. Pretty sure I "THANK YOU".<p>Also if you need a "good laugh".......check out thread "OW Anatomy". I posted a cracker-upper on it!<p>((((((HUGS))))))))<p>PS: Keep in touch! I think we're trailing each other anyway! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

I've been on both threads, thanks for the web site info!!