Re: I just think this was a uncontrolable situation where 2 people met and fell in love, not planned or prepared. Isn't that what usually happens? (minus the spouse?)<p>The ‘minus the spouse’ is exactly the point. It’s not that a WS and an OP cannot truly fall in love. It’s that they needed to protect themselves from ever getting to this point. When you started having even the smallest twinge of feelings towards her, that was the time to run like h3ll. It was also the time for her to run. And yes you could have walked away from it. I’ve been there, done that. People ‘feel’ things but we have total control over how we react to the feeling. You CHOSE to pursue the affair. You may not have planned to fall for her, but after that every step you took into the affair was PLANNED. Do you see this? If you did not walk away, you chose your path. It was not an ‘uncontrollable’ situation. You and she both had total control over your actions. <p>If you argue otherwise, you are telling us that you are a person who is pathologically controlled by their emotions and therefore cannot function in normal society.<p>As for why the affair is probably destined to fail. Yes, people fall in love ‘minus the spouse’. But you see that is a totally different situation. When two single, unattached people fall in love, it is because they are meeting ALL of each other’s emotional needs. However, in the case where one (or both) of the affair partners are married, the affair relationship is not based on the OP meeting all of the WS’s EN’s.<p>While this woman may have been meeting all of your emotional needs, you were not meeting all of hers. Her husband was meeting some portion of them two. That is why we talk about affairs being a fantasy/fog. The WS gets the impression that the OP is meeting all their needs and is the only person they need. But in reality they are still depending of their spouse for many of their EN’s. So if the spouse start filling the EN’s the OP is filling, the affair will fall apart. <p>In addition if the WS has to depend on the OP for all of their needs, then the affair will usually fall apart. Why? Because in most cases the OP does not step up to the plate to fill the void of the missing spouse. If the OP really wanted to fill of the WS’s EN’s, they would not have gotten involved with a person who was only partially available in the first place. <p>Some day, when you are married, and karma catches up to you. You will realize that this was no 'slight slip' in your morals. It was a huge plunge into immorality.
