Some of you know my big lb's... calming down considerably as of late...<p>so sick of h saying... he can't trust me... he knows I will majorly mess up again soon... <p>still reflects and talks about me me me... waht about hm him him?<p>starting to think I don't even want this rat back.<p>he says he will go to lunch with me and kids tomorrow if I dont do anything strange between now and then... and same goes for lunch... basically we are back to pretending like nothing is wrong... when I am around him and talk to him.... plan a , I guess.. no R talk, etc... <p>If I do this for a while... I would say it is likely we work things out some... but I keep feeling this H... wants to focus on my mistakes... not his AT ALL.<p>I think aobut all the problems he has caused me and I start to wonder.. and by the way...<p>I wouldnt of been a raving maniac EVER... if I had not been treated like a fing you know what... it is pathetic..<p>Now, sorry for the langauge... I am just so sick of him... he says he has to live apart from me... since i am so dangerous... <p>and also that.... he weill be able to give me only 2-300 dollars for the kids for the last 6 weeks... he has given nothing... nothing.. and says this is because he has no job...a bout to geta job and a roommate.. roommate is where he gets this big money here... you know he is paying all of his living expernses and 25% is way more than this crappy 2-300 he plans on throwing at me... pathetic... shall I say that again? true... he would not be able to pay his bills... but that is not my problem is it?
or the kids?<p>He is making me quite angry... is not attenind g aa or anything else... again I sd to his weak invitation.. that I will go maybe depending on how he treats me tomorrow...<p>and also.... this H I married... has the nerve... nerve... to threaten that he will not give me back my stuff I have let him borrow until there is a divor ce... <p>thatnks, HOney

Don't Go. Plan B. Be polite and have other plans. Protect yourself, and stop listening to his threats. If you expect yourself to mess up you will, get the higher expectations back for yourself and have NO EXPECTATIONS about him.<p>This is back to control and you trying to "prove" you are good enough for him, and meet/exceed his standards that he puts in place. He holds the cards, he makes up the rules. If you continue that is what you are allowing to happen TO YOU!!<p>He can only be as nasty to you as you allow him to be. If he hasn't gotten his act together then leave him alone.<p>Please spend the day doing good things for your family, not creating more anxiety.<p>You are a good and caring person, please see that and stay away from the bear traps.<p>Sorry this is harsh, you are doing so well. Please don't let each weekend be a battle ground for your emotions.

Honey [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Here's my suggestion sweetheart ....<p>~~~~earplugs~~~~<p>Pepper [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]
short 'n sweet [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Honey,<p>I has been following your post since the beginning ... don't get mad, it is not disrespect to you but to see your H's point of view. If I were your H I will not trusting you too. Be patience, patience, patience, consistent, consistence, consistence and let time prove your self and let H regain it.<p>Yes, you had been wrong, yes your H was taken by alien 1,000 galaxy away from ours. However you stated that you want to try plan A ... stick with it for at least 6 months and do your best.<p>I like paperband's idea ... earplug. Use it as a keyword to remind you everytime you want to LB'ed w/ H [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>Hang tough ... -RH-

Hi Honey, I know my h dosen't trust me either, but I'm determined to show him I'm for real by being consistent - consistently kind, no LB's, try to deposit if i can, show him the changes I've made in myself and that I continue to work on.<p>Re the nastiness, you have three choices as i see it, you can go beserk, you can choose to ignore them or you can assertively ask him to respect you and not treat you this way.<p>He is trying to tell you something though. My H told me once that I didn't listen to him, he said, you just don't listen. I had always prided myself about being a good listener, so I noted what I did with people and guess what? I had become a bad listener, ready to jump in with my 2cents worth. So i've decided to run a little experiment and shut my mouth and see what happens. I'll let you know the results, but i'm learning a lot about him (unfortunately I have to listen to a lot of alien bull**** too, but that's when you grab the earplugs). <p>Good luck Honey

Honey, I see a pattern here. <p>Whenever you have contact with H you going into crazy thinking, focusing on him, his issues. <p>When you have time and space away from him and no contact - I see you focusing on you and the kids.<p>I hope you can see it too. IMHO don't have lunch with him (or any contact) - he will suck you into his downward spiral. By having lunch and continually having conversations with him you are saying to him: its okay, treat me like crap, I will always be here for you. <p>Whats the status on the maid? Has he quit contact with her? What has changed that has you desiring to have lunch with him?

Hi and thanks for the feedback...I appreciate it...<p>Luvnprotect: I think maid thing is dying down... but ha ve not been cking vm, he changed the code... and also no drive bys///- so I don't know... i would not of known before... had I not been spying... (my issue is probably that I feel no time together= death of relationship... ?) bad idea? He does seem to get nicer the less I talk to him... we did not do lunch... and I have called less and less.. and he keeps getting nicer and nicer... <p>Redhat... I know he has reason to be afraid of me, and my outbursts... but gee... I wouldn't of done all that without the alien invasion of the man I loved? anyway, this is why I am patient to prove myself with love deposits... as this worked well in the beginning when this is what i did... but my intermittent outbursts have been my downfall... yes, I know.... gee- why didn't I just remain calm like I am now?<p>sfmc,, I see what you mean... I have been major lber... so in my case... I almost feel... that I have to prove I am the one he married still , again... since I have been out of control angry over the A... and also some drinking issues... prior to the A. But, NO, do not want him thinking this is OK.<p>Pepper, thanks for earplugs idea... I need them.... i am getting off phone and cutting conversation short... when he gets like that... it works like a charm... he has now been respectful for 3 whole days! wow!<p>thanks to everyone... <p>starting to wonder do I want this unemployed beer drinker back? Well, No... but I do want the man I married.. if he is still in there? I will keep calm and keep praying...<p>thanks so much.<p>Honey

You sound good Honey!<p>Just remember -- that you have a lot of good demonstrating to do to him -- Plan A.<p>But also keep in mind -- that he has not even begun to demonstrate if he is worthy of you (I'm guessing he's not [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] )

thanks Lexxy for the thumbs up, also thanks to Seahorse for the good advice... <p>I really appreciate your comment that I deserve to be treated good... GEE how nice? compared to my h's attitude lately... treating me like dirt... [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>My h also says I do not listen to him! WOW... well I will show him listening too... thanks for the advice... i am working on listening now.<p>Honey [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]