I have just today found out that my wife has told me a bold faced lie.<p>We have been on pretty good terms these last few months. She still doesn't want to work on M, but won't admit she is still having affair with OP.<p>Yesterday, she told me she was going to a baseball game at the minor league stadium we have that is about twenty minutes away. This is no big deal, I know she has season tickets.<p>Today I was reading the sports page like I always do and low and behold, it turns out that our local New Jersey team did have a game. It was in North Carolina.<p>Do I ask her how the drive up from Raleigh was today, or do I keep this to myself?

If you are aware that the A is still going on, leave it alone. It won't be the first nor the last lie you'll hear before this is all over. I did not have to go through plan A or B, so I'm not an expert, but I'd guess it would be a LB to confront her.<p>Just my Opinion.

the ws's fog-or as i like to call it-stupidity, never ceases to surprise me. it also gives me a smile.<p>sorry for your pain. leave it for now.

Bump up, please...

I will disagree from the rest. Validate her facts to you. Ask her how the game was. This could have been or should have been an innocent question. at this point you still don't know the reason. <p>It seems in more cases when the WS is the H, the reason comes up as, 'I lied to you because I was getting you a surprise'. Dumb???? But they think we will buy it. <p>Now in the case of your W, ask her about the game as calmly as possible. If you are not able to then ask someone else to find out. <p>Listen to the answer and if you can prove beyond a shadow of a doubt she is lying and the reason is either weak or a 'bold face lie', then let her know you are aware that she is NOT being honest with you. Do not disclose what you will do with that information. Let her know you are disapppointed, if she pulls the I was getting u a surprise, let her know that right now surprises are not a welcomed thing. Then let her wonder...... U will either see remorse (if her reasons were try) or she will get angry. Either way should help you determine the truth. Again, don't disclose what conclusions you have drawn, just give her the look of approval or great disappointment. No further explanation is required. Again, let her wonder......<p>
JMHO,
L.

You have been separated over a year and she is still telling you lies. You have children and have to deal with her. You should make it clear that honesty is important and ask here why she still feels compelled to lie to you. I would think for the health of you and your children that you should start planning a future. It does seem from your previous posts that your wife and female boss (I believe they live together now) have been pretty strong in this relationship. You may need to get out of denial yourself. I wish you luck.

Thanks to all of you for your replies.<p>Byanp-<p>My wife and the OP do not live together. Each has their own place. After admitting their realtionship to each respective spouse nearly a year and a half ago, they now try to conceal it at all costs. It's really kind of a joke because they think they are succeeding at this but almost everyone close to them knows.<p>The next morning after the "game" my wife asked us (myself and our daughters), not to try and call her because she was going to spend her first Saturday off in over a month to sleep in. I've gotten to know her signs by now. I went by her place at 5:30 AM that morning. Her car was gone.<p>This arrangement where we live apart and bounce our daughters back and forth every week is nothing more than for my wife and the OP's convenience. As much as I have tried to fight it, I believe I now must follow Steve H.'s advice and file for D. It was the last thing I wanted to do... [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

I am sorry for the terrible pain you have been going through but maybe just maybe the reality of a potential divorce just might wake her up in the end. Steve H is the expert and is quite knowledgable. I am curious what is the situation with the OP's spouse? Have you ever talked to him? What are his plans?
I am hoping again this will be a wake up call. You have done your best but your situation is such that when Steve H says to move on then you know it has become unworkable and unhealthy to you and your children. I wish you luck.

Bryanp-<p>I have talked to the OP's spouse on occassion. We used to compare notes, but he is now so digusted with his W that he claims he will never take her back. I'm not sure whether I plan to divulge to him any potential decision to file or not(Can you tell I'm still not convinced I want to do this?). He was pretty open with his spouse about things we discussed when this all began.<p>Although I have been cautioned by Steve and several on this board not to count on it, I believe there is a good possibilty that my filing will change my wife's direction. I asked Steve point blank in our last session if he felt that my marriage was over. He said not necessarily so. But he still advised me to file. I know many others here have told me that divorce should not be a vehicle one uses as a tool to get the WS back. But what else could he have meant here?

I'm with Orchid unless it's old news by now - ask her how the game was. If she says, "fine", ask her how they're doing home vs away games. She may get the point that you know AND you're using restraint in confronting her.<p>Aside from that, if you file, remind me of your likely custody outcome. Is it cast in stone already? Redhat recently posted that he (or was it someone else?) forced their custody issue into mediation which provided the opportunity for "soft" issues to be considered that may not have had standing in a strict court setting, i.e., the fact that the mother of your children is having a homosexual affair may carry weight to a mediator who may be willing to confront your wife with some tough questions which in turn may influence a custody outcome. I know I'm reaching here, but maybe it's a possibility.<p>WAT

I did exactly what Orchid suggested tonight while we were watching our youngest daughter's softball game. I asked her how the game was on Friday night. She replied by telling me it was fine, but that it wasn't the minor league team she saw. It was a collegiate tournament game. I'm inclined to believe this, but should probably check it out. In any event, I'm quite sure she was there with the OP.<p>Dave-<p>Nothing is ever etched in stone here. I really can't say what the likely outcome will be. On one hand, I can't see my wife holding on to this forever when faced with the possible consequences from all the covering up and the lying. The two of them have been doing this for so long they have kind of backed themselves in the corner. On the other hand, you never know. They could accept whatever losses they get and move on. But somehow, I doubt it.<p>
Redhat's situation sounds interesting though...<p>[ May 21, 2002: Message edited by: Always Hopeful ]</p>