I'm sorry, but this post is a bit long. You can get a little background on me HERE<p>Here's a little update since then. This past Wednesday my WW came home. I was ecstatic to say the least. We had been talking a bit, and she had asked if it would be ok for her to come home. Now all of a sudden she was home. I was so happy. <p>Both of us played hooky on Thursday, and spent the almost the whole day together. (except for a about an hour in the morning when she went to her apartment for clothes. OM confronted her there. She told him that she was coming back to me. They aparently argued, and he told her he never wanted to see her again.)<p>After she came back home, we went to the movies, watched tv, and talked alot. I've read SAA and I've read so many posts here that I know I shouldn't keep my hopes up. I knew that she would probably leave again. <p>On Friday she went to work, even though I asked her not to go. I actually asked her to just quit. (OM works there) Well Friday night she didn't come home. She left me a message on the answering machine that she went back to her apartment to think again. All I can say is that at least I was prepared, so I wasn't devastated. <p>This evening she called me and asked if she could come by and pick up somethings that she left the other night. <p>When she got here we talked a bit. She apologized for her "stupidity". I told her I didn't think she was stupid at all, just lost in the fog. We talked some more, and I even read some of SAA to her. She was surprised how similar what she was going through was to what was written in SAA. OM called her a few times, but she didn't answer. Eventually she admitted that she talked to him this morning and told him that she wasn't sure what she wanted.
She told me that she realizes that she's "addicted" to him, and that she does want to quit. She just can't bring herself to do it.
When she left tonight It was like my heart was ripped from my chest. She told me that I could call her, and that we could see eachother, and then she 180'd she told me that she would call me.
I know that it's the fog that's "guiding her actions" but it still hurts. I didn't want to let her leave. I almost got on my knees and begged. She told me that she wishes I would tell her that I never want to see her again. Because that would scare her and make her realize that I care. (Apparently that's what OM did.) I could never possible do that.
The only really good thing is that she took my copy of SAA with her when she left tonight. She said that she would read about how to end an affair. I hope she does. I hope she doesn't answer her phone and talk to him.
Oh one last thing. Her mother is advising her that she should give us one year then get divorced, because "that would be acceptable". I love her mom, but that sounds like terrible advice to me. Her mom is going to help her get another apartment. (One that OM doesn't know about) So that she can work things out. I don't know.
My WW wrote a letter to her parents that she wants me to send out. It's really for her Dad because her mom knows whats going on. She says that she sorry, but that she and I are having problems. That we both are at fault. That she forgives me. That she doesn't want to be married to me. That she needs to find out what is right for her. That she hopes she can have a happy marriage with me or with somebody else if somebody else "happens" to come along. and that she wants to have kids.
I'm so tempted to shred the letter, but I won't. I'll send it out. <p>I'm so confused right now. I know that it's the weekend, and that I shouldn't expect any replies, but I really could use some encouragement. I don't want to Plan B. But I know my love bank can't take to many more night like this. <p>Thanks for "hearing" me out.<p>Feeling Lost

Hi, <p>Well you did the right thing to come here and vent. Actually you have more going in your favor than most. <p>The OM is capable of LBing. You have seen that. Good. Pray he does more. LOL!!<p>You keep showing how good you are. You will be the shining star that will reflect even during the darkest hours. If her withdrawal is bad (as most are), knowing that you are there can be a comfort to her but never make yourself a doormat. Not very becoming to the Ws. <p>The WS mentality is very slow and illogical at this time. Don't try to make heads or tails of it. Keep yourself busy but don't get into another relationship ok????<p>L.

Sorry to hear about your situation, but I see alot of hope in what is happening. It sounds like your Plan A is working well, keeping her from running 100% to the OM. And that she is reading SAA, that is a very good sign. So I would just like to say, that things may look down now, but there's much to see that's positive here. <p>You may need to get your Plan B ready if your Love Bank is close depleted. Only you know the timing, but don't forget that as an option. It appears that she isn't so sure she wants to leave, so Plan B may just wake her up. But only when you are ready.<p>Best Wishes

As for words of encouragement... I see your D-day isn't all that long ago... so I know you don't want to hear this BUT... you're in it for the long haul. We're talking months, not weeks!<p>It's usually recommended that Plan A is done for a matter of a few months, if you can manage it... I've personally gained respect for those who've been able to do an excellent but short Plan A followed by a sudden Plan B... it kind of depends on the situation. The more EN's you failed to meet, the more likely you should extend your Plan A... Also, not having kids is a reason to go longer... if you can (as was my case).<p>Talking with someone like Steve or Jennifer Harley is good if you can afford it ($145 / hr). They're good at guiding a person along from Plan A to Plan B.<p>As for your love bank... I know there were plenty of times I said "I can't take this anymore" and was ready to go to Plan B... But I had to always step back and evaluate what was motivating me... was it just my impatience, or was I REALLY falling out of love for WW... it's only been recently that I've honestly seen that happening... the major signs? Indifference. Apathy. Feeling angry and anxious can sometimes indicate a need to keep in Plan A for a little longer.

Wow I didn't expect repsonses so soon on a Saturday night.
Thanks Orchid. I will keep doing my best, and I will Plan A as long as I can. (I really, really don't want to Plan B.) As far as me getting in to another R. Don't worry I made that mistake.(it's one of the biggest strikes against me. Eventhough my WW told me that she did forgive me.) I won't make that mistake again. I'm having enough trouble dealing with the shame from my EA. I could never do that again.<p>Thanks Want2FixIt. I agree that her reading SAA is a good sign. I'll have to wait and see about Plan B. I'm probably just reacting to the events of tonight. <p>FeelingLost

Just saw your post J.R. I know that I'm going to be going through this for months. I wish it could be less. There no way I can call the Harley's right now. As it is I might be forced to sell the house in a few months. (I don't make enough to keep it by myself.) <p>For now I read alot books like HNHN and SAA, and here on the boards. I get a lot of insight from MB. <p>I agree with you about Plan B. Now that I've "calmed" down a bit I think I was just reacting to the pain I was feeling earlier. Although there are times when I "forget" about my wife. I don't think it's indifference, more likely I'm just trying to forget the pain. <p>Feeling Lost

Plan B is not as scary as you may think. But it does feel like riding a bike. Once you got it, no one is going to stop U. <p>Rethink your plan B options. Let's see if we can get NSR or JL here. They are good at explaining this stuff. <p>
L.

Seems to me that your wife flat out told you to Plan B her.<p>I think you should call the Harely's asap.