Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#1002697 05/19/02 03:43 PM
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 168
S
Member
Member
S Offline
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 168
I just wanted you to know that you have been on my mind....so much so that I did a search of your member number....(wanted to check out where you are coming from, I don't know, maybe sorta gauge your style of posting and the sort of "advice" you normally give).<p>Through reading many of your posts, I have yet to figure out what your situation is. (maybe because you haven't explained it or maybe because the search didn't pull it up) What I have observed is that almost every post of yours is laced with advice to each person being cheated on to "get control, release your anger, consider putting the baby (OC) up for adoption and not keeping it around to remind you of how you were a cuckhold".<p>I've also noticed that (from what the search pulled up) you rarely respond after you've told people to do such things as tattoo "doormats" onto their forehead and really consider what they will be thinking each time they look into the eyes of a child whom they are raising but is another man's child, you've suggested in so many words that they need to unleash their anger onto their WS to regain control of the situation and so forth.<p>I also notice that Capitalization somehow escapes you.<p>All that aside....<p>I'm just wondering, how did I spark your interest? So much so that you posted to me? What was it about me and my situation that prompted you to respond to me the way you did? <p>Your posts are overwhelmingly for the BS (which I have no problem with)....expecially if the WS is unrepentant, still in the fog, or fencesitting.<p>What you posted to me is no more than I have thought about myself and my situation time and time again. You know, "you reap what you sow" and "what goes around comes around".<p>But some things I have realized are these: My husband isn't simply a reactor to my actions. I am not that powerful nor is he that weak. He's a person in his own right. He has a conscience and he also has brains enough to make choices that have nothing to do with me. My actions are not indicative of any choice he may make to cheat on me nor does karma dictate that he run out and insert his penis into another woman just to fulfill some sort of destiny that I may have set in motion.<p>What makes you think that I haven't received my punishment for what I've done? What makes you think that "it" hasn't already come around? <p>You do my husband a disservice by suggesting that he is controlled by any other force than his own thinking brain, ability to choose, conscience, dignity and honor.<p>Cheating he MAY very well be, but that is no indication that I set that in motion or that it is only a byproduct of my choices and actions. Give him more credit than that, he deserves at least that much.<p>I will give you fuel for your fire and tell you that your post to me did give me pause for thought. However, it did not cause me to wallow in guilt nor did it cause an added influx of doubt that I assume was your intention.<p>What it did do was make me realize, once again, that my husband was not to blame for my cheating nor would I be to blame for his cheating, that is, if he happens to be cheating.<p>So, can you enlighten me? What is it exactly that you hoped to gain by your post?<p>Thanks,<p>selket<p>[ May 19, 2002: Message edited by: selket ]</p>

#1002698 05/19/02 05:23 PM
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Member
P Offline
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
~~SEL~~<p>My guess is this: person-in-pain-from-childhood-raised-in un-happy un-faithful-home ... and anger/pain still very unresolved.<p>But ... thisisjustaguessandIdon'tknownuttinanyway!<p>Pepper [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

#1002699 05/19/02 06:04 PM
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 168
S
Member
Member
S Offline
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 168
Pepper,<p>I am thinking you are right.<p>At first, I thought joell really was just a lurker but then I did the search and lo and behold the stuff I came back with. It's scary, really, and I don't say this to be mean or insulting.....it's really downright s-c-a-r-y!<p>
joell~ I really would love a response from you on my above post....because the way I have it figured is this:<p>1. You have a deep-seated hatred for women who have affairs. Never did I see you post to a woman who had been betrayed by her husband. Your posts almost exclusively were to either men who had been betrayed and giving them such advice as the following.....<p>there are women, who for some obscure reason , need domination of some type. (some women need domination????)<p>kick your wife out. she does not respect you at the moment. if you don't get mean she will never respect you and consequently will never love you as you deserve. (if you don't get mean she will never respect you nor love you?????)<p>david , as the poster said you are being played for a chump. if you have to ask the question , should you let her go? then maybe you deserve what you are getting and I don't mean that as though I don't care about your pain, but you are playing the role of a facilator. you may as well go and along and help him undress her for lovemaking. bring them wine and play music for them as they make love under the stars. gosh david, come on buck up and throw her out (you deserve what you are getting and may as well help him screw her because he askes if he should let her go?????)<p>it would still be going on is some respect if the lover had not spilt the beans on her. I believe, if you are to constinue to cohabitate with her you must get and maintain the upper hand from now on. your self respect demands it. and in order for her to love you she must respect you. that probably means a complete loss of all privacy for her. she must be acccountable for all conversations and times should you ask. also, I would withhold some forgiveness just to keep her honest (get the upper hand and withold some forgiveness to keep her honest????)<p>I would insist on her phoning up the lover with me on another line and formally breaking the relationship with an apoligy for helping him to continue to be a sleezy slut chaser. (joell, I'm sure telling this guy to have his wife apologize for being a sleezy slut was not helping him. How sick!)<p>(of course, all of the above were just randomly selected....certainly are not the best nor worst of joell's posts.... randomly selected after I realized the sort of "advice" joell was giving to people....there's more, plenty more like the above)<p>...So you were either posting to men who's wives had cheated on them or you were posting to the cheating women themselves. For example.....<p>
your husband's anger naturally dissapated after a few minutes as it does with all of us. we can't sustain an intense emotional outburst for a long time normally. His episodes will likely shorten in duration. when he sets upon you as he did you might help yourself to realize its God's wrath working through your husband as well as his hurt. many believe that God chastizes us for our sins and it seems so. (Gods wrath working through your husband??? are you suggesting this woman take whatever hubby dishes out because it's from God? Sick, sick, s-i-c-k-o!)<p>(of course there are several more responses like this...."you reap what you sow", God is chastizing you through your husband's anger" and all of such bollocks)<p>2. of the 49 posts that the search pulled up...almost without fail, your replies were very much (if not outright) of a misogynistic nature. Are you getting help for this? Although I do have to thank you, joell, because in doing these searches I did get a glimpse of several different situations from other people who have been hurt by betrayal....which only increased my beliefs that adultery is wrong to all involved.<p>3.I think it's very sad that you are using people's pain, regardless which side of betrayal they are on, for your own gratification. It must make you feel accomplished or good about yourself. (I hope not, I hope you aren't receiving anything remotely resembling "joy" from the things you post.)<p>Obviously you have been wounded deeply by a woman who has had an affair...and possibly produced a child of this relationship. Again, are you getting help for all this this? Joell, please get help for this. This is not healthy and I pray for any women who cross your path and don't bend to your will, wrath of God, upperhand, or whatever other notions you may have about "healthy" relationships.<p>Joell, I am not angry at you (I don't know if you intended to rile me or not) but I am not angry in the least. I am not upset at what you posted to me but what you posted to others who are in pain is in need of some concern. I feel terrible for you.<p>I can't imagine how ANY of the above quotes of yours could be beneficial much less on a MARRIAGE BUILDING website....which leads me to believe that you aren't here to truly help people, but to fulfill some sort of twisted personal agenda from whatever cards life has dealt you.<p>God bless and I will definitely be praying for you,<p>selket<p>P.S. I couldn't stop thinking about the things I read. I can't get this "advice" out of my mind. So, I decided to amend my post with some questions and other thoughts.<p>[ May 19, 2002: Message edited by: selket ]</p>

#1002700 05/19/02 06:24 PM
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 214
D
Member
Member
D Offline
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 214
TY Skelet...I've been restraining my fingers over on the Pregnancy/Child board not wanting to stir the pot more on a particular thread where this person has decided to post. I've found these posts to be nothing less than insulting to both of the parties involved.


Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 523 guests, and 71 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
vivian alva, Zion9038xe, renki, Gocroswell, Allen Inverson
72,027 Registered Users
Latest Posts
How important is it to get the whole story?
by still seeking - 07/24/25 01:29 AM
Annulment reconsideration help
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:05 PM
Help: I Don't Like Being Around My Wife
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:01 PM
Following Ex-Wifes Nursing Schedule?
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:21 AM
My wife wants a separation
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:20 AM
Spying husband arrested
by coooper - 06/24/25 09:19 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,624
Posts2,323,523
Members72,028
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 8.0.0