I am a BS, who has been struggling with this whole bizarre world since November of 2000. Although, it appears we may be in recovery, ( With my WS I sometime doubt I'll ever know ). My question is Who do you talk with about this ? Who can you confide in. I have no family ( only child parents both passed on). I have life long friends but I am not as close as I once was partly because of this. I do not want to talk to them about this because , if this does work out, I do not want them to hold it against her. I have had some talks with my mother in law and my WS's best friend. ( they has been very helpful, but I do not want to put them in the middle of this).
I went to counseling for a while and it helped some, but not nearly as much as I had hoped. I am sure my WS's aversion to therapy will keep us from ever going together. So the question is.... besides this wonderful forum, who do I talk to about this. Does anyone else feel completely alone.

Mark, I am also completely alone with this issue; other than my H. No one in my life would understand. I feel humiliated and embarrassed; and my H feels guilty, guilty, guilty. So we have chosen not to tell any friends or family.<p>My H did tell our priest who is also a very good friend of his; back when the A was still ongoing. <p>I was thinking last night how all alone I feel with this; and it's a problem. Also with the possibility of another undisclosed A going on it's indescribable how I feel.<p>This forum with the kind-hearted generous people has been a tremendous support. CSue

Mark..<p>From my expreience with my SO having a fling and from going thru a divorce my friends who were long term really close friends backed away when I confided to them...almost as if Affairs and Divorces were catching. So who do you talk to? You talk to these kind wonderful people that come here to share their grief and offer their words of wisdom or even comfort. They are a Godsend!

While I am relatively new at this, I did want to let you know that to my surprise, when I confided in a two close friends about all of this they were very understanding. Their initial reaction was one of shock and "dump the bum", but after hearing more about the whole situation and what I had read (I have voraciously read every book on infidelity I can get my hands on), their response has been one of support. This support has been my lifesaver. Whenever I think I am going to completely lose it and throw in the towel, I can call one of them. I am fortunate in these two friends have been close throughout my marriage so they a) know me very well and b) saw the love that existed between my WH and I before the A.<p>At first I was embarassed to say anything, but am now very glad that I did confide in someone else. It is hard to be alone in all of this

Mark,
I know exactly how you feel. I have never told anyone about my ws affairs. I just think it is to personal to tell anyone. How I wish I could sometimes just to cry on someones shoulder. It would be great to be 5 again and crawl up on my mothers lap and she would take away all the pain.

Mark H,<p>You can come here & "talk" about it. Thank God for this forum. <p>I am really blessed to have a number of friend with whom I share with. Many pray for me & my M every day. Thank you, I haven't been feeling particularly greatfull, but that was a spark. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi mark.. this may not apply to you.. but I found my h has had numerous a's , many one nighters.. and etc... so even though I am not sure.. I went to a cosa meeting.. codependents of sex addicts.. there are chapters everywhere.. great 12 step program.. really really helping me.. trememndously... i love it... but I found an awesome group... although I am not sure if my h is habitual or out of control... there are even some who seem to go just for a one time A, etc. it is helpful to help focus on you and talk aobut it... maybe you can find this kind of group in your city.. look on the internet.. there are also love addicts groups.. codependents anonymous.. and all the like programs wehen you have an addict in your home.. or life.. alanon.. etc..<p>I have found great support in these rooms...<p>I hpe that helps.. I think there are other open therapy groups.. etc.. search the internet and or ask your therapist for outlets... <p>Hugs to you and good luck.. I know it is great to have face to face contact... I am in houston.. and I know the mbers here have met for lunch.. that was aso awesome... maybe even the mb cruise coming up... even if you go alone.. but hopefully maybe it could be a couple thing...<p>i abd the harleys reccomend same sex .. support.. for these things as we are vulnerable right now... <p>good luck, Honey

YES! I feel desperately alone. I have no family either!! Parents deceased. No siblings. Even my H's parents were dead before we met. He had long term affair during last year, not sure what's going on these days. He came back home in Feb, after filing last Nov. OW got divorced last yr too. Ours was dismissed about 2 mo ago. He is home, but we do NOTHING together. He purposely stays out til Pm when its time to sleep & sleeps on living room floor. Does not even talk to me except one word answers if I ask a question. that is if he acknowledges even hearing me. Our 10th anniversary was last week. I got a card. He said/did absolutelu nothing. Why am I still here? I dont know!! I want my house & he doesnt seem to be moving out. No effort to show remorse or work on our marriage at all.<p>I cry myself to sleep. I am so miserable. I am reminded of the old him constantly. I see this alien in my house & its hard. He constantly rejects me. I told 1 or 2 female friends the whole deal. He acts like I told the universe. (people at former workplace all knew from observing him & OW together constantly - even before I got a clue!!)<p>My friends tell me "just forget about him" "dont think about him" but its not that easy. I see a counselor but she just listens & doesnt tell me much. I take tablets but I think I need to up the ante on the dosage. The significant anniversry going by like nothing is killing me. I have tried so hard to be caring & considerate of him, but he rejects me at every turn.<p>If it wasnt for this website, I'd have gone nuts! Also, you could start writing down things in a journal. It is a way to release some of those feelings. Just do it with the intention of NEVER showing anybody. Maybe even burn the pages after you've written them. People definately need support. This is all too much burden to carry around alone.

Mark,<p>U have been here a while. Would you like to communicate with some from here? I am sure some of the guys would be willing to e-mail and chat with you. I recommend the guys because your situations and options may be more familar than from those of us dealing with OWs. <p>Also have you talked with Steve or Jennifer?<p>L.

My H & I have chosen not to tell anyone. I have gone through periods where I have felt utterly alone, because my H's extreme guilt doesn't always allow me to bring the subject of the A up when I need to.<p>I found one person from these message boards who has been willing to "talk" to me by e-mail whenever I need it. I can say anything to her including all those things that would be LB's for my H, but I need to get out of my system. Our stories & feelings about how to deal with things are similar so I feel very comfortable with her. I hope I can do the same for another person when I am a couple of years down this road.

I have a really good male friend at work that I talk to occasionally. He has extremely good judgement and has a strong biblical background. I also come here and have received tremendous support from the people [especially from SNL via email!]. <p>I initially spoke to my sister about this but I have found that people who are closest to me have the biggest problem being objective because it angers them so much to see me mistreated. My sister was LIVID that I did not just dump my husband and to this day, cannot stand the sight of him.

Thank You all for your input. I am sorry there are so many others in my situation. Orchid, your idea is not a bad one. Maybe if there are some MB's in the Chicago area, we can find some kind of support group. Update on my situation: It's OK right now, but I don't have a clue where it's going. I am afraid that one day I'll wake up and just give up on my M. Maybe it's better to move on when the person your dealing with doesn't have the ability to deal with it. I know one thing, I am very glad I am trying and I am happy to have all of you as a sounding board.