Please, looking for some advice. Found out about W's A 3 months ago, she claims it is over. Trying to stay in Plan A. However, I recently hacked into her hotmail account, found out she is still contacting him, even though she claims she is not, and two friends are helping to facillitate communication. This is so distressing.
The question is should I confront her about this, or keep it quiet to gain more information? Will she totally lose it when she finds out about my investigative work, i.e. will revealing this be major LB?
From this it looks like she has arranged a meeting, not clear due to code words, but likely, should I confront even though not 100% positive? This life is killing me. <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" />

Hi there,<p>A month ago I asked exactly the same question to the forum and got some VERY good advice. Here's how you should play this:<p>- Continue to snoop
- Use evidence for your own purposes only, i.e. to monitor thickness of Wife's fog.
- In my case I used it also to help recognising / fulfilling Wife's EN; e.g. in an email to OM she would raise a point to which I innocently reacted/voiced my opinion 'on my own'<p>If you confront WW, she'll be very pissed that you're spying, she'll accuse you of controlling behaviour and it will be a MAJOR LB. It may give you satisfaction for about 5 seconds, but that will be it.
Use the intelligence wisely... <p>Now, there might be folks on this forum who will adhere to the 'total radical honesty' policy. It's your call. In my case, the overwhelming advice I've got was the above. I reacted according to it and am quite happy with progress (e.g., a couple of days ago I intercepted an email where WW told OM she was disappointed in him, that she wanted to break relationship off.... also intercepted some emails from him where he committed major LBs, like mentioning suicice. Fog still there, but thickness seriously reduced from several miles to a couple of hundred yards)<p>Good Luck

WB;
In principle, I agree with Nick123. However, I don't know all your story or what has happened before so it's hard to give advice.<p>So I'll tell you what the general opinion is around here.<p>IF the confrontation can be used to end the A, then you should confront her. Conventional wisdom says that is what is likely to happen. And many times it does. Sometimes it doesn't.<p>However, if you do it more than a couple of times, and she still does not end it, then you know the confrontation is not useful and you should stop doing it. At that point, use the info only as a tool for yourself; to help you make decisions about your life, to watch for signs of the A ending, etc.

I would have to agree with Nick, if you throw out accusations without knowing 100% that will just make her defensive. I would keep snooping, and use the information as a tool for yourself. I am a FWS and a BS(H had revenge A), and when I was still in the "fog" and H confronted me it made me very defensive and made me think of better ways to hide my A. When my H made accusations that I knew he couldn't prove they were easy to defend and made it eaiser for me to stay in the fog.