I am the bs and have been reading here for quite some time. and after the initial shock of H's EA and quite a few lengthy Email and Ims with the OW I quite miss the OW. Besides the fact that her and my H got emotionally attached... we had some great conversations and even think alike. I feel (now that I have the Experience) thati could talk with her about her own troubled marriage. I wondr if this is cause i lack female companionship except for family.<p>[ May 22, 2002: Message edited by: Then_What ]</p>

No you are not demented. I had a similar experience on a larger scale. <p>My H had affairs with 10 women he met on the Internet. There were 20 other women on his ‘buddy list’ who I also contacted. For the first few weeks after d-day I chatted/phone/emailed all of them quite a bit. They were, for the most part very nice to me. Took my side. I sort of ‘bonded’ with the. I had some of the same thoughts you expressed here.<p>You see he’d lied to them all. Each thought he was single and that she was the only one. So I did not hold any animosity towards them. At first…….. <p>But then something started to happen. Every one of them promised me that they would not contact him again. Yet they all did. They all offered to be a shoulder for him to cry on in healing his marriage. What they did not know is that by then he was asking me to sit there with him and read his emails and chats. It was his way to show me that he was being honest. I in turn let him sit with me and read my chats/emails to them. <p>It was very interesting for us to watch them trying to play each of us against the other. To watch them try to use me to get info on him and to get him to communicate with them. My H had a real eye opener on how nice a woman can be to a man and how nasty and manipulative she can be to another woman.<p>So here these women were telling me one thing, asking me question about how things were going. They were also asking my advice for their sad lives, raising their kids, etc. All the while they were collecting info from me and using it to try to engage my H further. Each one of them expressed that he must have married me for something other then love as they (he and she) were in love; they were soul mates (barf… how many soul mates can one person have?). I made sure they all knew that there were 9 others. I made sure they knew that he’d been dishonest to so many. But that did not deter them.<p>In the end, when he told them that he is committed to our marriage and when they could no longer reach him, they started to turn on me. One by one, they told me that they had feelings too and wanted to continue their affair with my H. I stopped communicating with them when they started getting hurtful and ugly to me.<p>There are times I wish I had just given his entire buddy list to all of them. It would have been quite a show to watch.<p>My advice to you? Start making some woman friends who do not have designs on your H. This woman will probably try to use you to get to your H.

Zoro
Thank you for replying to my post.<p>I do not actually know if a friendship (online mind you) would be such a bad thing.... H has done a 180 and despises XOW for being manipulative and sneaky. Of course i would NEVER NEVER email her first although she is on my buddy list..... Every now and then she emails H which get forwarded to my inbox just asking how he is and stuff. This was an EA mind you ... but thus far neither of us have replied to her.<p>WE have now moved far away form the OW and chances of H talking to her again is slim at best .<p>If she happens to email I just might reply to her this time, depending on the nature of her email<p>Do you think this would be a bad thing to maintain a friendship with H,s XOW?

I'm in this same boat right now. OW is H's step-cousin, and I thought she was my best friend. In a way, I miss her terribly. <p>HOWEVER--she promised me to end contact with H even if he called her. Since then, they've talked 3 times (H told me). She emailed me that she's praying for me and H, hopes everything is going well, etc., and at the same time she's calling him every once in awhile, AFTER she promised me she wouldn't.<p>So, no, I don't think you can be friends with OW...even though it hurts...

just a note to mention that I never met this XOW i have only talked to her online after the EA<p>So how weird is this

2 words-Steer Clear

It Probrably wouldnt be advisable.
However everyone is entitled to do things their own way.<p>I am sure there are alot of females her who would gladly befriend you for online conversation if that is what you are looking for
good luck in you decisions

Actually I think it's not an uncommon experience to bond in a weird sort of way with TOW. You share something with that person that you share with no one else. They know your WS in a way that nobody else knows him but you.<p>I'd advise against such a relationship, but I think it's normal to have the feeling.

T-W
your not crazy.. but I would steer clear,
my husband has spent many a day meeting women off the net.. I eve had one call to tell me that her morals were so high she would never do that to a married man.... she was helping him through MY cancer. ugh please sick sick sick, he had just been in her bed an hour before,
I would stay away