Hi, <p>I am new here, and very glad to have found such a wonderful site. I only hope it is not too late for me. <p>I have managed to read the entire site cover to cover (so to speak) tonight. I may as well I have nothing else better to be doing tonight since I am alone. My H seems to have left me. He took a small bag and left after dinner without saying a word to me or our daughter. I guess that was it. The worst thing about all of this is I don't understand what is wrong. For the past eight months he has been accusing me of torrid affairs and dishonesty. These were simply fictional accounts. Today he brought up a person I dated before we were married. This one was true. It was wrong of me to date this person since he was married and only separated from his wife. I know that. I regret that I dated him with all my heart and have prayed for forgiveness. Even though it was wrong why after 16 years of marriage would something like that cause him to walk out? He said someone had mentioned it to a friend of his who told him and reminded him. He knew all of this before we married. I am really confused. I love my husband very much and don't want my marriage to end. We have stood together through so many trials by fire, never once leaving each others side. So what the heck is going on here? Has anyone else here ever had something like this happen to them? This is the worst kind of torture, watching our lives be destroyed like this and not knowing why.<p>I am sorry for the mostly incoherent post it is reflective of my thought process right now.

Hi- I just wanted you to know that there are lots of people on this board who can help you get thru this because we have been there too. I also am in a 16 yr marriage that I thought was going OK until last year all heck broke loose and H moved out for 6 wks saying he wanted a divorce and he was going to leave me for OW. Fortunately he changed his mind eventually. However, it is a COMMON thing for people who are having affairs to project everything onto their spouses- they do this to cope with their own guilt and confusion and bad feelings about what they themselves are doing. Please realize this is a frequent common thing even though it hurts you deeply. My H did this- everything in our marriage that he had been unhappy about suddenly became all MY fault- this is part of the 'fog state' that they refer to on here.Its a psychological defense mechanism they use to justify in their own minds that its acceptable to continue their bad behavior. Eventually they usually DO come out of it fortunately! Take care and keep posting! lifeismessy

Image,
Glad you found us. LIM is right. Usually when one spouse starts accusing the other it is because they are doing the thing they are accusing the other of. Simply put, he may be having an affair.<p>Sorry you have to be here, but it's a good learning place.<p>E

Thank you for your support. When I read some of the others problems here I feel as if though I should be grateful that this is all that is happening in my life. I have stopped and taken time to remember to thank God for all that he has given me. This still feels like a weight that heavy enough to crush me, but now I think I may just have to grow stronger. <p>My husband did come home this morning and we spoke, even if he would not "talk" to me. I have no idea where he was or what he was doing. I almost think that you guys may be right. It at least would explain things somewhat to me. I almost think it would be a relief to know that it was another W. Now I just think he seems to have grown to hate me. He can be such a wonderful H when he chooses to be. I don't want to lose him, and don't plan on just sitting back and letting it happen. He is gone again now and I don't know if he will be back tonight or not. My Father just had surgery and is staying with me for a few days as of today so I may have to do some fancy explaining to him. I don't want him to worry. <p>Thank you all for the words. They make me feel less alone now. <p>Image

Hi,
I'm new here also. You received some great words of wisdom. There are also some books that seem really good that were written by Willard Harley. I myself have ordered two, plan to order more when these are done. They seem like they are very good. My H blames me for everything that is wrong with us also. The last time I had my hair cut, he tried to imply that I was getting ready for a date (my stylist always styles my hair after it is cut, so this is not new to him). Hang in their, and good luck.