OK. I need help figuring out what is going on. My story is in this link http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=37&t=017348
or see my sig line for the quickie.<p>To update, up until one week ago my WH was convinced he no longer loved me and was in love with OW, wanted a separation, major fog. We were even talking about selling the house. I was/am still Plan A'ing and doing a fairly good job. We talked before he left on a trip and I told him that I love him, wanted him but would let him go if that is what he really wanted(not that I could keep him). I also told him that I would only want him back if he thought of me as #1. We talked about a lot of things with no LB's. <p>Well, he went away for a business trip for a week. The day after he came back he told me he had missed me (this surprised him), we kissed and held each other and later had SF and he moved back into our room. For the first time since before D-day he told me he loves me. PA has been over but EA has continued in a modified sense. They have been trying to distance themselves, but we know how well that works. They are coworkers so see each other there. I also know they talked daily while he was away and he wrote in his journal all about missing her. But since he's been home he's been very loving and affectionate, calling me during the day, going into work late, rushing home after. <p>So what do you think? I am of course ecstatic but I don't trust this right now. We have had some R talk but I don't really want to push it because for him that's an LB. He says that he is more committed now to working on R. But he still has strong feelings for OW. We did talk about how hard this is for him and I tried to be understanding. I don't feel that we are in recovery because of this continued EA with her. I don't feel that he is ready for "no contact" yet -- meaning if pushed, he might still choose her not to mention he would feel LB'd (hates ultimatums and being told what to do). I'm treading very carefully right now, making big love bank deposits which is fairly easy right now. Anyone have opinions or thoughts? What should I do next?<p>SS

one day at a time...<p>it sounds very good, but you are right to be wary... <p>if agreeable, I'd say time to negotiate for some type of couples group or counseling... going to church and couple's Bible study worked for my H and we are negotiating to more at this point...<p>are you in marriage counseling or individual counseling? I'd recommend some professional advice at this point... sounds like you need a firm plan to implement.<p>Hugs,
Cali

I'm with Cali on this one....try to find a good m counselor and/or individual counselor. Sometimes we just cant do these things alone.<p>Our counselor helped us quite a bit. MB is great, you get good info from books, but there is something about having a neutral unbiased educated person to help get the lines of communication open in a healthy way.<p>My fwh and I tried to do it ourselves at first. 1st month was like a honeymoon---then withdrawel really set in and contact was made again. We had never resolved the issues that had gotten us to that place in our relationship. <p>We can't just sweep things under the rug and forget. A good counselor can help you work any issues and can help through the rough times be it together or separate from your spouse. <p>We are doing pretty good now. I have not been to ic for a month but think I may go back. I still need to work through a few more things. It is nice to know she is there if I/WE need her. <p>So, go get help---even if you do it by yourself it will be helpful for you to try to heal your heart. They can give you some different perspective and understanding.<p>Hugs & prayers to ya!
hbh

2-3 days were great, then as predicted WH started to distance himself. Over the weekend he told me he needed some space. He didn't mind me being affectionate but he couldn't always return it. To me it sounds like "space" means room for privacy and more lies. Then, last night, he spent all night away from me downstairs writing in his journal. I asked him what was going on but he wouldn't tell me. Do you think this need for space and privacy is appropriate given what is going on? I feel like there's an element of dishonesty here. **Sigh** Then I Lb'd this AM by looking for his journal. When I couldn't find it I called him and accused him of being dishonest.
You're right about needing counselling. Unfortunately, the options in this area are slim. I am working on getting in to the third counsellor right now.
I need to remember my Plan A right now.
Thanks for listening.
SS