hello all-i really need help understanding this. my wh is 32 yrs old and going through a mid-life crisis. this is his term, not mine. i dont understand this. he has had some health issues-neck problems, cholesterol, nothing major-well the neck thing is pretty painfull. his brother-15 yrs. older-has lost most of his hair,now my husband is obsessed with this. he has a great head of hair, thinning ever so slightly-and i do mean slightly, and i know, i do hair. this is not serious looking-needs no intervention from my field. he seems very consumed with the whole mid-life thing-i just dont get it. age never affected me, i dont dread b-days. i never really thought about myself in the way he thinks about himself.<p>now my dillema is i dont understand it and have no idea how to help, or support him with this. i also guess im feeling a little down because i will never have the body of a trophy wife. so i guess im scared for what this may mean for me too.<p>can anyone help me with this?

well, I'm not a guy [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] ...<p>but...<p>have you checked out www.midlife.com ?<p>or www.divorcebusting.com ? Weiner-Davis's second book, Divorce Remedy has a chapter devoted to MLC and how to deal w/ it and her bulletin board has a separate forum for it.<p>hugs,
Cali

I'm sorry I don't think I can realy help you with this. I have never realy worried about birthdays or my appearence (yes I'm loosing a little hair, but still have plenty). My WW on the other hand is obsessed with her appearence, even though she is a knockout.<p>IMHO the obsession your WH has is related to all he is feeling about the things that have gone on in your marriage. With my WW (who still won't talk about the A) I think it is related to her feeling that I rejected her or need to feel good about herself. I try to tell her that I like the way she looks, etc. and that is all I can think of doing.<p>I would appreciate other oppinions on this subject not just from a male perspective but for women who are showing the same signs.<p>BTW my wife has stated that she likes the way I look (except now she thinks I am too skinny - I have lost 23 pounds in the last two months, but my weight is stable now).

dear cali-thanks for the links-ill check them out when i get home from work.<p>dear onwards-thanks for the insight. im just finding out how vain he really is, its scary. now hes bringing home all kinds of new sports cars and convertibles.

I'm a guy, and my own odometer just turned over recently. So I'll give you my perspective for what it's worth.<p>I'm not the type that generally stresses about my age or appearance, but I have paid more attention to the latter recently (can't do a thing about my age). In my own case I think it's a natural reaction to feeling rejected by my wife. Working out more often also makes me feel good, and gives me something constructive to focus on while waiting to see what will happen in my marriage. <p>In your H's case it might be a self-esteem issue. Perhaps he's dealing with a lot of guilt, and just isn't very happy with who he is. I think anytime a person starts looking to make big changes in their life it's a sign (obviously) that they're dissatisfied with some aspect of it.<p>I'm not sure there's much you can do to help. Do you think he feels like you're unhappy with him, or do you think it's just him unhappy with himself? Maybe the best thing you can do is try to figure out, and help him figure out, just what it is that he wants to change and why. It has to be deeper than his hair or the car he drives. <p>I think you have every reason to be concerned. If he can't get to the root of what he feels is wrong or missing in his life he may erroneously conclude that you or your marriage is the problem.<p>Good luck with this. I hope the information that Cali pointed you to is helpful.

dear lester-thanks for the insight, all helps. i need to talk to him about this, i know that. only he can tell me what he is going through. i dont believe it has to do with him questioning my love for him-but then again....<p>i have been thinking about this all day and im about to vent here so be patient with me, its so i dont say these things to him.<p>i would really like to explain a mid life crisis in my terms to my hubby...wake up to a marriage that is just exhisting, have father and stepson at each others throat and always get caught in the middle, have all the anguish of that tear you up daily, then get up to find out that your beloved is having an affair with a younger woman, whose body i will never attain and i will never feel as confident in my body again because i know you prefer that. i will never be that standard. have your last 3-4 years be a lie, get diagnosed with post traumatic stress and live on pills to get through the day. repeatedly get your heart ripped out of your chest and still decide to forgive the person for doing it. decide to stay and repair marriage and be the only one working on it. give the person chance after chance to have them complain about their hair. does this put it all into perspecive for ya!!! wlcome to my mid-life crisis--add in i have no idea what tomorrow will bring!!!<p>
thanks all i needed to get that out!

Nikk- <p>I couldnt have said it better myself! My WH is also 32 and having what is called a Mid-Life crisis - It sometimes amazes me the things that come out of there mouths. I think mid-life crisis is just another word for losing there minds, hurting us, and just being down right selfish!

i just dont understand it all-but im not that way. maybe ive always been to confident. i dont worry about those things, or i never did. i mean he//, i had my first son at 24-any guys have any idea what that does to your body??? i guess it annoys me because i am questioning my body now...

I have a book to recommend - "Renew Your Marriage at Midlife" by Steve Brody Ph.D. and Cathy Brod, M.S. <p>It's worth the read, helps explain some things about relationships and midlife. The web site that was recommened is good too.<p>I thought that my XH was going through one too - mainly just searching for happiness, and thinks he now found it in OW, however, he'll learn that she's just a temporary fix.<p>I think that the are afraid to face some of their insecurities about growing old, life, whatever and so they are trying to deal with it the best way they can without looking weak, or maybe they try to ignore it by filling their lives with other things. <p>When I have my midlife crisis I'll know more, but I plan to live to be 100 so I've go a few more years until mny midlife. K

dear god is in control-thanks for the suggestion-ill have to find that book. this is all so confusing to me. i guess im happy with me for the most part, a few minor adjustments wouldnt hurt. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] ill get the book this weekend. thanks