Hi all. Well it's been 3 years past the end of the A and things are going great! Actually it's 3 years and afew months but I count the new beginning from the last time we heard from the OW. And we have passed that mark. I realize it's time for me to leave MB and stop being "in recovery" and just be "recovered". I hope I've been able to help some people and we've had some great discussions, I've learned a lot too. I've called "em like I see 'em and don't sugarcoat anything and I know that has rubbed some people the wrong way (especially afew FWS who still want to justify their actions) but that's me and I make no apologies for that, I'm a realist.
I do want to give encouragement to those who are still struggling. My situation seemed totally hopeless. My husband's heart was hard as a rock and he was DEEP in the fog. His exact words the night he left "We will NEVER get back together, so don't even think it." Now he tells me almost every day that the couldn't live without me, we've had 2 beautiful babies and we have never been closer. Things turned out far better than either of us ever imagined possible.
The fog can lift when you least expect it, but it's almost always a roller coaster. Plan A does work. It's hard, and it's not 100%, but it's definitely your best shot. Don't keep it up for longer than you can bear though, there may come a time when you have to go to Plan B for your own self preservation. But YOU will know when that time is, don't let anyone else force you into it before you feel that you are ready. I had so many people tell me to give up. But I wasn't ready, and I'm very thankful I didn't listen. Listen to and weight the advice of others, but follow your own heart. Don't let anyone, in real life or on this site, tell you that you are obligated to do certain things or feel a certain way. It's your life and you are the person who has to live it. Only you know what is best for you.
Don't despair if recovery seems hard at first. It is. That first year is really hard (and the first 6 months can really suck) but it DOES get better. I went from having almost everything be a trigger to only having a few. And even those don't hurt me nearly as bad now. Trust will come back (slowly). It will probably nver be unconditional trust again, but that's not necessarily a bad thing IMO.
Even if it doesn't work out Plan A really does make you a better person. Much more in touch with yourself and the feelings of those around you. Very valuable life skills for anyone to have.
So I just want to say that I wish you all the best of luck. I've laughed and cried with many of you (it's amazing the sense of empathy you get for other BS when you've been there yourself). I hope everything works out for the best and you all get the happiness you deserve. In case anyone needs anything that I can help with you can contact me at fairydust77@hotmail.com. Time to just get out there and live life!<p>[ May 23, 2002: Message edited by: fairydust ]</p>
