How do you finally know when it's time to throw in the towel ? I mean the fog is so thick with the WS that she can't even answer SIMPLE questions. She doesn't even think that what she had was an affair....!!! <p>How do you know that it's time to cut your loses and try to deal with it all and go on with life ? Everyone says you will know....but how do you know for certain ? <p>Just curious !!

SD,
Basically I would describe it as the day you can leave with no tears and no regrets. The day you cannot take anymore and know in your heart that you have done everything in your power(including just "waiting") to change the course of your marriage and it has failed.<p>MHO only.....<p>[ May 23, 2002: Message edited by: Heartpain ]</p>

I think Heartpain has about summed it up. I think it is when you can walk away without guilt, or resentment. When you know you have done everything within your power and you can leave without regrets that you didn't try.<p>I don't know if it helps you or not but I would like to let you know that what you are going through seems to be normal for the crazy situation--I have seen and heard all of that from ws. <p>It seemed utterly hopeless to me that the fog would ever lift. I wondered if the person I knew and loved would ever return--because this person standing before me was not the man I loved and married. BUT it DID LIFT! THANK GOD! It was pure hell to get to there but it happened.<p>My h & I are doing great ( i think ) in recovery now; almost 10 mths after d-day. I also am a much stronger person now. I want this m to work, but I know in my heart that if he were to change his mind, and slip again, that I could walk away and know I would be ok. <p>Mostly because I feel I did my part and gave it my all. I feel like I am being the best wife I can be to him now, and if he were to walk away again I know I could survive this time--pride and self worth intact. <p>Do what you feel is right for you. Do you feel you have done all you can and given it enough time? Also, have you tried Marriage/individual counseling or are you trying to do this alone?
I ask cuz I know that alone is a very hard way to try...<p>hugs & prayers to ya

Sad Dad-<p>IMHO, the waiting part that Heartpain mentions is crucial. If you can step back and take a mental/emotional break from all of it and try and see it from a different perspective, it will help you determine if it really is time to move on. I vaguely remember your story, could you give a quick run-down of what has happened, maybe some other MB-ers can help you out, give you suggestions or so.<p>There were many times that I wanted to give up, but it seemed that when I reached those points, God would kick me in the back side and tell me to hang on, it isn't my decision to make. Glad I listened to him because things seem to be moving ever so slowly forward. Just like fighting for the M, you gotta fight to give up, thats the only way your going to know if it was the right decision to make.

Hey! Don't give up until you fight "FIRE WITH FIRE"!!!!!<p>Check out (HEY SATAN......(BITE THIS)!<p>(((((((HUGS))))))) [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

Hmmm....I don't think anyone really knows for sure when. The hope it doesn't come to that is so strong. <p>Whatever choices we make for ourselves, we have to know within ourselves that we can handle the consequence of those choices, whether good or bad.

AFTER YOU HAVE DONE EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER TO MAKE IT WORK....I would say. Everyone sets their own heart and soul time limit. It could be a few hours or a few years. <p>If you choose to let go.....and you can, ONLY with a 100% surety for yourself and your situation, know that letting go is the best thing for the both of you and your children, if any, then that is the time. <p>Letting go is putting it into God's, the spirit of light's, or whatever divine being you believe in, hands. Even just believing enough in yourself may be the one you trust it to. If you believe in God and you ask Him for help, believe me, He will lead you the rest of the way...wherever that may lead you.<p>Just my thoughts.
INTHECLOUDS<p>[ May 23, 2002: Message edited by: INTHECLOUDS320 ]<p>[ May 23, 2002: Message edited by: INTHECLOUDS320 ]</p>

How far along into all of this are you (or should I say is she)? I didn't lable what OM and I had as an affair either for quite some time. We didn't have sex, so it wasn't an affair. Well...I came to realize it was an emotional affair and that was just as damaging. It took me a long time though to "figure it all out". Time on my own really showed me all the things my H CONTRIBUTED to my life, and all the ways in which I was responsible for my own unhappiness.