My husband is actively involved in an affair....we've couseled with private doctors and Steve Harley...My H is not willing to give her up and refuses to speak with anyone else including Steve. I've Planned A now for almost five months...we've been getting along well and began having SF a month and as half ago as this is supposedly his most important EN. He hasn't been with the OW for three weeks now but I know he's promising they will be together soon. He told me he had no plans to go see her so I believe he is either lieing to me or to her or both. He hasn't told her we are sleeping together again because it would upset and anger her. I don't know whether to tolerate another trip to see the OW and allow him back into my life and home. I originally discussed an end of June cutoff for Plan A and he agreed to decide by that time when his company's fiscal year winds down. My understanding though was, he would not travel to see her until then, spend time to reconnect with his children and with me. My heart is breaking but if I ask him to go it won't be easy....I'll have to proceed with legal steps that will involve the OW as well. I don't know if I should wait until the school year ends and we get family events and weddings out of the way early in June.
I guess it depends on how much I can tolerate but it will be so hard to have him go to her after we've been so intimate and I feel so vulnerable.
I don't know what to do...I think some days I'm holding out for a marriage that is doomed and then I remember how much I've loved him for 32 years and I don't want to give up on it for my sake and my girls' sakes. Does anyone know what they would do? When is enough, enough?
Thanks,
Wintergal

WG,<p>Plan A: FOCUS ON YOU...DON'T LOVE BUSTER!!<p>It seems to me you have made a plan already. You have your deadline for end of Plan A set...meaning you plan on going onto Plan B? <p>If it does, mind you, Plan A continues long into Plan B, then you should follow through. Do you think that maybe he is waiting to see if you stick to your word when the deadline comes? (Don't LB)
--OR--
When the time comes, he'll say he doesn't have an answer yet....you'll give him more time...hence continues the roller coaster ride...yo-yo.....more fog...ya-da,ya-da,ya-da. Are you ready for that? (Don't LB)<p>If you make a plan, you make goals for yourself, you make the choices for yourself, or you make demands, you HAVE TO be prepared for the outcome, consequences, resolution, or what have you. (Don't LB) <p>I also think your wh SHOULD experience some consequences for his actions. If you've told him the consequences then you know what you need to do. (Don't LB!)<p>Read up on Plan A and Plan B, LBing, continue counseling for yourself, continue to post here (THANK GOD FOR MB), and get the many books that MBers will recommend (if you haven't already), and LIVE! Your life as you know it does not have to end because of his A. It is just changed. Plan A is the time to focus on you. Don't give him anymore power, but be nice about it. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] (Don't LB)<p>FOCUS ON YOU!!!!(and DON'T LB!)
Just my thoughts.
INTHECLOUDS

ITC
Thanks for replying....I don't know somedays if I'm strong enough to follow through...he probably will ask for more time, he's continuously holding the money card over my head..."We can't afford to keep two residences"...."You find me an apartment if you want me to leave so badly". He's threatened to pull all the money and run if I push him away from her. My lawyer told me that H would more than likely be made to support the girls and me in our current lifestyle( I have two minor children at home) I just want our life back, together and safe and healthy. He wants our life also, as long as he can have the sl***t too. What happens to a loving sane man during his mid fifties that makes him cause so much pain to his wife of 30 years and their children. I just don't understand how he could do this to me after all we've been to each other. It's so amazing to me that he can take all his love and give it to some immoral divorcee with two daughters of her own who carries on with my H right in front of her eight year old baby. My H thinks she's such a wonderful mother that he sent her a beautiful flower arrangement on the twelve and the mother of his children didn't even get a card. What's going on in his head? Why don't I deserve any respect after all I've done for him and our children? The pain is so bad today, I could barely get through work. How can I get the fog to clear and help him see what a mistake he's making before he loses everything? God is giving me more than I can handle these days...I don't know how much more I can take.
Wintergal