Well I'm pretty new here, so here is my full story. Sorry about the length.<p>Well I will be married 5 years this fri. With my W 7 yrs. This last 6 months I have been working full time and going to night class. I was perfectly happy until 2 months or so ago, that's when I came home from school and found my wife passed out drunk on the bathroom floor, crying and saying she was not in love with me anymore.<p>While I sometimes did ignore her (spending too much time on computer, I work in Information Technology), I had no idea things were this bad. We have no children and don't plan on it, except our cat, who we think of as a daughter. We've always been very close just enjoying each other. She's always told me that she never knew happiness until me. There was a family tragedy about a week before this that I was not really there for her as I typically am. I just was caught up in work and school and myself and I regret it. Well that was a Wed. about 2 months ago, she told me she wanted to move out. The next day after thinking about being apart she said she did not want to move out and wanted to work on things.<p>Well that Fri. she gets a call in the middle of the night from some guy from work. She opens up and tells me this is some guy that is attracted to her and she is attracted to. (in acutallity they had already had a PA that ealier in the week on mon.) She says she doesn't know what she wants, and while she thinks what we had was great, she thinks there could be something better out there. The next day (Sat.) she tells me she needs to clear her head, while I go to work she goes to OM's house and eventually tells him they need to end it. Then comes home and tells me that she was wrong and we are going to work on things.<p>The next two weeks are great. OM quits his job (they worked together, he was going to quit anyway). We spend time together and really do have a wonderfull time. At the end of these two weeks on a mon. we meet at home for lunch and she is all over me, showing attraction that had not been there in years. Well we eat our lunch and I am thinking I will hurry home from class so we can be together. Well when I get home she is gone, and she left her cell phone at home. I start calling all around and getting no where. After a few hours I start calling hostpitals to see if she had been in an accident. I still completly trusted her at this point. When she finally comes home she gives me some lame excuse which I totally buy and we go on. <p>Well the next couple of weeks I notice that she is being totataly distant. Finally on a Fri night 4/26. Someone calls her on her cell (we had just gotten new cells during that first two weeks when we were pretty happy). It is OM, I here his voice, so I know she had to have given the number after she said it was over and he quit her work. We get into a big fight and she goes to spend the night with OM.<p>She comes home the next morning and tells me that she got drunk over there and slept on the couch, but she also tells me that the mon. she was missing she was really with him and that she had a PA with him that night. She tells me she can't leave him because she likes the way he makes her feel. I tell her I can forgive her, but I can't share her. She tells me that I will always have this over her and she can't give him up. I leave and go spend the night with a friend.<p>The next morning I go home to shower and she tells me she can't be without me. I ask her to either call him and tell him it's over or write him a letter. I also told her to tell him the truth (she had told him we were seperated). I leave to get advice from a friend (bad idea, he tells me not to take her back without making her jump through major hoops). She calls him and tells him it's over while I'm gone. When I get home I still ask for a letter so I could mail it (a very good NC letter for not knowing about MB principles). I mail the letter and change all of our phone numbers.<p>Well, the first week after D-day I proceed to LB the H*** out of her. Toward the end of the week I found MB, but don't really buy into it at first, plus the damage is already done. She gives him a letter telling him to disregard the NC letter because I forced her to do it (I didn't force it was just a condition of us trying to work it out). Fortunatly I think he has had enough of her fence sitting and doesn't contact her. Well that first weekend after D-day goes bad and she leaves Sun to look for and apt. and also tries to call him (she still doesn't know I know about this, but this is after we had the numbers changed). She also tells me everything before she leaves, about the first time she had PA with him way back and then also that the fri. night she says she slept on couch she actaully slept with him and of course had sex. After she comes back from looking for apt. We both start crying and open up. She says she doesn't want to move out. We both say we forgive each other and we will put this behind us. We make love passionatly again and seem truley happy for the first time in a long time.<p>The next week is full of ups and downs but I do go to the doctor and get anti-depressents. Well that Sun. we are watching a movie and there is a bit of nudity, a women's breasts. She covers my eye's when it happens (this is something she always used to do and I always thought it was cute). Well I totally lose it later, I tell here that by doing that she was being a total hipocrit. I totally LB her and say some really nasty things I regret. I just lost it.<p>Well, that does it and she is back to doubting her decision to stay. I apologize and she says she forgives me, but she really doesn't and goes and puts down a deposit on an apt. without telling me. Well I go back to MB and start reading. I buy SAA and read it in a day. I start acting better, but she still hasn't forgiven me, even though she says she has. This was last week. We go out to a comedy show that Fri. night (3 weeks after d-day) and she does some pretty good drinking. When we get home she sneeks outside and tries to call OM while I am in the bathroom. I catch her and start to get mad, but quickly stop myself and just try to talk to her. She doesn't want to listen to me and she LB's me pretty hard, but I now know of the fog and just try to understand. <p>By the next morning we are talking and I convence her that I didn't mean the things I said last weekend. She says that she has feelings of us being okay and in love, but they fade by the next morning. Well, we try again and have a great Sat. She agree's not to move out and to do everything possible to avoid contact with OM. She tells me about the letter she sent OM after the NC letter, but she doesn't want to send him another NC letter or change cell phone number again because she doesn't think it is necessary.
She says she realizes she is addicted to him and will try to not answer if he calls her.<p>Well Sat. was really pretty good, and Sun. was better. Sun we really couldn't keep our hands off each other all day. It really was a great rest of the weekend. We came to some real understanding. Well by Mon. it seemed the happiness had faded, but came back some that evening. By, Tues. that passion was gone. Fri. is our anniversary. I have been sneeking flowers in her car while she is at work all week. Mon. and Tues she thanked me, but Wed. and today not even one thank you. I am having a big boquet delivered to her office tommorow and we are going out to dinner so we will see. I hope our anniversary goes well and then on Sat. and Sun we are taking my nephews on a trip, so we will see how it goes.<p>I think her fog is starting to lift as long as I don't LB her. I just find it hard that I have to work so hard at winning her heart back, when she is really doing very little to win mine back. I will give it this weekend and maybe next week to make some more Love Deposits before I try to negotiate with her about our joint needs. Right now she just wants to forget about it and move on. That's fine as long as we both work on the marriage. Right now I think I am making some good Love Deposits, but she is making more withdrawls thant deposits in my Love Bank. I just want to give it a little longer before I bring it up.<p>So, I guess I'm doing okay, but realize the road is long and hard. I am helped by the fact that OM seems to not want anything to do with my W now, although next week he will be showing up to her work for his final bonus check. Last time he went in the back door so he wouldn't run into her, but I don't know how to handle it if he doesn't do that this time.<p>I will just take it day by day. Sorry my post was so long, but thanks for listining.<p>[ May 23, 2002: Message edited by: StillCan'tBelieveIt ]</p>
