Hi, all. <p>As in most affairs, my FWH tended to lie or grossly exagerate what was happening in our marriage to the OW (#1 - #3) so he wouldn't look like such a horrible person to them. I talked to both OW#1 and OW#2 after each D-Day, and got to set the record straight on a few things. OW#1 thought we were "almost" separated, that I hated sex, that I refused counseling...that kind'a thing. She was surprised when I told her I'd been trying for months to figure out what was wrong (what I was doing wrong), and begging him to go to marriage counseling if he couldn't open up to me. He kept saying "It's not you, it's me". OW#1 was really ticked about being lied to and used like that (poor thing). <p>Pretty much the same thing with OW#2....<p>OW#3 situation was an EA, tho FWH won't admit it. MANY calls to/from cell phone, lunches when he was "working", lies of omission...that kind'a thing. Tho she knows EXACTLY what I think about the situation (caught them red-handed at lunch, I made a scene [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] ), I've never talked to her directly. H hasn't had contact with her since D-Day. <p>What bothers me is that H has admitted that they'd talked some about our relationship, and she knew he "wasn't happy". He claims he can't remember what was said or how often they discussed me/us, which I think is bullpucky. <p>Anyway, it's been almost a year since D-Day with OW#3, and I still feel humiliated knowing that she thinks I'm a terrible wife and he's so pitifully unhappy with me. I want her to know that we're happy and in love and have sex almost every day! The situation with her started just as it did with OW#1: Everything was peachy, then he suddenly withdrew from us after he met her. He flat refused to discuss what was wrong and why he seemed so "unhappy".)<p>Boy this is getting long.....sorry!<p>So, back to my question. Did any of you BS get to set the OP straight on the facts? Did it help with the feeling of humiliation that goes with being a BS? <p>Thanks SO MUCH for any input! <p>at peace (mostly)<p>[ May 28, 2002: Message edited by: at peace ]</p>

I tried but she didn't believe me. She said she knew better than to believe what I had to say. <p>Well, I can't make her believe me but I did ask WH to write her the no contact letter in which he set her straight. And if she thinks I made him write it well all the proof is he stayed with me.

yep... I e-mailed her, which led to d day #2, and then we talked on the phone. It was an EA after d-day #1 and she was putting pressure on him to leave me by "march" or else. WH just let her think whatever. Anyhow when I asked about using protection, she said "I'm on the pill." (Grrrr stupid STUPID) and I said "well I'm not and we've been having sex daily if not more frequently." (true) She just giggled. I set a few other things straight when she would say things like "He swore we would be together." I would counter with "That's funny since he has been begging me to renew our wedding vows." (true)

uburnd & we'rtrying:<p>Had computer problems and wasn't able to get back sooner. Thanks so much for your responses. <p>Did you (or any other BS out there) find that you felt better or more free (not sure that's the word I'm looking for) after speaking to the OP? Did telling her the truth about you help with the feelings of humiliation, etc.? <p>I really look forward to some more input. Thanks.<p>at peace

Mostly yes! I spoke with OW in person and on the phone. It made me realize a lot of the negative stuff that my H told OW about me that wasn't all true. I just needed to know the truth about everything. <p>The last conversation we had on the phone was horrible until I finally told her that "I will always love my husband and that I would fight for what God gave us, for what was rightfully mine" She hung up on me after that, but It made me feel good. I could argue with her forever, but speaking the truth changed something in me! I know it made her fight harder, but it also made her angry at my H which caused a lot of problems for them. <p>Personally, I needed to talk to OW. I had many chances and I took them. Doesn't necessary mean that it will help, most likely it will only allow the WH to defend her even more.