Well last night after seven months of me plan A'ing my butt of my wife says she wants to move out. I asked as if move out so you can gather your thoughts, need space, time, etc.. She says no "I am moving out as in a seperation". So basically she is saying nothing but divorce.
So the question I have is do I throw in the towel? Do I call it quits? Or do I say fine move out and after say six months (Plan B) we can talk again and then see where we are at on a divorce or not.
I am so worn out from all of this. This is the hardest things I have had to deal with in my life. It is hard to keep my head high when I feel so much pain inside. On top of all that this is pain caused by someone who was by my side for almost nine years.
Does anyone suggest anything before I just loose it and really give my wife a piece of my mind. The hurt inside of me just is ready to just ring her neck for what she has done and how she has treated me.
We both go to the counselor together on Saturday but I am not going to hear anything different from my wife but divorce.<p>HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I do think it is time for "Tough Love"/Plan B. I do NOT recommend giving her 6 months to gather her thoughts or else she will just think WhooooHoooo I'm free to do whatever I want for 6 months. I think Plan B is "no contact" - let them live it day by day, week by week, month by month. She may turn around in 3 weeks, she may turn around in 2 months, she may turn around in 6 months or maybe even never turn around. BUT if you give her the 6 month time table you will never know if she would've turned around in 3 weeks or 2 months, do you see it? Start writing your Plan B letter to perserve your love for her. Then its on to "no contact". You've already layed the ground work with Plan A. IMHO, Plan B is way more of a success rate than Plan A BUT if you were LB before Plan A you have to show her what she will be missing.

ditto what she said [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>And please don't give her a piece of your mind, k?<p>Reading your post is so painful. I KNOW how you feel. Honestly. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] THis pain WILL subside.... <p>GIve yourself a big hug. Talk to us. Your marriage may not truly be over. So don't quit. <p>Have you already written a Plan B letter? If not, get to work so we can help you with it. Are you ready for Plan B? <p>What's weird, is when my X moved out "for good", after handing me D papers, I continued Plan A. I felt like I hadn't had much oppurtunity to demonstrate PLan A, so I continued so he would really know the loving, safe environment he was leaving. I know it had an impact because he commented on it on moving day. ALso, he just confessed to me the other day, that OW was jumping on his case at our continued contact after he moved out. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] That bothered him - for her to talk bad about me. haha! nanny nanny boo-boo. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>DOn't throw in the towel. Let these emotions subside a little, and we'll help you think through this. Start working on a Plan B letter - just in case, but otherwise - remain calm, cool and collected (on the outside!! - I KNOW you're not on the inside!!) DUcks look so smooth and calm on top of the water, but underwater, their little feet are paddlin like crazy!<p>[ May 24, 2002: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</p>

confused_guy,
Man, I feel bad for you. I know the MB purists would tell you your plan A is not to get her to come to her senses, but it has to hurt.<p>I think I remember that your W often gets drunk and has to be carried to the car, smokes pot with other men, etc. I don't want to be accused of putting an incorrect "label" on anyone, but I'll tell you this. If your W has a problem with substanse abuse, it overshadows everything. Even her A is a subplot. <p>My W had been in treatment for drugs and stayed clean for almost a decade when she decided she wanted to go out and get high with her friends at work. Within a week or two she had sex with a co-worker. <p>My W got better but she had a lot of treatment, and she absolutely has to not use drugs or alcohol. <p>I've been rooting for you c_g because of some similarities, but I've been real concerned with what you've shared about your W's drug use. Yours is one of those cases I fear where the underlying issues must be dealt with before there is any real hope.<p>When a person decides they hate their life, and want to check out, you cant make them come back. Plan A will only prolong the agony. Your W needs to "fall" as in your sig. before she'll recognize her problem.<p>Keep posting c_g, you never know. When you let go and stop catching them, they sometimes hit bottom very quickly.<p>David

Nope, Plan B and quickly. <p>See what she thinks she will get out there in the world is not what she will get. Awh..... but the fog makes even a dump look like a castle because all the spider webs are hidden and you think you are getting more space but that's really someone eles's house but in the fog you can't see the property lines!!! <p>You need to leave plan A after you have gotten it's benefit. Namely betterment of the BS. Once that has been achieved and the WS is still out there being disrespectful to the M, then it is time to plan B or go the S or D. <p>You will find that plan B gives the BS room to grow even more. You will not have to live wondering what the WS is doing. They live outside and have take whatever comes. <p>Toughen up. You are the better person!<p>L.