He is in bed waiting for me. We had a great date tonite until a bevy of college beauties entered the bar. I felt bad. So I talked about the "elephant" under the rug.<p>He said lets talk tomorrow (we have been drinking).
Okay...good thought but I can't stop crying... I feel old...He wishes she would call...I thought he felt obligated to answer her calls...we'll talk tomorrow...what to do ....I just cry...I need strength...self confidence...how can it disappear in 2 minutes flat? Help...I need to hold on, but the tears won't stop...never mind I willjust go to bed and foget for now. I have become "comfortably numb".<p>[ May 24, 2002: Message edited by: Twinkles ]</p>

dig down deep... that strength and confidence is there.<p>sorry... not fmailiar with you yet. But wanted to let you know someone's here.<p>He's waiting for YOU. right? Not them? Not her? Can you go and be there for him?

dear twinkles-i am right there with you on this one. i know the same feelings. there is the same age difference between my hubby and me as you guys. i never even thought about it untill now. i have always been a confident woman. knowing he's having a mid-life crisis at 32 amazes me. i know i will never look like the strippers in the clubs or his ow(strangely we are same height, hair color, eye color etc. the only difference is our size and her hair is long.) i know my body isnt what it use to be, i have had 2 kids and a pretty sucky exhistence for a few years. but i am working on it for me-i get compliments all the time, feels good. have faith in yourself, you will find the strength to deal with all this.

Hi Twinkles,<p>I, too, can relate. Just last week I cried my heart out for the same reason. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I've worked hard my entire life to feel strong, competent and secure with myself. But after what my H did, it's as if I'm back to square one.<p>I've never felt so insecure and threatened before. I'm astonished at how strong the feelings are. One minute I think I'm fine and then the next - I'm feeling so depressed. <p>My H threw out his magazines for me (they never really bothered me before) and we had a long discussion about my insecurities due to the A. His empathy is helping me through this. He's trying hard not to gawk at pretty women [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I hope you're doing better today. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone and it's comforting to me to know I'm not the only one reacting this way. Thanks.<p>I hope you can talk to your H about this and that he'll help you through it. <p>H&S

Thanks guys,<p>I am feeling better today. More confident? Nah, but better. H said before he left this morning that we could talk about whatever I want today. Just let him know. (I was still in bed)<p>So I thought I would say that I know he is trying. (Thanks to some recoverers I have come to realize this [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] ) H is working on no contact, getting over withdrawal and honesty right now. I am in Plan A mode...best possible me (well not last nite) but for the most part. What I want to work on is what was wrong before the A and work on fixing that and the promise.<p>THE PROMISE<p>I promise
to care for you
to protect you
to be honest with you
and to spend time with you.<p>My question now is...can we be working on separate things...in different modes...different time lines? Will it work?

Be thankful he is there.. my h is just getting farther and farther gone... although he called me last night... and said maybe he would come over... late, you know for what! but I just dont feel like being only that... since I am getting nothing else... today is my 34th bday.... I need to lose 25+ pounds to be me again (since I had a major back injurty I am recovering from over the last 2+ yrs.. and other difficulties... )<p>My life is improving and actually his is getting worse... I know it is a bunch of a mid life crisis thing with my h... and some office slu+ made him feel good... great that she was totally skinny (only of course while I was not) and my H lost weight for her... or whatever it was... to be younger again... work hard on being good to him too.. that always helps...<p>I have a hard time not tellig my h how much he has hurt me.. and that is driving us apart... but since he does not want to make it up to me... it makes things worse... I think if I would give into sf.. things would change... but at this point.>> i do not feel he deserves it... also he has drinking problem and is way off the wagon.. not that he was ever on it.. but his new lifewtyle consists of him acting like a teenager.<p>thanks for listening to me on yuor post- I just noticed the crying - it will getr better.. live for you and take care of you!<p>Honey

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>My question now is...can we be working on separate things...in different modes...different time lines? Will it work?<hr></blockquote><p>Yes, you can, and yes, it will, and it probably is better to do it that way. I think that is the beauty of M and 2 people devoting thier lives to be together. <p>You 2 are on the same journey, but you are following different paths. These paths twist and turn, maybe they diverge in different directions and you loose sight of each other through the trees or around a bend for a while. But rest assured that they cross each other many, many times, and they also parallel each other , or even come together for a while and then you can walk togehter, hand in hand.<p>Each of us must follow our own path and let our S follow thiers and in the end, we will end up at the same place, the restoration of our M.<p>If you know that WH is trying, really trying, and his actions are consistent with that, then you shouldnt be worried about the progress he is or isnt making. I think that many times, us BS are hoping for something big to happen and we start to get impatient and frustrated when it doesnt. Then we start to push for something and that sets our recovery efforts back. <p>You had a great time last night, proof being your H waiting for you in bed, and him saying that you can talk today. So some college bimbos walked in last night, maybe his eyes wandered a bit. Us guys do that, I'll admit I do the same thing, does that mean we are looking to be unfaithful, absolutely not!<p>You know how to make your H happy, you know all his good points and bad points, your with him and he is with you, thats what really matters! There aint another woman around who can come close to meeting your H's needs like you do, thats why he loves you so much.<p>Take care, Twinkles, your doing great!

Honey - Thank you. I know he is here and that gives me a great advantage. We are coming up on the 3 week mark of no contact. I have been kinda holding my breath for that milestone to pass. Maybe that is why I am so emotional - that and PMS? I find it interesting how much our situations are the same while being totally different. I guess that is what gives me hope. The success stories all started out just like us! And they have made it! So can we!<p>BTW, I saw the lunch photo and loved it!<p>Loveherstill -<p>You write so well. And I just like what you have to say. Thank you for the encouragement. I know what I need to do, you are right. I cannot wait for the day of "hand in hand". I struggle with my own insecurity at this point. I feel old...this is new for me. I want so much to get my act together on self-confidence. Somedays I am invinceable...I can do anything. Then WHAM I am scared. Is H really trying or just lying again? That little voice from inside...protect me. Need to shake that voice!<p>I will believe. I gave it to God awhile ago and He will guide me well. He sent me here to hear your words today. I have faith, I love my H, I have a beautiful D, and I am a good person. Ijust need some help sometimes and I am grateful to have everyone at MB.<p>Thank you

Twinkles, I'm new to this site, so don't know you well yet.<p>A thought that often sustains me when I start comparing myself to others (who I think I might add) are more *whatever* (translate to younger, prettier, thinner etc) than me is this:-<p>*No matter how good she looks, someone, somewhere, is putting up with her $hit*<p>Hope this helps.

Still!! That's a good one!! I'll enjoy repeating this one to myself as needed!! Hehehe! CSue