Its 4am and I am wide awake on a Saturday morning. Just thinking about some stuff Orchid and I talk about. Lets get another list going here.<p>1) All I can do is be me.<p>2) All I can do is try.<p>I swear if I hear these words again, I will barf!<p>PI

I guess I should have just added this topic to the fog list.......o well, what the heck. heres another one.<p>1) I just dont have the strength or know how, to save this marriage. Or fix this.<p>my thoughts: yeah, thats because your too tired after doin the "nasty" w/OW. And the blood flow has left your brain.<p>Its funny, cuz latley all I hear is blipity, blah, blah, blah.<p>1 more: The damage is done.<p>my thoughts: no s***. its weather or not you choose to stay as damaged goods . I dont want to be damaged, I guess you do?

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>1 more: The damage is done.<p> <hr></blockquote><p>LOL, that's good. My W takes it a step further and puts it on me......"you'll never get over this"
David<p>[ May 25, 2002: Message edited by: Davidb ]</p>

WW said "I can't believe you are suggesting I am responsible for my relationship with OM, it is your fault"<p>After going to see OM and telling me numerous times not to ask where she was going or what she was doing "You could have asked me not to go and I would not have gone"<p>WW to my sister "He (yes this refers to me) is out of his mind, there is no way I will ever leave my job or give up my friend (yeah, some friend)"<p>And the famous "I'm realy trying to work on our relationship, but the OM has nothing to do with it so I don't need to stop talking to him" (yes this is the one I am sick of hearing all the time)

I would like H to eat the words...<p>"I never wanted to get married and have kids"<p>and wash them down with...<p>"You and D are restrictions in my life"<p>To give H credit, I did tell him during a counseling session that if I heard the married and kid thing again I was going to throw up and he has never said it again. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]

None. I don't want to make WH eat anything. I just want to work through this, learn from our mistakes, rebuild, thrive and get on with living.<p>I see no purpose or point in using or holding anything over his head. I want to be loved again, love him again and be the best that we can be.<p>I just know it can't happen until he is willing as well.<p>(((((HUGS)))))) [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

I am not sure I want word eating either... well some make me so sick...<p>last night h sd I am crazy and that he just cant live with me because I am crazy... well, well , well.. funny that is same thing his dad has sd about his exwife for years after the affair... like father , like son? so sad... I loved my h so much and it has come to this?<p>I am sick of the crap... sick of being treated less than..<p>I treated him nice for a few days and we ignored things ... funny we were able to get through some issues by ignoring things... well we were able to get along a bit better.. plan a , ignore reality?<p>I just dont know, since my h is so unwilling to do the work necessary for recovery...<p>I want back the man I married, not the monster he has become.<p>Honey

Oh, come one now, don't tell me you all forgot this classic:<p>"Why can't you just get over it already?"<p>and this variation:<p>"Why can't you just put this behind you?"<p>I personally got a good one today (I'm having an emotional meltdown, 17 months after d-day). In response to the concept that I still need to talk about the reasons for his affair and I still need to be able to talk with him about the aftermath:<p>"Well, if that's a deal breaker, then forget it, cause it's not gonna happen."<p>Still trying to figure out exactly what that means. He left to go work... so much for radical honesty.

He already ate it. It was the bitter one when he said "I never loved you." The OW reminded him that he should not forget that (seems like she programmed him). At that time even his choice of words matched the way she spoke. It was eerie. <p>Anyway, after the fog began to clear (still had some fog), I asked him since he 'never loved me', when did that happen? When we were dating, he proposed, engaged, wedding day, honeymoon, anniversary (I have cards that say otherwise), which day!??!?! <p>Bottom line? Those words were not true. He apologized and even told the OW that they were not true and for her to stop telling him to say it. <p>Ahhh.......deprogramming began. Then it got easier. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>So my take is hear it and then at a later time unbeknown to them, play it back and ask for an explanation. The timing is important. You can't do this in heavy fog. The words get lost and the meaning twisted. <p>
L.

I din't plan on writing, but once I got started, found this was very theraputic!!!<p>"I'm almost 50 & I'm going to do what I want. I'm going to have fun"<p>"You've changed"<p>
Re: house not maintained or kept up to his standards, kids (teens) acting out - when he hasn't been here for 3 years - "I thought that I had set the groundwork enough that the house would stay in order, the kids would be well behaved and do thier chores etc,"<p>"you spend too much money" (excuse me, who is spending too much money & whom is it being spent on? oh, OW1 & OW2!!!)<p>
"BS knows I just need my space"<p>"I need to find myself"<p>"I don't know what I want to do"<p>"IT didn't mean anything"<p>"I don't know how IT happened"<p>"IT just happened"<p>"I don't want anything from you right now"<p>Thanks PI, I feel better. These phrases have played around in my head. Glad to dump then on the screen.<p>
[img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

Yeah I find dumping these words on here keep me from LBing. <p>Got some more........<p>1) "You turned me into this person"!<p>2) "Its not about her, Its about us"!<p>GOTTA LOVE THIS ONE:
3) "I blame You for the credit card debts"!<p>Me: Your the one who maxed them out traveling to your competitions.<p>WH: "Yeah, but you came too"!!<p>That one KILLS ME!!!<p>Oh, and if I wasnt mistaken, wasnt this about YOUR A. Not credit cards???<p>WH trying to find anything and everything to put the guilt on someone else(ME).<p>PI

For every action is a reaction, so here's mine.<p>BS: Ok so for every time you point the blame finger at me, just remember that there are at least 3 fingers of blame pointing back at you. <p>That shut the WS up for a while. Oh yea, I told him the next time he wanted to yell at me for something I didn't do??? Go yell in the mirro so he could see how dumb he looked. After all that's what we are all seeing. <p>Got a look of wonderment on that one but at least he didn't respond back with anything witty. Cat musta caught his tongue. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>L.

H's to me in the middle of a discussion about the A - I need to lighten up! [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Mine to him in the middle of another A discussion: When talking about something I wanted him to do for me, I asked if he didn't want to or just didn't care. He pointed out there was no way to answer that question. [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] He was right. (The answer, BTW, was if he didn't know about it I couldn't expect him to do it, but now that he did, he would.)

The words that ring in my head were spoken one night when things exploded because of a confrontation about his cold, distant behavior. I found out later that he had had phone sex with another women the night before. I accused him of being cold and distant and said I didn't know how long I could live like this. He yelled at me:<p>"It's never enough, is it??? It's never enough! It's never enough!"<p>He was trying to convince me that the problem was ME.

Heres some more:<p>When A was just revealed I had some things to say, WH would say:<p>1)"you see, Im set up to fail"!<p>2)"You just cant let it go"!<p>3)"You just want me to kiss your a**"!<p>4)"oh, and your so perfect"!<p>H has gotten so overloaed with his own guilt that he is finding any reason to fault anyone on anything. Including my daughter. <p>PI

PI, <p>U still up? I thought you all were pretty worn out today? LOL!!! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Funny thing about having to eat one's words. Sometimes regurgitated food leaves a 'bad taste'. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Until ones learns to act civil, they may need to get used to tasting the yucky while doing the nasty! <p>Harsh statement but very true. Take a look at Clinton and a few others. Claim no s3x when that is all there was! Ea t those words Bill over and over again! <p>L.

Hey Orchid!<p>Yes I am pooped. And I had such a wonderful lunch with a wonderful friend. Felt like home. The home I havent felt for years (Okinowian style). Thanks again [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Anyways, got one 5 minutes ago.<p>WH comes back from the gym late(as usual). Knowing I was waiting on him so I could go to the gym and he can watch the kids(gym daycare was closed). By the time he gets home the gym is closed. Yes, Im mad. No concideration once again. I tell him "thanks for being conciderate".<p>WH: 1) "your soooo perfect"!<p>2) "you could never be as bad as me"!<p>Me: Your right. I wouldnt do the things youve done to me, to you.<p>Me: Its ok, I had fun with the kids. Took them out for ice cream. Id rather spend my time with them.<p>
Boy, WH was really feeling bad then. Hee Hee. Hes got nothin on me and he cant handle his own guilt. And Orchid is teaching me a thing or two.<p>PI<p> [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Well if you can't get physical excercise, then stretch them mental tension rods. <p>Ice cream tends to soothe the soul. Glad you were able to spend time with the keiki's. <p>Remember, breathe . Just stand your ground and not take the babble. <p>You are getting there PI. Just make sure you remember that it takes 2 to tangle. If he wants to babble, let him do it to himself. You don't have to be his audience for that. Politely excuse yourself . [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Take care,
L.

"You've changed". You hid the real you until we got married!<p>Then I heard: "I'm the way that I am and I'm NOT going to change"... GO FIGURE????????<p>That was in the beginning of this 4/99. I changed? Who left, who avoided problems, who wouldn't talk, who moved out and who is in the "A"?<p>Not me........<p>And I changed??????????????????????

Some words you never forget.....here are some
'withdrawal' words !!!<p>You know those feelings, well they still aren't back yet.
( this just hurt, but now I understand what he was going through)<p>You can say what you want about her but I know her, I have worked with her for 3 years.
( I've worked with people for 10 years and I still don't really know them. I only know them part of the time, their best side is probably at work )

I don't want to hear about this for the rest of my life.
( He forgot the part about doing the crime and then having to do the time. )

Words relayed to me by someone else.<p>She was there for me, she heard me out.
( It wouldn't be a turn on to shut you out )<p>She really, really loved me.
( She didn't have to live with you )<p>I could have spent the rest of my life with her.
( Well why didn't ya )<p>There were feelings.
( 1/2 your luck ) <p>Memories...they aren't always good are they.
As for eat words, sometimes I would have to say
choke.