Hi all i havent been around for a long time so not sure if anyone remembers me.
Short recap H is in an A that has been going on for 2 years now, we separated Sept 2001, i threw him out as i could no longer watch him go out and stay out all night.<p>I LB big time to begin with but then slowly learnt that made things worse, so i have plan A him for so long its second nature.
We still go out for drinks etc and he even stays here sometimes (no SF anymore).
There is no love, no romance, no feelings shown from him what so ever.<p>He hasent moved in with OW just stays there a few times a week, anyway i thought this is just going on forever with no sign of any change.
the other week it was his birthday, turned down meal with me to be with her, then last week it was 27 years ago since we met.
i sent a text to say i fell in love all those years ago and still love him now.<p>H just ignored it, for 2 years now i have told him i love him and its just ignored cus he is to busy telling OW he loves her.
Well i got to the point where i want to know am i wasting my life trying to save our M alone.<p>So i tried to talk to him, as always he just sat looking at the comp, trying to avoid answering but he did manage a few this is how it went.<p>Me: why are you still taking me out etc
H: well you dont just dump someone after 27 years
Me: cant understand if you are so in love why you are not with OW
H: dont want to jump from pan into fire and change one situation for another
H: i quite like the single life
Me: get a DV then because you are a husband and father
H: ive down that for twenty years
H: why should i do something i may not want to do because our familys want me to, this is my chance to have a new life if i want it and im not being pushed into anything.
Me: so if you found out OW was seeing someone else and she could not decide between you then you would say ok have a couple of years to decide.
H: probably not.<p>At that point i lost it a little and cried, H said that dosent help as its hassle and he dosent get that with her.
If she only knew he still took me out and stayed here and up untill a few weeks ago untill i stopped trying we were still having SF, boy would he get hassle then.<p>Anyway i finally gave in and went on meds a couple of months ago, and what a change i wish i had done it a year ago.
I can see so clearly H is just going to do what he wants when he wants and that is that.
Do i want to live like this NO not anymore.<p>So my love for him is slowly dying, there is nothing to keep it alive.
Im happy at last to face the truth, im happy with my kids, im happy with myself at last.
I wont end this M and make it easy for H if its what he wants then he has to do it.<p>I have stopped waiting to hear words of love, and im stopping giving them.
He is welcome to come here and i will still go out but my feelings will be kept locked away.
i can know longer give my heart to this stranger, i realise the man i love just isint in there anymore.
But the worst of it is he is a stanger to his kids and is killing there love also, and that is so very very sad.<p>I have tried all i can to save our M but i think its too little to late.
In my heart i loved this man so very much but i have to let go and move on for all our sakes.
Hugs to all.
Liz
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dear liz-sorry to hear your situation is still the same.you do however sound much stronger-thats wonderfull! good luck to you-keep us updated.

Hi, Lizzle,<p>It's so good to "hear" from you and see how you are doing. I'm so sorry things haven't improved. Well, for YOU they have, if you've learned and become a better Lizzle!!<p>It sounds to me like if your LB$ is running low, then it's time for a "pure" Plan B. Write him a letter, state all the reasons you love him, but cannot continue to see him as long as he's seeing OW, and get him OUT of your life!<p>You've done Plan A long enough now that he's noticed the changes in you. Now it's time for reality to seep into his little fantasy. He needs to try to get ALL his EN's met by OW. Meanwhile, you need a break from all this! Sending him packing will do that.<p>Your kids are old enough to plan their own visitations with Dear ole Dad, so you can have NO contact with him.<p>Right now, he's a cakeman....and it's time for YOU to put down the fork!! Let HER meet ALL his EN's for awhile. Then he will be forced off the fence one way or another. It sounds like you are ready for that.<p>It's painful to do, but you sound like you are ready for it, as the pain of where you are is overcoming you.<p>God Bless,<p>[ May 26, 2002: Message edited by: lupolady ]</p>

lizzle<p> I am sorry but to live with someone and allow them to spend half there week with somone else and throw it in your face is unnaceptable, I would throw him out and let him live in the real world, He is using you for his own satisfaction. <p>Time to stand up for what you believe in.

Hi Lizzle your story sounds very similar to mone. Though my children are ypounger but they too are slowly losing love and respect for their dad. I have plan A-d for some time now and yet he seems happy with OW and me. I am close to calling it a day though he would have to go for D as I won't. I am also in UK. Jante