Ok, here it is. i suspect my wife of having an affair. she has denied it in the past. but a lot of signs point that way. i hope and pray i am wrong. how do i confront her to get the honest answer? there are times in the past where i feel she has been honest, but at the same time, there are a lot of times i feel she hasn't. can someone please give me guidance on this delicate yet need disclosure thing?

just my opinion..
I dont think there is a way to make your wife confess. If you suspect she is having an Affair, I would address your own relationship. If your own relationship with her meets her needs then she is less likely to continue her affair if she is having one. It will be hard to do if you dont know for sure she is having an affair. It is also hard not knowing what she sees in the other man. Just keep talking to her about your own relationship and make your relationship work well. I would stop trying to get answers from her regarding any affair. She may use it against you to say 'well if you are going to accuse me of it, i may as well'. Say instead something like you dont feel as close to her as you would like to be. Or you miss her being near you if she has been away.
I know this is hard to do. Good luck. Take care.

the biggest problem i'm facing right now is that she is in total withdrawal and denial about any happiness she's had in the last year. i asked this morning what needs to meet. she didn't say anything. it would be hard for me to tell what i want when she won't listen or talk to me.

Obviously, I can't tell you whetehr she is having an affair or not. However, I can tell you , that in my situation, I entirely mis-interpreted my wife's signs of depression for an affair. And, when she started to turn to a friend for advice, because she couldn't talk to me about it (I wasn't too good at communicating) I blew a gasket and started accusing her of an emotional affair. <p>This led to spying, which destroyed her trust in me... we have been off balance ever since and have just finished our 6th week of separation a year after the incident.<p>So, I would be very careful in how you approach this, as the "10 signs of an affair" can also reflect so many other things. Instead of asking what she needs, and especially instead of telling her what you need (not the time to focus on yourself), find out how she feels. Really find out, validate. Until she can trust that you are really there to support her, you sill never know whether she is having an affair without snooping or demanding... not good either way. <p>Assume the best, expect the worst...<p>Just my 2 cents