Ok, things have been going great. I understand that there will be triggers, etc. However, as of the last couple of days my husband has fallen into this self-pitying grouch. <p>His allergies are bothering him, which he was just getting over that and they have started up again. He's been really negative, but says nothing is wrong. He has bad headaches (the last couple of days) and I mentioned that I wish there was something I could do. He snapped at me that I don't have to do anything, "you don't even have to deal with it!" What was that all about? I wasn't being negative at all. I was being comforting and trying to figure out how I could help.<p>Then he asks in a inquisitive sort of nasty way "what are you doing for lunch today?" Ok, something is bothering him, I can tell from how his tone of voice is. He denies it of course. <p>Also, he talks about dieing. How he'd be better off, and that's all he can do now, etc. ('cause he's tired of dealing with the allergies). Geese! I don't know what to say. I tell him that it bothers me to hear him talk like that, that I understand his frustration, and that I don't want him to die. You would think that might help some - NOT! I sent him a nice e-mail letting him know how much I care about him and how nice it was cuddling the other night, but that had no impact either.<p>I'm at a loss. I don't know what to do. I want to just yell at him for being a self-pitying, insensitive to others, creep today. Of course, I won't do that because it will get me nowhere, but at least I can get it out here. <p>What to do, what to do [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I've also fallen into this feeling that everything that goes astray in our life is my fault. Too much clothes in the dryer so the jeans aren't dry fast enough. Him being down. Etc. I'm drawing a blank, but there are more. I've been really bad with that lately. I'm starting to fall into that "I hate myself" mood, and just want to cry. I feel like I'm the worst person to walk the face of the earth. I'm so down today, and all I can do is try to stay on top of my emotions to help him with his, but it's not working.<p>Damn it, why can't we just get a f@*$#%g break! [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Anyhow, thanks for listening to my little (well, long) vent.

TutterBug~~~<p>Imagine a world where YOU were required to be 100% happy and pleasant all the time. You were never permitted any PMS moments [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] , no bad-hair-days [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] , and you were not allowed to complain [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] , whine <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" /> , or mope [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] around. .........TUTTER, please allow your H to have an occasional bad day (or days) without your taking inappropriate responsibility for his mood ... <p>BECAUSE .... IF H becomes aware of the fact that his having an occasional "bad terrible awful day" sends YOU into an emotional tizzy .... then H will feel that he is not allowed to have an off day. Let him be. He can be off center and it is NOT about you .... right? <p>When you think he is feeling blue, say, "Let me know if you need anything from me. I will give you some privacy until you need me. Love you." .... Then let him be.<p>Pepper [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] <p>PS<p>Have you read the wonderful children's book by Judith Viorst... "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day"<p>[ May 29, 2002: Message edited by: Pepperband ]<p>[ May 29, 2002: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</p>

Yeah us guys have hormones too you know - I get nasty when somebody tries to take away my coffee and substitute it with decaff [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] -<p>Leave him alone for awhile and he just may be less cranky after he's had his pity party all by his lonesome self.<p>Joe

Tutter,
Pepperbank & TMCMan are right on target. <p>Some days are bad days. Sometimes a bad mood is just a bad mood, even in a marriage that has gone through troubled times, it isn't always the troubled times triggers.<p>I've been having allergies too, feeling like my face is going to explode off my head makes me a bit cranky or quiet or morose as well.<p>When my H is down, I'm a bit of a fixer, smotherer myself, he usually says "Lor, you don't have to fix me. Just love me."<p>There's a Buddhist proverb: Before enlightenment; chop wood, draw water. After enlightenment; chop wood, draw water.<p>Even after the most incredible AHA! moment, life goes on pretty much like it did.<p>If your H is having a serious problem, time will prove that out. For now, Plan A (but don't hover/smother!), think unconditional love.

I've been feeling stressed for awhile too. First days back after the weekend have NOT been good. Here's a resource I found yesterday while poking around the internet.<p>Hope it helps in some way. How to's <p>Cali

Thank you all for your input. I needed that little boost. <p>For starters, sorry I haven't been around much. Pretty busy at work, and we don't have internet at home (never really used it there, so why bother). Anyhow, I want to thank you from the heart for taking the time to write to me.<p>Well, DH sent me an e-mail telling me he really does love me. I waited for some spirited responses here before I replied. I wrote him back letting him know that it's ok to have a bad day, and it's ok to feel the way he's feeling, and to let me know if there is anything I can do to help him. I told him even if he just needs me to listen, let me know, or if he needs a hug, kiss or hold, that I have plenty of those for him. Most important, I told him I love him more than life and that I am here for him.<p>Thank you all again. I really needed that.

Tutter ... try and get that children's book ... your 4-year-old will LOVE it!<p>.... and you might too! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>P [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

Thanks Pepper, I'll check for it. I'll tell you, I lit up when I saw you had responded. It's great to get such good advice, but you are one of the first who have helped me from the old board, and it was nice. Thanks again. So good to see you. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]